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In the Analects, it is said: Parents can do their best.
The meaning of this sentence is that to serve parents, you must be able to do your best.
Indeed, the grace of parents is greater than that of heaven, and it is difficult to repay in one lifetime, and those who are children should do their best to treat their relatives with filial piety and not leave regrets for themselves.
However, honoring parents is not an overnight thing. In particular, parents who have been serving in the hospital bed for a long time test the patience of their children.
In life, there are often people who have filial piety, but they are trapped in the shackles of reality and cannot do their best to fulfill filial piety. Some men will "throw the pot" to their wives the obligation of filial piety to their parents.
Sometimes, they even ask their wives to make concessions for the sake of filial piety and give up their career plans.
Women are born with delicate minds, and they do have advantages in taking care of the family and filial piety for the elderly.
However, women make sacrifices and concessions for the family, when the full-time wife serves the elderly at home, if men know how to be grateful, if men do not understand gratitude, it is very dangerous for women.
As Chu Yin said in the program:
When women become full-time wives, they pin their future on men's sense of responsibility and conscience. Men's sense of responsibility and conscience is intermittent.
A woman who has been running housework at home for a long time and serving the elderly has no income, is older, and is out of touch with the workplace.
The most important thing is that the man is progressing, but she is stepping in the same place, the husband and wife are not synchronized, and the final outcome can be imagined.
Miao Jinxiu in the TV series "Divorce Lawyer" and Lin Xiaofeng in "Chinese-style Divorce" are all in order to support her husband's career, resigning to teach her husband and children at home and taking care of the elderly.
In the end, their marriages were in crisis.
Marriage requires mutual understanding and mutual compromise, and husband and wife need to share weal and woe, but all this cannot be based on long-term, unilateral sacrifices and efforts.
01. Married life, bland and trivial
Netizen Yang Yin (pseudonym) is also facing the same difficult choice.
The old man in the family has been bedridden for a long time, her "phoenix man" husband let her resign and go home to take care of her, she is in a dilemma, should she make concessions for the family?
Yang Yin is 40 years old and has been married to her husband Chu Hao (pseudonym) for 14 years. The daughter is 13 years old, just admitted to the city's TOP3 key middle school, handled the residential school, and went home once a weekend.
Yang Yin works in a private company, the company's efficiency is average, the salary is also average, and the monthly after-tax salary is less than 6,000 yuan. However, she has a good relationship with the company's superiors, and there is no pressure at work.
Chu Hao's education is higher than hers, is the company's technical backbone, salary plus performance bonus, a year income of about 180,000.
Yang Yin's married life is bland and trivial.
Although the two are still carrying mortgages and car loans, whether it is the relationship between husband and wife, or the living conditions, they are still quite stable.
However, since her mother-in-law was sick and bedridden, Yang Yin's stable life had been disrupted.
Chu Hao is a filial piety child, in peacetime to his parents and the original family constantly feed back, after the mother-in-law accident, he is even more exhausted.
Yang Yin's mentality is very good, which is also one of the main reasons why her marriage with Chu Hao has been able to go all the way to today.
She felt that since she had chosen the "Phoenix Man", she would have to bear the burden brought about by the original family of the "Phoenix Man", and there was nothing to complain about, as long as the other party did not touch her bottom line.
02. The elderly are bedridden for a long time
The mother-in-law is a woman with a strong personality, and she has a deep imprint left by her era and the environment in which she grew up. Yang Yin and she have always been incompatible.
Originally, when Yang Yin's daughter was born, her mother-in-law came once,
Maybe it was that life was not used to it, or maybe Yang Yin had not been able to have a grandchild for her, which made her feel disappointed. In short, Yang Yin had not yet left the moon, and she left.
Later, the mother-in-law never came again.
After the mother-in-law's accident, the head underwent two minimally invasive operations, although the life is worry-free, but the left half of the body can not move, usually has been lying down, occasionally sit up, life can not take care of themselves.
