01
In families with many children, many parents cannot do a bowl of water, which also lays hidden dangers for the contradictions between families. Parents feel that they have fulfilled their parenting responsibilities by raising their children, so they feel that even if they do not have a bowl of water, they cannot complain about them.
But in the eyes of the child, the parent is partial to the other child, that is not right. He will feel resentful, he will feel that his parents do not look down on him at all, that his parents prefer another child, and with this thought, the relationship between family members will become bad.
Maybe this child is affectionate, the son may not be calculated, but his other half is not necessarily not calculated, especially when the mother-in-law is always eccentric, the heart of the daughter-in-law will definitely be uncomfortable, maybe the daughter-in-law did not complain at that time, but when the daughter-in-law is needed to contribute to the mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law will definitely be unwilling, the daughter-in-law will feel that she has not received any benefits, and the benefits are all let the other family get, then when it is time to contribute, it must be another family.
The other family will feel that although they have benefited, this mother is the mother of two families, not the mother of their family, why should they pay for it.
Arguing like this will not only destroy the feelings between brothers, but also the old man will be sad when he hears it. Therefore, in families with many children, the eccentricity of the elderly is the source of chaos.
02
Jonah (not her real name) married into such a family. QiaoNa's husband has two brothers, QiaoNa's husband Wang Qiang (pseudonym) is an older brother, Wang Qiang also has a younger brother, the two brothers originally had a good relationship, often come and go, but since both families have children, the situation has changed.
Mainly because of the eccentricity of Jona's mother-in-law. Just because Jona only gave birth to one granddaughter for her, Jona's mother-in-law began to give birth to a younger brother's family with two sons, and Jona's mother-in-law not only helped her brother's family to bring two grandchildren every day, but also contracted all the expenses of the grandchildren, just so that the younger brother and the two sons could concentrate on working outside.
Qiao Na's mother-in-law broke her heart for Wang Qiang's brother's family, but she never worried about Wang Qiang's family. Obviously, Wang Qiang's family has a more difficult time, but Qiao Na's mother-in-law just can't see, she only worries about two grandchildren every day, picks up two grandchildren every day, and buys vegetables for her grandchildren every day.
In this regard, although Qiao Na was a little uncomfortable in her heart, she did not resent her mother-in-law too much. Jona thought that even if her mother-in-law was a little eccentric, she would not be too eccentric, and Jona thought that when she really couldn't get out of her body, her mother-in-law should not refuse to help herself see the child.
But this is just Jona's whimsy, when Jonah because of the work is too busy reasons, but also want to let the mother-in-law help with the daughter, the mother-in-law directly refused, the mother-in-law said that she could not smoke at all. It was only at this time that Jonah saw her mother-in-law's eccentricity completely.
The mother-in-law is blatantly eccentric and does not care to disguise at all. Is it the grandson or granddaughter that matters that much? Aren't they all the grandchildren of the mother-in-law, why do the mother-in-law treat them so differently, why can they be biased like this? Jonah couldn't understand her mother-in-law's thoughts at all.
And Jonah also vaguely began to resent her mother-in-law in her heart. Because my brother's family is so dashing. Because there is an old man to help, so the younger brother and the two do not have to worry about the child at all, even all the expenses of the child are contracted by the old man, so the life of the younger brother and the two children is particularly easy, and they can't see any anxiety and bitterness from their faces.
And The Qiaona family, because Qiaona's two sons can not rely on, so the two people drag a child every day to live a busy and busy, it is so hard, life is still stretched, feel that life is no longer fun, the two people's faces are hanging on anxiety and bitterness.
When Jona was too busy to take care of the children, she could not get the help of her mother-in-law, but could only find her own mother-in-law to help. At that time, Qiao Na secretly swore that in the future, she would be filial piety, that would also be filial piety to her mother-in-law, as for the cold-blooded mother-in-law, she did not want to care about it in the future.
After that, Qiao Na really didn't care about her mother-in-law anymore, and she didn't usually come and go, so she went to see it every New Year's Day.
