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When it comes to divorce, many people behave very irritable, because divorce is a particularly head-scratching thing for most people, yes, divorce is more like a war without smoke, a few back and forth, basically no one can withdraw to their origin unscathed.
Divorced men and women, most of them can't learn what it means to get together and disperse. Either holding the revenge psychology of "you don't make me comfortable, you don't want to be better", or doing the stupid thing of "hurting the enemy eight hundred and self-destructing a thousand", the final result is exhausted and miserable.
For this kind of "cockfighting" divorce, how many people will be calm?
In fact, really smart people will choose to get together and part ways. Don't hurt, because you've loved each other; don't dwell on it, because it's more troublesome to know how to "cut and keep messing". Generously admit the failure of the marriage, admit your powerlessness in the failed marriage, and then withdraw with dignity, throwing all the love and hate, resentment and hurt into the past. In order to reorganize the mood and live a good life in the future.
Some people may say, "Do not persuade others to be good without suffering from others"; others may say, "Why should I not be careful?" Why should we gather well and disperse"? If you think clearly about the following two questions, you will understand why I want to advise you to try to get together and disperse when divorcing. Because of the divorce that is good to get together and disperse, there are 2 major benefits, which are worth your generosity.
First, good gathering and dispersion, the benefits for both parties to the divorce
Many divorced couples, when the divorce process begins, are invariably thinking about who is right and who is wrong. In fact, the focus of divorce is not to discuss right and wrong, but to solve the problem. This is the point that those who are making a lot of noise about divorce and the scandals that have spread all over the country do not realize.
There are always people who feel that they are the most wronged party when they divorce, so they have to complain about everyone who catches them. In fact, as a bystander, no matter which party complains, it is reasonable.
The reason is very simple, everything is caused by people's habitual thinking. In the face of conflict, everyone instinctively protects themselves first and pushes the responsibility on the other.
Of course, some people will tell the truth with their conscience, but there is no shortage of shady villains who play rogue black and white to deliberately slander the no-fault party. So, right and wrong really don't matter that much, unless you still want to continue living together and you want the other person to change. However, this is not the case, and the result you want is divorce.
Then, solving the problem and solving the problem cleanly is the core.
In addition, it is difficult for the clean officials to judge the household affairs, although each of you has your own account in your heart, but outsiders cannot really know the little things between your husband and wife, nor can they fully empathize.
How much emotional or physical harm you have suffered during your marriage is little known to outsiders, so you will not be as fair as you wish to be fair.
Since there are so many grievances, since you have decided to get rid of all this, then run to solve the problem, do not gamble, do not quarrel with useless fights, and do not do malicious slander that harms others and harms yourself. The more angry you are, the more others see how unbearable you really are in your marriage, and you will only sympathize with each other in turn.
Those things that are closed between husband and wife, too much entanglement can only be ridiculous, there is no effect on the trauma of feelings, and it does not play a positive role in the outcome of divorce. The so-called "when the break is continuous, the chaos is reversed", in order not to spend time and energy on the feelings that have been irreparable, simply turn around, generously give up, in fact, in the fulfillment of themselves.
Since there is no longer love for each other, and since all that remains is pain, stop pouring salt on your own wounds. Whether it is considering the cost of time or money, good gathering and good dispersion are the best choice. The so-called "letting go of others is also letting go of yourself." "Save meaningless wasted time, do what is more meaningful to you later, and live the life you want."
Second, good gathering and good dispersion, the benefits for children
There are more problems with children in divorced families, which is a consensus and a naked social reality. It is precisely because the divorced parties desperately for their own selfish desires and do not care about the old love of "one day husband and wife hundred days" tear their faces, like the hatred of the mortal enemy, so that the child's young heart has since planted the seeds of uneasiness.
Therefore, the "children of single-parent families" were once "looked at differently".
According to common sense, children are the "crystallization of love" between husband and wife, but to the point of divorce, no one thinks about how to care for this innocent child. Some couples even treat their children as a burden for future remarriage, pushing between father and mother like a leather ball.
However, as an adult, you should know that children are responsibilities, responsibilities, not burdens. This is the minimum conscience and bottom line of parenthood.
Marriage is a contract, and there is no problem with the freedom of divorce. However, please be worthy of the most basic conscience of being a human being, and please take on the responsibilities that parents should assume.
Since there is no ability to maintain family harmony, there is no ability to give children a complete family. Then, please give your child as much fatherly and maternal love as possible. At the very least, children must not be shrouded in haze from an early age.
No matter how big the "deep hatred" between husband and wife, don't show the ugliest side of human nature to the child, which will greatly affect his long life in the future. You know, unfortunate childhood, it is really likely that it may take a long life to heal.
Therefore, if the marriage really can't go on, it is also a matter between adults, and the child is not wrong. If we must say that it is wrong, it is also the mistake of two adults because they have no sense of responsibility and do whatever they want.
Therefore, for the sake of the children, please do not divorce as an enemy.
You can think about your property interests, but don't be unscrupulous, let alone hysterical. Divorce, a little decent, is actually to respect your former feelings.
Don't let the seeds of hatred be planted in your child's heart from an early age, let him hate his father or mother from an early age. Maybe your orientation is to let the child stand by your side and help you fight the person who hurts you the most, but your selfishness will only harm the child's life, let him live with hatred all his life, if you really do that, then your cruelty is inhuman.
Children are your own flesh and blood, please be merciful in the event of divorce. "Tiger poison does not eat children", as a high-level human being, please remember: for the sake of children, it is good to get together and disperse when divorced. (Image source network, infringement immediate deletion)