Chu Hao also has a younger brother who lives in his hometown. After consultation between the two brothers, the mother-in-law was discharged from the hospital and moved to her brother's house to live, and the sister-in-law was responsible for taking care of it.
Chu Hao gives his sister-in-law 4,000 yuan a month as a cost to take care of the elderly.
Usually, Chu Hao will also fix 2,000 living expenses for his family every month. Although the expenditure of 6,000 a month is a big burden for small families, at least the problem is solved, and Chu Hao has also done filial piety.
Originally, everyone was at peace, but Chu Hao, who had low emotional intelligence, provoked his sister-in-law with a word. The sister-in-law would rather go out and earn a salary of 3,000 yuan than take care of her mother-in-law at home.
At that time, Chu Hao took the time to go home to visit his mother-in-law.
Chu Hao inadvertently found that his mother-in-law had bedsores on her body, and he was immediately distressed and said a few words to his brother.
Chu Hao usually helped his brother a lot, the two brothers had a good relationship, and the younger brother did not say anything after being reprimanded by him for a few words. However, the sister-in-law was also present at that time.
The sister-in-law is usually busy and busy, but also to take care of the in-laws, the days are long, the heart will inevitably produce boredom. In addition, the mother-in-law has been lying in bed for a long time, depressed, depressed, and often angry for no reason.
The sister-in-law, who originally felt depressed, was suddenly broken up by Chu Hao when she said this, and she threw up her hands and did not do it, she proposed two brothers and two families, taking turns to take care of her mother-in-law.
03. Quit my job and go back to take care of my mom
Chu Hao saw that his sister-in-law had a resolute attitude, and even divorced his brother, he was also a little angry, and proposed to ask a nanny to take care of his mother-in-law.
However, like the mother-in-law, who can't take care of herself, the salary of the live-in nanny is generally around 6,000, and she also has to manage food and housing.
The economic conditions of her brother's family were poor, and her sister-in-law was unwilling to share the cost, so she insisted that her mother-in-law move back to her house, and then the two brothers took turns to take care of them.
Chu Hao was helpless, and several of his proposals were rejected.
The mother-in-law did not want to leave her hometown to live in Chu Hao's house, and she did not want to go to the local nursing home for the elderly; the sister-in-law insisted that she would only have someone to take care of her mother-in-law, and as for the nursing fee, she would not pay a penny.
Chu Hao held his breath, things had not been handled well, and rushed back to work first. For him, filial piety is difficult to do both, and he can only consult with Yang Yin.
Chu Hao asked Yang Yin to go back to take care of his mother-in-law and take turns with his sister-in-law for half a year.
He felt that Yang Yin's salary was not high, and there was no prospect for development, plus she was a woman, and it was more convenient to take care of her mother-in-law.
As for the family, the daughter has grown up, and she lives in the school, and she doesn't need Yang Yin to worry about it.
After Yang Yin listened, he categorically refused. Because the mother-in-law's illness is a long-term thing, he can never use his own happiness as a price to fulfill his filial piety.
In order to take care of the mother-in-law's affairs, the couple quarreled.
04. Work filial piety is difficult to complete, phoenix man dumped the pot wife
Later, Chu Hao apologized to her, saying that he had not considered her position.
However, Chu Hao still did not give up. Chu Hao said that as long as she was willing to resign and go back to take care of her mother-in-law, she would hand over her salary card and help her renew her insurance...
Yang Yin was embarrassed, she did not want to damage the relationship between husband and wife because of this matter; she also did not want to ruin her own life happiness for the sake of each other's filial piety.
Weighing it up again and again, Yang Yin has always been undecided, and she posted online asking whether she should make concessions for the family?
Li Shangyin has a poetry cloud: mother's love has nothing to repay, and life is even more demanding.
Mother's love is boundless, nothing to repay, life is alive, what else can be pursued?
Be filial to your parents and do your best. However, please don't trade your partner's happiness at the price.
Marriage is not easy to help each other in the same boat, share weal and woe, and share life together. Instead of "throwing the pot" to your partner, let the other party sacrifice for you, pay for you, and take risks for you.
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~