Fang Yinuo's pregnancy was known to the in-laws, and it happened to be heard by the former mother-in-law who passed by, and the two families quarreled over the child's affairs, and Fang's mother watched her daughter caught in the middle and was embarrassed. In order to maintain Fang Yinuo, she threw down a sentence: My daughter can do whatever she wants, you love to be comfortable or uncomfortable!
Fang Yinuo is because she cares too much about her own feelings, in marriage, she just cares about her own comfort, regardless of whether others are comfortable or not.
It can be said that Fang Yinuo's two marriages were "failures", the first marriage ended with divorce, and the second marriage, because the children also left permanent scars on the relationship with the in-laws.
First, self-feeling
The married life of Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu is not a normal marital state, and both people have reasons.
After giving birth, as a new mother, Fang Yinuo became particularly anxious, and a little wind and grass would cause Fang Yinuo's emotional outburst. She placed too much emphasis on self-feeling, which was the most important reason her marriage failed.
She doesn't like Gao Caiping, she feels that living with Gao Caiping is very depressing, extremely distrustful of her, Gao Caiping's way of doing things is a little different from hers, she never thought of tolerance, but must let her mother-in-law change, do things according to her own will, will not be compromised.
Xiao Lu's sense of participation in raising children is relatively weak, Fang Yinuo is not accustomed to it, she did not want to reconcile, only cared about her own feelings, she told Xiao Lu that she was in a very bad mood, but never thought about why Xiao Lu was like this?
Similarly, Xiao Lu became a father, and he still insisted on taking the road he had planned long ago, trying to earn money and make others look up to him. He did not adjust his identity in time, did not take the initiative to participate in the process of raising children, but felt that he was tired enough to work, so he did not let the children make him more tired. Every night, Fang Yinuo coaxed the crying child alone, and Xiao Lu slept next to him.
Both people attach too much importance to their own feelings, they feel good on the line, other people's words and deeds affect themselves, they will never change, and they will find ways to change others to conform to themselves.
Second, change the other side
In the book "The Original Family", three marriage models are mentioned, and one is called the mutual benefit model. Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu's marriage model is its reverse version.
In the book, the author explains the mutually beneficial model of marriage as follows:
"Accept the wife or husband as they are, and enjoy the different feelings that each other's roles bring to each other." You respect me, I respect you. You have your space, I have my space. When we need each other, we can cooperate strategically; when we don't need each other, we can have our own space. ”
This model has a premise, that is, it requires both parties to accept each other as they are, rather than shaping each other to be what you want.
Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu both wanted each other to change into what they liked, and they felt that each other's behavior was not in line with their own wishes, so they wanted to change each other into the way they wanted.
In a marriage relationship, we should all understand that the partner, not our children, even children, should not ask the other party to change according to our wishes.
Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo did not recognize this, the mutually beneficial model of married life, the first thing to do is to accept the real other, under the premise of mutual respect, and then jointly run the family and raise children together. Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo did not recognize this, they did not even do the most basic acceptance of each other, so they could not move towards the same goal.
Third, Xie Tianhua's "report" is correct
After Xie Tianhua reported it, Fang Yinuo said to him: I love you, this time it is true!
If Xie Tianhua had been painlessly good to The other Party Yinuo and Hehe, and been an old and good person, then he would never have heard Fang Yinuo's words.
Xie Tianhua wants a child, Fang Yinuo is pregnant with his child, he wants to keep his child, so he lost his usual sanity and chose to go to Dr. Jin to report it. Because at this time, he truly understood Fang Yinuo's mood of saving Hehe, and he really did a "father" instead of Hehe's stepfather.
After Fang Yinuo knew, she was definitely angry, but she felt happy again, angry that Xiao Lu let Fang Yinuo give up the original plan for his own children, and was happy that Xie Tianhua was finally "selfish" like a normal person, for his own children. Such Xie Tianhua made Fang Yinuo feel that he was also a person with ideas, not a "wooden man".
When Fang Yinuo married Xie Tianhua, he did not love him, just because Xie Tianhua was good to Hehe, if Xie Tianhua continued like this, Fang Yinuo would always feel family affection, not love.
Fourth, in marriage, proper selfishness is right
In marriage, Xie Tianhua has always paid silently, he respects Fang Yinuo, carefully cares for the mother and daughter, and hides his true desires.
Xie Tianhua is in his thirties, not yet married, and he is the only son in the family, so it is impossible not to have children. When Fang Yinuo married him, Hehe was already more than four years old, and at this time, Xie Tianhua could ask Fang Yinuo to give him another child.
The two people have been married for more than a year, Fang Yinuo is not pregnant, Xie Dan and her in-laws are worried that she does not want to have another life, and Fang Yinuo and Xie Tianhua have not made a clear statement. I think it must be Xie Tianhua who respects Fang Yinuo and waits for her to be ready to mention this matter.
Dong Fan told him that Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu had gone to open a room, Xie Tianhua could actually acquiesce, Dong Fan had lost his mind, she thought about stopping it, but Xie Tianhua chose to complete it.
Such a good, I really don't feel that I should support, but let me feel that he is not loving enough, because he cares, he will become selfish. Therefore, after Fang Yinuo knew that xie Tianhua reported it, she truly realized that Xie Tianhua attached importance to her and to her children, and he was not an "old good man" without feelings.
Fang Yinuo was too selfish, Xie Tianhua was too selfless, and in the end, Fang Yinuo could do whatever she wanted, and Xie Tianhua supported all her decisions without principle. In marriage, when it is time to be selfish, be selfish, too selfish, not to do.
A good marriage is the practice of two people
Fang Yinuo's two marriages have exposed her shortcomings, putting the other party outside the marriage, and her marriage does not require the participation of the other party.
Fang Yinuo's marriage life with Xiao Lu, she often said that whether there is Xiao Lu or not, she can take care of herself and her children, especially when divorced, she said that with her own ability, she will be able to raise her daughter well. She has such a thought, it is a mistake, if you raise a child, anyone can support a big child, but the emotional experience of the child's growth process is not complete. Therefore, when Hehe saw that other children had their fathers hugging, she felt that she was an outlier.
Xie Tianhua was too concerned about Fang Yinuo's feelings, and he ignored his own feelings, which was also wrong. Blindly paying, just let the other party know your good, Fang Yinuo really fell in love with him, not because he was good, but because he worked hard to protect his children.
A good marriage is the common practice of two people, the joint participation of two people. After marrying Xie Tianhua, Fang Yinuo changed a lot, and I think it was a bit overcorrected, so she and Xie Tianhua were not like husband and wife, more like friends with good feelings, not plague and not fire.
At last:
Seeing Fang Yinuo, many people said that it was too selfish, and they felt anxious when they saw her. I think that the setting at the beginning of this drama, the heroine is not a perfect wife and mother image, but a real wife and mother image.
The failure of Fang Yinuo's married life is to remind everyone that if you are also handling married life like her, then you should reflect on it and correct your strength and selfishness.
As a mother, Fang Yinuo loves her children, but the way she loves her children at the beginning is not right, she thinks that it is enough to give the best material conditions to the children. Only later did she understand that the child needed not only material things, she slowly accepted Xiao Lu and her former mother-in-law to see the child, many divorced families, because of the adult's grudge, let the child lose the right to enjoy the father's love or maternal love, is a kind of selfishness.
When we accuse Fang Yinuo of being wrong, it is more important to remind ourselves that marriage is to be managed.
Author: Muzi