01
Husband and wife were originally the same forest birds, and they flew separately in the face of great trouble. But Yishu once said, "Why should people get married?" It's not because life is not easy, you need to find someone to help. ”
In fact, as a husband and wife, the most important thing is to have the determination to share a fate.
Because life is unknown and full of changes, none of us know what will happen tomorrow, so we must bear and face it together, such as a pair of chopsticks, what sour, sweet and bitter can be tasted together.
However, this determination cannot occur in a purely interested relationship, and it is only possible to reach a tacit understanding through emotional connection.
To some extent, it is wise to put love first when getting married, even if the material and economic conditions are worse, it may be created and changed through the efforts of two people.
Married life is realistic, and although love, which may seem insignificant in most days, can always play a role in suppressing the problems of human nature at critical moments.
What does it mean that many young people's values are distorted and they always put conditions and interests first when they get married? Marriage is easily trapped by interests. Everyone puts their own protection first, and it is conceivable that when the profits are exhausted, I am afraid that there is only one result, that is, the dispersion of people.
Including many couples divorcing, the essence is a matter of interest, but all of this is manifested in a variety of forms.
If a woman treats marriage as a platform or springboard to improve her quality of life, then your main value to her is only material, and it is a transaction in nature.
When you can't make money, you will naturally question your choices and preset your own way out. Therefore, the material requirements when getting married, we may as well understand that marriage is a shortcut choice in life.
02
The experience of a male reader is very heart-wrenching and painful, and when Zhang Shuo (pseudonym) was at his most depressed and helpless, he did not expect that the first person to leave him was his wife.
Two aspects, one is that they do not want to live a hard life with themselves; the other is that they do not want to take their own debts on themselves, and they are eager to draw a clear line.
Of course, the reasons for divorce need to be reasonable, including externally, and can match their own personality.
Therefore, emotional discord and exhaustion have become the most appropriate reasons. Although during that time, the two people did have a lot of quarrels, and they couldn't get around one word: money. Thinking about the embarrassment of life in the present, mentioning the pressure of future life, I become very impatient and collapsed.
During the period of frequent quarrels, the wife often put these two sentences on her lips:
"I never thought about drawing anything from you, nor did I ask you to be rich and rich, but you have to toss yourself, this toss is good, the family is broken." 」
"After so many years of marriage, what blessing have I enjoyed from you?" In the end, even the only house I lived in had to be sold, and I was obsessed with how I didn't want to marry you. ”
There are doubts, there are denials, perhaps there is no right or wrong, it can only be said that there has been a conflict of interests and positions.
Divorce was proposed by his wife, did not want anything, including children, but what made Zhang Shuo most chilling was his wife's questioning and denial, which made him feel that he was the worst person in the world, and also made him feel that he was the loneliest person in the world, and he had never received the understanding and support of his wife.
The wife has some material, from marriage to now, Zhang Shuo is clear, but Zhang Shuo feels that two people have been married for so many years, there is no love and there must be affection, and the relationship will not be so fragile.
Perhaps the occurrence of the result is not sudden for Zhang Shuo, but he has been living in self-comfort and self-fantasy, and dare not imagine the facts.
For example, his wife's vanity is strong, and she can't see that anyone is better than herself, otherwise she will immediately question Zhang Shuo's ability, including people around her changing cars and buying jewelry.
The wife did not have any property for Zhang Shuo, but she did not let her eat the grievances of life, and often used her frugality for herself to provide his wife with three things to eat, drink and wear, which was far higher than the quality of life of people of the same class. But it is clear that these emotions are not enough to influence the choice of key moments.
It is also to let Zhang Shuo see the reality clearly, and sighed with all his thoughts: "When I was the most depressed and helpless, I didn't expect that the relationship between husband and wife was the first to break."
The double blow of career and family will not only destroy people's fighting spirit and will, but also make people directly label themselves as a loser, and it is difficult to get out of this frustration for a lifetime.
03
Why is this happening? In two ways, it's simple.
First, the relationship between husband and wife is the most direct and intrinsic interest relationship, when the family has an economic crisis, the first thing that affects is the married life and the interests of the husband and wife. After all, the lives of two people are firmly tied together, and even if there is a relationship of interest with friends, life is not involved at all.
Second, it is enough to show that she is only trying to provide her with financial value, or it is enough to show that you can only provide economic value to her. This economic value is the only link to the relationship, so when it is not provided, the only link is broken.
Maybe this is not reality, but human nature, if human nature is like this, we can only review and reflect on our own problems, why can not provide other aspects of value.
Or did not notice it, ignored it in ordinary life, and ignored that marriage is also a relationship of interest.
In the relationship of interests, although the proportion of economic value is very large, emotional value, psychological value, physical value, etc. are also very important. Of course, we can't rely on the emotional value we can provide to satisfy a person who only needs and only values economic value.
So this is the importance of choosing people, when you are not completely sure that you can meet the material needs of the other party, do not choose a person who is too realistic and practical.
Finally, a consolationous word, it is also true that the Island Bookstore says:
"Everyone has the most difficult year in their lives, making life beautiful and vast."
Don't give up on yourself, otherwise life, it will really be difficult to turn over, no matter how hard it is to hold on, things have happened, first accept what has happened, and then plan what you want to go. Complaining, complaining, and discouraging are useless, and can only be used as an occasional emotional vent.
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