1, female colleagues have to pestering me to borrow a car, I said that the car and the daughter-in-law do not lend. The female colleague said breathlessly: "Brother, I will ask you, do you have a daughter-in-law?" I smiled awkwardly, "Daughter-in-law."

1, female colleagues have to pestering me to borrow a car, I said that the car and the daughter-in-law do not lend. The female colleague said breathlessly: "Brother, I will ask you, do you have a daughter-in-law?" I smiled awkwardly: "My daughter-in-law doesn't have it, but I really can't borrow it." I only pulled my daughter-in-law in the car! The female colleague said, "I know, so don't you pull me to and from work every day?" I was in a hurry: "You don't talk nonsense, we said okay, I will pull you to and from work, give 600 yuan a month." The female colleague heard the words, sneered, and said: "Brother, do you know why you don't have a daughter-in-law?" "I said I know, because I don't have a house, and now women are realistic, and no one can marry without a house." The female colleague shook her head and said, "It seems that you still don't understand!" I also sneered and said, "What do you know?" Are you marrying me? The problem is that your husband can agree. Don't think it's so useless, the car money must be given, and I don't borrow the car. The female colleague asked: "You don't have a daughter-in-law, why are you afraid of borrowing a car?" I snorted and said, "I'm not an idiot, I'll lend you a car, and you and your husband will go on an outing?" The female colleague asked, "Are you jealous?" I snorted, "Do you know why I didn't choose you as my daughter-in-law?" She said why, I said, "It's because you're so stupid, I'm jealous you don't know, ignore you, ahem." "I was secretly frightened, so dangerous, fortunately I did not forget my original intention, I only thought about money, otherwise I would almost be tricked by her."

2, I went out shopping with my boyfriend, after I tried a bracelet, I couldn't take it off, and then he rushed over, and gave me a bad fate to pick it down, and I picked the skin! Still can't take it down. He sighed and said to me, "Daughter-in-law, do you know why?" I thought he would say that this was fate, and he couldn't take it off and buy something, who knew that he said: "Daughter-in-law, because your arms are too thick, hurry up and lose weight!?"

3, the birth control ring accidentally fell off and became pregnant, I was not willing to hit the child, I gave birth to the child. Now that my son is in elementary school, his academic performance is particularly poor. Last night my son came back from school with a look of excitement on his face. I smiled and asked: What did you learn today? Son: Improper use and sentence making! Me: You make one I listen to? Son: My dad not only plays mahjong with good luck, but also has good athlete's foot!

4. The sister-in-law and the rich second generation boyfriend have been together for more than a year, but he ended up getting involved with the sister-in-law's girlfriend. After knowing this news, the sister-in-law almost vomited blood, thinking that she could not cheapen him. So the sister-in-law said with red eyes: Look at our year-long love, can you have a final kiss with me? Then Fu Er Daiichi hugged the little sister-in-law and kissed her, and then the little sister-in-law suddenly shouted with all her might: Catch the rogue! —Blink of an eye, come a lot of help, beat the rich second generation hard - Dun.........

5. I graduated from Tsinghua University majoring in mechatronics, and now I am an electrical engineer at Huawei, with an annual salary of 2 million yuan. Professional habits, often carry a test pen in the pocket, so that you can check the line at any time. Today I gave 10,000 yuan in bonuses and took my wife to go shopping. The owner of the clothing store said enthusiastically: The quality of this cardigan is particularly good, and it does not withstand static electricity. I took out my test pen and lightly scratched it on the cardigan, and immediately there was a "Diddy" sound. The boss was surprised and said: Buy a dress does not have to be so professional, right?

6. The classmates who have not been in contact for more than ten years suddenly send a message to the brother-in-law: Is it there? The brother-in-law did not dare to return. After a while he sent it again, and the brother-in-law did not borrow money. The brother-in-law looked at it for a while or did not return, and then he sent it again, and the brother-in-law did not marry. The brother-in-law hurriedly typed back to him: I was busy just now, I'm sorry, what's the matter? He typed: I will open the hotel next week, the time and place will send you, there is time to come and celebrate!

7. Just after returning from the motorcycle club in the evening, my son ran to me. The son asked, "Dad, have you ever seen a train?" I said, "Not only have I seen it, I've sat there." The son said, "Then tell me what it's like to take the train?" Me: "It was very dangerous to take the train, so I stayed in the hospital for a month." The son looked puzzled: "Why?" Me: "I think when I was racing motorcycles with people, the motorcycle caught fire in the middle of the road, and almost burned me to death!" ”

8. I remember when I was a child, I went to the mountains to play with my cousin during the summer vacation. Seeing that there was a honeycomb on the tree, I didn't know the strength of the wasp, and I took the bamboo pole I brought with me to the bucket. As soon as the honeycomb landed on the ground, there was a harsh beep, and my cousin and I only hated that my father and mother had four legs less, and ran forward, but still stung several times. When I struggled to return to the door and knocked on the door, my mother looked at my swollen pig-headed face and said: Little friend, you came to find my little bright, right? He's out and playing and not at home.?

9. The little nephew who is in elementary school owes his classmates 10 yuan, so he stole his grandfather's night pot to offset it. The little nephew said: "This is an antique, the Qing Dynasty is very valuable, you accept us two Qing!" Later, the little nephew always felt guilty, and many years later, when the classmates met him at the party, they plucked up enough courage to apologize to him! The buddy drunkenly said: "What a big deal, I already knew that it was a lie to me, how could that pot be from the Qing Dynasty, it was from the Tang Dynasty, since my father sold 1800000, I decided that the 10 yuan was not wanted!" ”

10. At more than nine o'clock in the morning, a sister rushed to the company. The boss asked, "Why are you late?" She explained: "I saw a car accident on the road, a man was thrown out of the car, he broke his leg, his head was also scratched, he shed a lot of blood, fortunately I learned surgical first aid..." Boss: "So how did you deal with it?" She said in horror: "I sat on the ground with my head on my knees, so that I was not frightened to faint." ”

11. Today's fourth-grade niece asked me: I ask you a math problem! My heart tightened after listening to it, wouldn't it be difficult? Now the math problems in elementary school are also very difficult, and I even turn on the computer and am always ready. Then he answered her very calmly: "You can say it." She: "How much does 800 million times 900 million equal?" "This is simply defiling my IQ!" Eighty-nine-seventy-two! Seven and two billion!

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #