After the female colleague divorced, she rented the opposite door of my house, and became a female neighbor, she was the wrong party, almost out of the house, life was a little difficult, always eat instant noodles, I looked at Yu Xin can't bear it, just called

After the female colleague divorced, rented the door across from my house, and became a female neighbor, she was the wrong party, almost out of the house, life was a little difficult, always eat instant noodles, I looked at Yu Xin can't bear it, I asked her to come over to dinner. After a few days, she wanted to stop talking, but still said: "Brother, otherwise, I will come directly to you as a girlfriend, so that I can eat conveniently!" "I didn't say yes or no, it was a bit embarrassing, to be honest, I don't like women who are married twice, after all, I am not yet married." The female colleague saw me a little hesitant, and immediately got angry, said: "Brother, you are crossing the river and demolishing the bridge, last time if you did not say that you first experience the feeling of love, can my husband divorce me?" I justified, "I just said I wanted to experience what it's like to be in love, and who knows you're going to have to mess with me!" The female colleague sneered: "Isn't that the thing about love?" She said: "The past seven love experiences have taught me that when I am in love, I want to be noisy!" I said helplessly: "Anyway, that's my first love, I don't understand, I listen to you, so you can't blame me for the accident!" "In order for her to give up that non-divided thought, I started not cooking since the afternoon and ate instant noodles like her. I thought to myself that there was no food, and she probably gave up. As a result, she became more and more happy and said, "Brother, I didn't expect us to have a common hobby!" "Why don't you do it, is this guy lying on me?" I really don't know that when I am in love, I am going to make a fuss, and I didn't expect her husband to be so careful, so he made a fuss and was going to divorce.

2. During the May Day holiday, my girlfriend and I went to a country hotel to play. We slept at night and a couple of bullfrogs in the nearby pond croaked and were annoying. My girlfriend asked me impatiently, "Why did the bullfrog bark all day and not play?" I said, "According to scientific evidence, they are courtship." Girlfriend: "Why isn't that called in the supermarket?" Me:, they are about to be stewed, so do you still have the heart to fall in love? ”

3. In the waiting room of the station, one of my brothers saw that there were young girls sitting around, so they took out their mobile phones and called: "Hey, ah, it's Vice President Li, how?" 500,000 over there, or cash? Don't you just call him for 500,000 and ask him if 500,000 is enough. The brother looked at the expressions of the two girls left and right with the corners of his eyes while on the phone, and the girl on the right had been staring at him, a little overjoyed. When the brother's eyes met the girl," he smiled and said to my brother, "Big brother, your mobile phone is really cattle, and if the battery drops, you can still make calls." ”

4. My family introduced me to a good girl who has been single for 30 years and has a stable job after graduating from undergraduate. On this day, a couple of buddies asked me to go to Miami for a drink, and I took my new girlfriend with me. Just sat down, the surrounding booths successively sent a few bottles of xo and a few packs of Chinese, and left without saying a word. A few buddies said slightly mockingly: I haven't seen it in a few days, and the people are quite wide! I said with a puzzled face: I don't know! Then the girlfriend who was sitting next to me said: "That, these are my friends." I'm thinking about whether or not to break up with her now.

5. Because I thought SF's salary was too low, I jumped ship and went to work at JD.com, which was higher paid. Every day when I go to the office, I can hear the female colleagues showing affection. Today, my boyfriend called me, I was happy and broken, and I could finally show it. Although I am fatter, I also have a boyfriend! After answering the phone, I turned on the speakerphone and shouted softly: Honey! As a result, the boyfriend on the other side of the phone listened, stunned for a while, and said: Dead fat man, what is your situation, you eat the wrong feed and have swine fever?

6. My cousin felt that the salary of the electronics factory was lower than that of the electronics factory and quit his job in the electronics factory and started the second-hand car business. On that day, a customer came in and said he wanted to buy a car for about 50,000 yuan. The cousin showed him the old Passat, he looked at it more satisfied, and then he was about to test drive and drove out. After starting the car, the customer immediately ran away, and the cousin chased for half a day without catching up. Finally and sister-in-law called to talk about this, sister-in-law is scolding him, the customer actually came back, said that he bought a car without money, go home to withdraw money!

7. Qianqian's girlfriend gave birth to a pair of dragon and phoenix fetuses, and Qianqian went to the hospital to see her girlfriend and baby. Qianqian looked at a pair of cute babies and said: Brothers and sisters are exactly the same, so cute, I want to have a baby. Her girlfriend's 6-year-old son came over and said: You invite me to ice cream, I let you wrap your sister away. Qianqian: Why don't you let me pack my brother away. Her girlfriend's eldest son: My grandmother said that when I grew up, I would not be able to marry a wife, and she would exchange my sister for a wife. Qianqian: ...

8. Today's salary is paid, and I ask a few buddies to play mahjong. Passing by a hotel, I suddenly heard someone calling my name. I turned my head to see a small elementary school classmate walking happily toward me. As soon as he took my hand, he said, "Brother, how do you know that my father is celebrating his sixtieth birthday?" It was so unexpected, hurry up, go in and sit down. "It was only then that I found out that the hotel was hosting a banquet. Now I'm going to call my buddies and tell them what happened to me, hoping they'll believe me releasing their pigeons, not because I don't have any money.

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #