Text | MOOC Jun
Source | Fei MoOC (ID: feimooc)
Hello everyone, I'm Sprout Mom.
Recently saw a comment, which is very interesting.
I combed through it to the effect that most women choose to marry and endure their husbands' disregard for their families because of unshakable patriarchal ideas.
And there are not a few who like and agree.
Seeing this comment, I was reminded of a friend.
She is very good-looking and excellent in all aspects of her studies.
During graduate school, she had a problem that bothered her, so she approached me.
At that time, she said that there was an opportunity to compete for a master's and doctoral degree. But if she's fighting for this opportunity, she's going to find a boyfriend before she gets a PhD, preferably married.
Because the education is too high, it is difficult to find a partner.
She also told me about a few alternatives at that time, although I didn't like them very much, but if I was studying for a Ph.D., I could choose one of them.
After listening to my blindfold, tell her: Even if you find a boyfriend during your master's degree, can you guarantee that you will not break up? Even if you get married, you can get divorced!
I am very confused, why is such a good girl, but because of reading the Bo hurried to deal with their own "price reduction"?
Later, I thought that maybe she felt that marriage was a better option than personal promotion.
01
Society's stereotype of girls
Far beyond boys
This society is forcibly obliterating the ambition of girls.
Why?
Let's first look at what parents expect.
Many parents raise girls, they study well, they have talents, but not to create value for themselves, but to hope that their daughters can eventually find a rich person to marry.
This is also why parents are very keen on girls to take the civil service, to be teachers, to be doctors.
Because such a girl, although she does not earn much, is stable, and more importantly, she has time to take care of her family, and she is very popular in the marriage market.
Ideal Girlfriend Career Survey
This view is not accidental, it has become rampant to the point that blind dates can be easily grasped.
This is the education that girls receive from an early age: girls do not have to be very profitable, do not have to work too hard, girls' life goals are the family, and it is better to learn well than to marry well.
This is what everyone expects from girls before they get married.
What about after marriage? The situation is even more tragic.
It has been found that if men go to vocational education for a career breakthrough, they will always get the support of their families; women, as for women, are often hindered by their families.
There are even stay-at-home mothers who are forced to drop out of school by their husbands; they have to pay tuition fees and ask their mothers who are far away to ask for money...
What exactly is the purpose of such a marriage?
Isn't it obviously a drag on girls?
But there were still batches of girls pounced on it.
I later understood the reason for the friend's anxiety.
From childhood to adulthood, the expectations of her family and society are that she can finally find a rich man to marry and be happy.
So over time, she accepted this expectation, and in her studies, her first reaction was: what to do if she can't marry, not how to realize her value.
After all, there has been a Chinese-style blind date price list before, in which female doctors and strong women are at the bottom of the chain of contempt, and can only match men with college and high school education!
This can be said to be our failure in the education of girls.
Educate them well, make foils for others, and be accessories.
Cai Kangyong said: "When you are not self-motivated, you are killing people, you are not careful, killing your own life." ”
And girls' lives, do not have to be erased by themselves, more people who help you, even including parents.
02
Give the girl the biggest misleading
Marriage is a shortcut to happiness
"A woman does a good job than marries well."
"I'd rather cry in a BMW than sit on a bike and laugh."
These views were once very popular.
I have to say that there are girls with good lives, and they don't have to work hard to change their fate through marriage and enjoy their success.
But this is very difficult, the marriage of rich people, in fact, more important to your family background, parents' work unit, what kind of resources.
Therefore, the parents of ordinary people should not have such a fluke.
Nowadays, the divorce rate is rising, and love and marriage are becoming more and more fragile.
A girl's reliance on love and marriage alone is by no means enough to survive.
The ultimate mission of parents should not be for their daughters to marry a rich man, let alone think that their daughters can climb the dragon and phoenix and change their lives by marriage.
Instead, it is to practice what she preaches, so that she knows that no matter when and where, a person's self-growth and self-realization are the most important.
Such girls are more likely to be happy in marriage and can bear the risks of failure.
Speaking of this, I think of a marriage of a business tycoon: Zhang Xin and Pan Shiyi.
Zhang Xin, who graduated from Cambridge University, is independent and capable, and is an uncompromising Wall Street elite.
What about Pan Shiyi?
Divorced twice, he is not prominent, his head is still a little bald, of course, he runs a real estate business, and his ability to make money is very strong.
So how did Zhang Xin look at him, she said:
The gap between the two people is really too big, but I am not confused by these gaps.
I think women should look a little farther, his current situation is not as good as mine, but what about the future?
Most importantly, if I marry him, it will make me progress or make me regress.
I spent about an hour giving myself a meeting.
First of all, the first time I met him, he was dressed in a mess:
A taupe suit, a tie with big flowers, and a pair of extra-large glasses. So the clothes of the earth are worn on the body, he is calm and calm, and there is a kind of confidence in his bones.
Secondly, his thinking is very unique and self-contained. At that time, communicating with him, his casual words could make me feel fresh, make me excited and make me think deeply.
Again, I admire his qualities, the thickness and simplicity in his bones.
Also, he can teach me many things. I have been living abroad and do not understand many things in China, and he is a native Chinese entrepreneur who hopes to develop in China in the future, so he is my ready-made teacher with practical experience.
I thought about these points carefully, and I felt that this marriage could be married, and I took ten thousand steps back to say that even if I failed, I would benefit from this marriage.
If you look at people, how clear is the brain circuit of choosing a mate.
