The wife and husband quarreled and slept in separate rooms. In the middle of the night, my wife quietly came in with a pair of scissors, cut a big hole in the mosquito net, and said to herself: Let the mosquitoes bite you! An hour later, the wife came again and took it

The wife and husband quarreled and slept in separate rooms. In the middle of the night, my wife quietly came in with a pair of scissors, cut a big hole in the mosquito net, and said to herself: Let the mosquitoes bite you! An hour later, the wife came again and took the tape to glue the mosquito net. My husband was very touched: my wife knife mouth tofu heart, or it hurt me a lot! Just when I wanted to say something, I listened to my wife say to myself: The mosquitoes are almost in, and they can't let them run...

2 My mother-in-law is in her 50s and has given birth to a brother-in-law. That day, the wife took her brother-in-law to the clothing store to buy clothes. Picking it up, the shop owner said to his wife: Girl, your children are so old, I really can't see it! The wife was immediately angry, dropped her clothes and hugged her brother-in-law and left. After coming out, the more she thought about it, the more aggrieved she became, and her wife sat on the steps and began to cry. A great uncle passed by and said with concern: Little fellow, why did you make your mother cry?

3 A few days ago, I paid a salary and bought a new electric donkey, and today I was going to leave after work, and I met the leader, and he had to sit. As a result, as soon as he sat up, he listened to a bang and blew up the tire! I just wanted to say something, the department boss pointed at me and said: Tell you to eat less and lose some weight, you don't believe it, now, the fetus is exploded by you! Looking at his body of more than 300 pounds, I don't want to say anything...

4. The father-in-law sold 20,000 pigs and drove the new Maybach to take his mother-in-law to dinner. He took the menu and asked the waiter: Is there an Australian lobster?

Waiter: Sorry, no.

He doesn't even have this, what restaurant does he open? After the father-in-law finished speaking, he left with his mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law asked her father-in-law: How can this kind of restaurant have Australian lobster?

Father-in-law: No, I looked at the menu, here a Buddha jumping off the wall costs 800 yuan, let's go!

5 I am a courier, the salary is more than 6,000 yuan a month, ten years ago and my daughter-in-law married after giving birth to a big fat boy.

But I was very happy and loved him, and on this day I picked up my son on the way from school, my son asked me: Dad, how do you say other people are, okay?

Me: Modern society should have its own personality, live out itself, and not follow the crowd.

Son: Dad is right. I have a lot of personality in this exam.

Me: Tell me what's going on?

Son: I didn't pass the exam in the whole class. I didn't skin it for a day and it was itchy.  

6 The sister worked as a waiter in the supermarket, and as a result, she was mistakenly looked at by the chairman, and finally the two successfully held a wedding.

After I graduated from college, I was at home to eat the old, my sister saw that I was smart and clever, let me go to be my brother-in-law's driver, specifically to explain what the wind and grass I want to be the first to report to her.

Today my brother-in-law is going to recruit a female secretary, and I immediately informed my sister.

Sister: Help me find someone reliable.

I thought about it: What about my girlfriend.

Sister: What are the conditions?

Me: Bachelor's degree, height 150, weight 150.

My sister agreed without hesitation!

7 Grew up with my buddies, and last month when I got married he came to dinner with a gift of 200 and a whole bunch of people.

Today it was his turn to get married, and I sent him a red envelope of 300 yuan.

Then he sent a message saying: I won't drink the wine, and it just so happens that my cousin is also married on the same day.

What made me very angry was that he actually replied to me: Stingy!

Angry I screenshot sent a circle of friends: when I got married you followed the gift of 200, you married I followed the 300, I asked the heart without shame, which point is sorry for you, but also said that I am stingy?

In less than five minutes, there were a whole bunch of people commenting.

Take a look at the most intimate comment of my ex-girlfriend: advise you not to send him an invitation next time you get married!  

8 Playing V-letter, I found a little sister, and I had a special conversation with her, so I asked her what she looked like. She said she was 168 tall and had long hair. I said if I could be more specific. She said it wasn't specific? I said sure, find a 168 mop and turn it upside down to be just like you? Then she just blacked me out... 

9 In the middle of the night, a couple was at home, heard a knock on the door, and the man asked, "Who?" The outsider replied, "Neighbor, you forgot to pull out the key to your house, and it hangs on the door." The man just wanted to open the door, and the wife said, "Isn't your key on the table?" The man said to the outside, "I'm at home with the key." "There was no movement outside, and through the door mirror I saw three men sneaking away." If the door is opened, the consequences are unimaginable!!

10 The secretary wants to have a child, and the chairman personally visits! The doctor gave guidance, and the secretary's husband was also nearby. The doctor said: "The mother's stomach hurts, it is the child who wants to see the father, as long as the child's father puts his hand on the mother's stomach, the mother will not hurt!" The husband quickly put his hand on the secretary's stomach, but the secretary couldn't stand the pain even more and screamed! When the chairman saw it, he hurriedly pulled the secretary's husband's hand away and said, "The posture you put is not right!" Saying that, he put his hand on the secretary's stomach, and the secretary immediately stopped hurting!

11 The first time I went to my girlfriend's house for dinner, it was too late and I needed to stay overnight. Her mom said: "It's all right, there's a room! My girlfriend's little nephew, who was five, took the carton of milk and said, "Uncle, I'll show you the guest room!" He poured the milk on the bed and looked at me with a smile... Late at night, I tossed and turned on the couch in the hard living room, wondering how to get the two hundred pieces back from her little nephew!