Why are you jealous of your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend?
Maybe you recently bumped into your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend and you were surprised to find yourself overwhelmed by jealousy.
It's over between them, so rationally, you have nothing to worry about, right? Still, you can't help but notice your boyfriend's ex... Prettier (or more handsome), smarter, more successful, or at least in your mind. Anyway, this makes you start questioning yourself.
Now, it's true that your partner's ex may be better than you in every way, but that's not the case. After all, there's a reason they broke up! More likely, you're amplifying her attributes in your head, as humans tend to do, because you're not fully secure in the relationship.
What's more, you may also not be insecure enough about yourself. Even though you may be feeling negative emotions right now, you can use this bad situation to get to know yourself and improve your life.
How? Well, if you're jealous of your boyfriend's ex and don't know why, take a look at the five pieces of advice below and try to implement them as soon as possible, before you drive yourself crazy.
What to do when you're upset with your boyfriend's ex?
1. First, figure out if your ex is trying to make you jealous
It's unfortunate, but some people are extremely insecure and there's nothing better in their lives than trying to break someone else's relationship.
Maybe unlikely, but your boyfriend's ex may be trying to make him (and you) jealous by showing off all her good qualities in front of you. It could be because she wants to win her boyfriend back, or it could be because she just wants to heal her wounded self by making herself look better than you.
In other words, it may not have anything to do with you. It's just something she might have to go through, especially if your boyfriend is the one who dumped her. Since you yourself feel insecure, you might understand!
But if you suspect this is what's going on, get your boyfriend to notice it. Tell him that his ex is wearing the most revealing clothes around him, or anything else that might happen, will make you uncomfortable.
By making him aware of this, he might avoid her. In fact, if you talk to his ex about it in person, she's likely to stop. Sometimes, the only thing you need to do to stop acting like a jerk is to scold them out loud.
2. Figure out what exactly is she about that makes you jealous
At first glance, this doesn't seem to matter. In fact, the thought of carefully studying her personality traits makes you cringe. What you want is to stop being jealous, not to add fuel to the fire.
But the key to no longer being jealous is actually to face the initial sting and examine her best qualities. What parts of her make you most jealous?
Is it her appearance? Do you think your boyfriend's ex is prettier than you? (This is obviously difficult to quantify.) "Beautiful" can mean anything to anyone. The point here is, you think she's better looking).
Is it her social status? Is she richer than your family? Have a better education? More opportunities? A more advanced social circle? Compared to her, do you feel very old-fashioned? Do you feel compelled to make fun of her because she bought something expensive and useless?
Is she too smart or is she behaving the way she behaves? She seems really smart and you feel like an idiot every time you interact with her? Is it easy for you to understand why your boyfriend is attracted to her wit and that bothers you?
Is it because she looks more like a good match for your boyfriend? Do you often wonder why he broke up with her because they have so much in common?
Overall, is she a very nice and caring person? Is she mainly rescuing animals? Is she so kind and considerate that she drives you crazy? Do you kind of like her, even though you don't like it yourself? Do you secretly want her to be a little more annoying so you have a reason to hate her?
Yes, I know it can be difficult to face these things. However, if you want to fundamentally address your jealousy and improve your feelings for her, sooner or later you will have to face these.
Sometimes, just exposing these emotions and lifting them out of your subconscious is enough to make them disappear. Sometimes, when we realize the things that are bothering us deep inside us, they can seem very stupid.
For example, you might find yourself asking, "Why am I secretly jealous of her 'high-level' life?" Her friend looks unbearable! "。 If this is the life of the upper class, then I have nothing to be jealous of. "
Even just being consciously aware of this is not enough for you to overcome it immediately, you can use this knowledge to practice the next step....
3. Observe which parts of yourself you don't like
There is no way around this. 99.99% of the time, the reason you hate something about other people or feel jealous of them is because you don't like your own similarities.
Ever noticed how people who make fun of successful people secretly hate that they don't have similar success? Ever noticed that homophobia people are often secretly homosexual?
This jealousy, envy, whatever it is, comes from a sense of lack within them. You may wish you had improved in some way, but seen it in another person – worse, your partner's ex is stirring up all sorts of emotions.
Again, it can be painful to face it, but in the long run, it's better to admit it to yourself.
Do you want your eyes to look a little prettier? Do you wish you didn't have that much extra flesh on you? Do you want you to grow up with a higher quality education and want you to be one of those upper class people with yacht and club memberships?
These are just some of the more stupid examples, but it could be anything. Or even something as stupid as "her hair is shinier". Be honest with yourself.
4. Accept that part of yourself unconditionally
Now, when we find something we don't like, we may be tempted to immediately start trying to find a way to change and improve it.
In fact, if you're not trying to improve yourself with a self-destructive mindset, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
That's where you have to be careful. Trying to improve some perceived flaw to make yourself more attractive to others, or even just to make yourself feel better, is a stupid thing to do in the long run.
Nothing you do can really give you confidence. This confidence must come from unconditional love for oneself. Accept your flaws first, and then, if you want, seek to change them.
Trying to do the opposite, expecting to change yourself will make you more accepting of yourself, generally not working at a deep level. Think of people who are addicted to plastic surgery. Anyone may not like the way they look, but these people tend to be obsessed with the idea that they can change how they feel about themselves by changing their appearance. You know what? It won't work, but they will definitely keep trying!
So don't be like them. Be aware of your bad intentions, love yourself despite these flaws, and continue to improve if needed, but not because your boyfriend, your boyfriend's ex, or even yourself need to feel confident.
5. Remember, your partner chose you
In the end, there's no need to be jealous of your boyfriend's ex because he chose you. They're no longer together, but you two are still in love with each other. Every day, he chooses to stay with you, and that's no small thing.
So if you can, leave it behind. Your boyfriend probably won't leave you for his ex, and even if he does, it's probably for the best outcome. After all, why waste your time on someone who doesn't know how to appreciate you?
Like what you just read? I want to know what you think about it. So, leave a message in the comments section. In addition, remember to search for Fei on WeChat to talk about emotions, pay attention to Fei'er, Fei'er guarantees that Fei'er will become the lucky charm of your beautiful love life.