On the other hand, some girls value whether others have money, whether they are good to you, whether they promise to raise you for a lifetime, but they don't know that the things you are on the side have never really belonged to you, and when he takes these back, you will have nothing.
Therefore, parents must change their concepts, marriage is definitely not a shortcut to girls' happiness.
Marriage is also an investment, and girls really want to spend their lives together, should be the kind of people who can make you stronger, more insightful and broader.
Even if such a marriage is not lasting, it can be like Zhang Xin, who will never suffer losses after divorce, and can still live well.
03
Ordinary family
Why daughters should be more independent will make money
There is a group of girls that I especially admire, they are the "Shenzhen girls" who were popular all over the Internet before.
Its fire mainly comes from a Weibo post by Weibo blogger @leisure Lu:
There are two girls from Shenzhen who come to Beijing to play and go to a bar to drink at night.
In the chat, the Beijing girls mainly talk about the object, husband, gossip, where to eat, where to have fun, to communicate what handsome guys they have recently known, and what angry things their friends' mother-in-law has done recently.
Shenzhen girls were stunned after listening to it, because they rarely talked about these things, but more about "making money".
Next, they describe in detail:
"We Shenzhen people get together like seven or eight, all in our thirties, and we will talk about gossip at the beginning, but after talking for an hour or two, the topic will cut to the point:
How have you made money lately, how have your friends made money, have you heard, where xxx got money, and xxx where money failed, where xxx bought the house appreciated, we also saved money to make a down payment together to make money! ”
In this way, the word "Shenzhen girl" began to ferment from Weibo.
Seeing that girls think about "making money" every day, a group of men say that they worship gold and engage in special and abnormal.
However, in my opinion, they are the only ones who are awake in the world.
Girls who talk about "money" are more likely to achieve happiness than girls who only talk about love and love.
For example, in the movie "Little Women", 4 girls are born in the same family, but have very different fates.
Some people pursue independence and pursue careers; some people want to marry rich people...
And one of the eldest daughters, Meg, is, in my opinion, the most tragic.
She is a typical person who only cares about love and marriage and does not consider herself or money.
Such a person, I can only say that her happiness depends entirely on luck.
But her luck was not bad, at least her husband really loved her.
The disadvantage is that he is just a poor governess and cannot give Meg the stars of the sea.
Meg obviously has a pursuit of the quality of life, but she is impressed by the concept of "I should have a family and have children" instilled by society.
Gave up the fate of being a good stage actress and became an ordinary housewife with no earning power at all.
On weekdays, I bought a dress for my love of beauty, and my husband pointed fingers at her and was cold and violent.
Then she had to apologize to her husband and admit that she was too vain.
This is a movie, in reality?
The kind of girl from an ordinary family who can only rely on her own.
If she is not independent in marriage, she will usually only talk about gossip, talk about family trivialities, will not make money, and will not improve her job competitiveness.
Once you meet a scumbag in your marriage, it is doomed.
In this life, she can only swallow her breath, bow down three or four times, and comfort herself that "everything is for the child".
Because she has no money and no work experience, she simply does not have the courage to choose divorce.
An ordinary girl, only independent and rich, you have the confidence to live the life you want.
Just like Gu Jia in the TV series "Thirty Only", she divorced her husband decisively after learning that her husband was cheating.
Because she has the courage and the ability to take care of herself and her children.
What keeps you self-esteem and decency is never marriage, but the money in your pocket and the charm you have in your body.
04
The family has a daughter
Dad should be more worried
Many parents feel that their daughters are better raised.
Don't have to think about buying a car and buying a house, don't have to work hard to earn money to marry her, and when she grows up and gets married, she basically completes the task.
Parents who think this way are, in my opinion, irresponsible at all.
You must know that a person's value must be created by himself, and it is definitely not because he has a certain relationship with someone that he has value.
The roads that we call easy to walk are almost all downhill roads for girls.
But why do so many girls still choose a shortcut, a road of no return, to get what they want?
It's because they don't think they have a better path than anything else.
Because they are not confident enough, the family does not give enough confidence.
Why do I say that raising a girl well, the father has a great responsibility?
Psychologists have found that the role of parents on their daughters is complementary, the mother reassures the daughter, and the father gives the daughter confidence.
The relationship between the father and the daughter is the basis for her future relationship with men.
If the father respects his daughter, listens to her opinions, and can often play happily with her, she will not be able to accept that other boys do not respect her, let alone feel that men are inferior.
Identifying with one's feminine charm does not require deliberately pleasing others.
A netizen on Weibo shared his story:
From elementary school, my father did not allow others to instill wrong ideas in me.
If someone says, "Girls are raised casually" and "it is better to learn well than to marry well," Dad would refute them very harshly.
After the college entrance examination, my father took me to the bar to let me see what is called "flower world", so that it is not easy to be confused.
It was almost time for college, and Dad gave me a credit card and said:
"If others can satisfy you, our family can satisfy you." Although we are not rich and wealthy, you can afford any father you want. ”
After work, I was faced with two different temptations, as long as I nodded, I could get everything I wanted without effort, but I refused.
I knew that Dad had been well-intentioned and made me realize that what I worked hard to get was not worth selling anything.
It is easy to raise a girl, but it is not easier to raise a girl who has self-respect and self-love, self-reliance, and will not choose the wrong girl for the sake of immediate interests, than to make money and buy a house.
In Raising Girls, there is a sentence like this:
As your daughter grows up, you can see the connection between the childhood you gave her and the strength and qualities she has today.
So, parents of girls at home, especially dads, use more snacks!
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