Emotions are a unique proof that everyone is born, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's stories are the same, hello! Hello, I am Yu'er, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
Bi Shumin said: Loving yourself well is simple and simple common sense.
Wilde also said: Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
In the "Sister Riding the Wind and Waves" program, cecilia Cheung's life ranking is also to put herself first.
She said: If I don't know myself, how can I protect my beloved children and family?
Deeply. At any given time, we should learn to love ourselves before we love others.
01. After the marriage is over, is a woman who does not want children cruel?
Knowingly, there was a hot post: After the marriage is over, is a woman who does not want children cruel?
Here's a high-praise answer:
After the marriage, whether a woman wants children or not depends on whether she can assume the responsibility of parenthood, and it depends on the economic and mental conditions of both parties to decide, which has little to do with whether she is cruel or not.
At all times, you have to remember to always put yourself first. A mother with an independent personality is always more helpful to her child than a mother who is only a promise in everything.
It is true that a woman is first herself and then a mother; only by being good at herself can she be a good mother.
When a woman, who has just ended an unhappy marriage, is in a trance, and is also facing financial pressure, it is irresponsible to reluctantly take away the child when she is not yet able to take care of herself.
A friend of mine, at the end of his marriage, chose not to have children.
Her ex-husband is a man who lacks responsibility, and if she takes the child, the child may not have a father from then on, and the ex-husband will quickly forget the existence of the child and start a new life.
In psychology, there is a word called "sunk cost effect", in short, that is, the more a person pays for a thing, the more he cares.
Friends feel that the child follows the ex-husband, the ex-husband no longer has a sense of responsibility, will not let go of his own children, when he invests more in the child, the more he will care about the child.
Moreover, the ex-husband's conditions are better than her in all aspects, and the child's grandparents also love the child. In other words, the ex-husband was able to give the child a better environment to grow up in, and she was still looking for a job.
Friends say that she now spends a lot of time every day to improve herself and try to make money, and she wants to make herself better and make herself a solid backing for her children in the future.
Of course, although she did not take the child, the love and warmth she gave to the child never fell. She sees her kids at least twice a week and makes video calls every day...
Friends said that no matter what, the child was a piece of flesh that fell from her body, and she was always the mother of the child.
02. At the end of the marriage, as long as the children do not want money
Reader Chang Fei (pseudonym) made another choice many years ago.
When she divorced, she chose not to have money as long as the children. Now that things have changed, she looks back on the past, sighs with emotion, and bluntly says that the original choice was the stupidest decision she had ever made in her life.
Cross with jun in the same boat, and return to the shore.
It is never a pleasant thing for Lao Yan to fly apart. Chang Fei is a traditional woman, marriage is a lifetime for her, and turning away is not what she wants.
But, as the writer Samuel put it, the success of a marriage depends on two people, and one person can make it fail.
After Chang Fei's ex-husband became rich, he became infatuated with a young woman, violated her bottom line, and even moved his hands on her.
It is tolerable, and it is intolerable. Chang Fei chose to end the marriage, for the custody of the children, she would rather leave the house than share a piece of property.
The ex-husband has been in business for many years and is good at calculation.
He was willing to give up the child because the young woman was already pregnant. The ex-husband strictly followed the maintenance standard at that time, gave Chang Fei and the child some money every month, and refused to give more than a dime.
Chang Fei has been a full-time mother at home since the birth of her child, and she has been away from the workplace for many years, and her life with her child alone is unbearable.
The conditions of the mother's family are not good, the brother is married, she lives in the mother's house for a month, after finding a job, she goes out to rent a house, and the six-year-old child follows her all the way and suffers a lot.
03. My son kowtows to my ex-husband and the woman who destroyed his original family in front of me
The psychological impact of the parents' marriage change on the child is obvious. In the process of children's growth, how to grasp the degree of discipline makes Chang Fei very headache.
Too spoiled, worried about the child becoming bad; too strict, the child will compare the parents, and thus more inclined to the side that dotes on him.
The ex-husband is extremely shrewd, well aware of the weaknesses of human nature, responsive to children's needs, in addition to not giving money, usually a variety of gifts continue.
Every weekend during visiting hours, the ex-husband takes the children around eating and playing wildly.
Watching movies, playing video games, swimming, eating Western food, as long as the child asks for it, the ex-husband will grant his wishes.
In the eyes of children, Dad is an angel-like being. Every time he returns from his ex-husband, the child's emotions become unstable, and falling from heaven into the world may be his feelings.
Chang Fei is tired of running every day, and in addition to busy work, she must be responsible for the child's eating, drinking, and sleeping, and also have to tutor the child's homework and care about the child's learning.
It is also necessary to correct the child's bad words and deeds, behavior habits... This close time day and night, it is inevitable that chickens will fly and dogs will jump.
Therefore, in the child's mind, Chang Fei's status is not at all inferior to her ex-husband.
Chang Fei can't help but be a little sad, the ex-husband is relaxed every week, playing with the child for half a day, and easily crushing his own daily morning and dark work.
Later, the child graduated from college and had a girlfriend.
The girlfriend's family conditions are average, her parents are not in good health, and there is no pension. Chang Fei opposed their interaction, feeling that such a woman's family would make her son's future life very difficult.
Chang Fei warned her son to find at least one woman's family who could pay for a house together.
However, the son identified each other, and the mother and son quarreled very stiffly because of this matter, and lasted for more than half a year.
Later, the ex-husband saw that the time was almost up, and happily took out a house and used it as a marriage room for the child. Although the house is still in the name of the ex-husband and the woman, the child is still grateful to both of them.
Soon after, the child got married, and he confessed affectionately to his father at the wedding, and even invited the woman who destroyed his original family to the main table to kowtow in front of Chang Fei.
04. At all times, women have to love themselves well
Chang Fei did not want to share the table with the woman, so she walked to the side, sad, and couldn't help but let the tears slip down.
When asked, she smiled and said, "I am happy that my children are married, and from now on, I can finally be myself and live for myself." ”
Life is like this, always have to wait for the sour, sweet, bitter and spicy taste, human feelings are cold and warm, will understand that only in this world is their own destination.
As Yi Shu said in "The First Half of My Life":
After all, a person can be trusted, but she herself, and it is also herself who can raise her eyebrows.
Chang Fei said that at the end of the marriage, as long as the children do not want money, it is the stupidest decision I have ever made in my life. Not only did it hurt the child, but it also delayed itself.
So, at the end of the marriage, should a woman have children?
I think as a mother, when you are at a major point in your life, you must maintain your sanity, have a global perspective and a long-term vision, and see yourself and your child as a community of destiny.
Your wealth is the wealth of the child; you have a future, the child can have a future.
So, do you know how to choose?
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~