Qiao Na thought that her mother-in-law's eccentricity did not expect them to come to the pension in the future, but when it came to that day, the mother-in-law and her brother's family did not forget them.
The mother-in-law is old, the health is not good, after all, it is still sick and hospitalized, the cost of hospitalization is not small, just the mother-in-law's hospitalization fee needs more than one hundred thousand, but the mother-in-law has no money at all, all attached to the two grandchildren, so the mother-in-law requires the two sons to share this cost equally.
Jonah changed her face on the spot, and she didn't care that she was in the hospital, and directly broke up. Qiao Na said that when the mother-in-law was in good health, she only cared about helping the younger son's family, and even the pension money was cleaned up by the younger son's family. I also want my eldest son to pay half of the money, why didn't my mother-in-law think about my eldest son's family when she was in good health?
Jonah said that it is okay to pay money, for children, it is also appropriate to pay for their parents to see a doctor, but they can't make a big deal, and they should let their brother's family bear most of the treatment costs. For Qiao Na's proposal, the younger brother and his two sons were unwilling, they said that the pension thing should be the matter of the eldest son, they are willing to pay half of it is good, they can not pay most of the treatment fees, there is no such reason.
The two sides insisted on each other's opinions, and they were in a state of indisputable quarrels, and even said that they would not interact with each other in the future. Jonah was so angry that she was going crazy. But Jonah's husband compromised first, and he couldn't really ignore his mother, so he kept trying to persuade Jonah. Jona also knew in her heart that she was making trouble, but she really couldn't see death and not save it, if she insisted on not paying, then if something happened to her mother-in-law in the end, then her marriage would also be doomed. Therefore, under the persuasion of her husband, Qiao Na agreed to pay for her mother-in-law's treatment first. But if you want her to serve her personally, it is impossible, Jonah feels that in her most difficult time, it is her own mother's family that helps her, and she wants to be filial to her mother's family, so she does not care about her mother-in-law who is still in the hospital, and directly takes her mother's family to travel.
From the story of Jonah's family, we can understand two truths.
03
One: In families with many children, the elderly should be a bowl of water for their grandchildren.
Many elderly people have a deep-rooted concept of son preference, so after having grandchildren, they will also treat their grandchildren differently because of this concept. The old man may feel nothing, but this kind of differential treatment is eccentric in the eyes of the children of the old man.
And eccentricity will definitely bring serious consequences to this family. First of all, the child will be dissatisfied with his parents, because he is not the one who is favored, so in any case, he will feel that he is the one who suffers. In this way, it will seriously affect the feelings between family members, and as long as there is a fuse in the future, it will be easily detonated, and then cause irreparable losses.
Especially after people are old, if the old man can level a bowl of water for the grandchildren, the children will not have any objections, but if the old man has always been partial to the children in one of the rooms, then when the children need to pay for the old man, the brothers will have all kinds of prevarication, all kinds of quarrels, and finally make a lot of trouble.
Therefore, in families with many children, the elderly should be more flat with their grandchildren.
04
Second: In the eyes of children, it is acceptable to be poor in parents, but it is not acceptable to be unfair.
Children are eager to get the love of their parents, so when parents give more love to his brothers and sisters and ignore him, he will be lost, sad, and then gradually begin to resent his parents.
Children want their parents to treat them fairly, because everyone knows that only when parents can treat them fairly can the family be united.
Some parents think that their children are not filial piety because of their inability to be parents, fail to give their children better material conditions, let the children suffer a lot, so that the children will be so kind to their parents, but in fact, in the eyes of the children, they can accept the poverty of their parents, because poverty can not be changed by their own will, but they cannot accept unfairness, obviously they are all born of a father and mother, why do they have to live different lives, why do they have to endure the different attitudes of their parents. Once a child has such an idea, it will lead to family strife.
Therefore, parents must be fair, only in this way can we have a happy and harmonious family.
Text/No Pen