1. When I met my first love at the classmate meeting, she took the initiative to greet me: "How old is the child?" "I said I wasn't married. The first love's face darkened: "Are you still waiting for me?" Don't be silly, I won't let you

1. When I met my first love at the classmate meeting, she took the initiative to greet me: "How old is the child?" "I said I wasn't married. The first love's face darkened: "Are you still waiting for me?" Don't be silly, I won't let you get mine. I sneered and ignored it. The class leader came over and said, "Old classmate, last time you borrowed me 3 million, can you pay it back next month?" "I said yes. When the first love saw this, she couldn't help but move closer to me and whispered, "You can still chase me now!" I moved to the side, "I won't let you get mine." After the first love left, the class leader came over and shook my hand and said, "Old classmate, I'm interesting enough.... Give you a long face. "I quickly pulled my hand away, this dead fat man has been secretly in love with me for ten years, and he will not change his heart."

2, I am a dog who has been single for 30 years, and I was lucky at the beginning of this year. At that time, I picked up an old man who fell on the side of the road and took him to the hospital. Unexpectedly, the old man turned out to be a billionaire, and in order to repay my life-saving grace, he gave me a Maybach S800. I certainly can't afford such a luxurious car, so I sold the car and exchanged it for 10 million in cash. After having money, I married a celebrity wife, and now that we've been married for three months, my wife suspects she's pregnant. So today I went to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test stick, stood there and read the instructions. After 10 minutes, the pharmacist said to me: "The pregnancy test stick can only test whether there is a pregnancy, and it cannot detect whether it is yours!" ”

3, idle bored high a female number, added the buddy V letter. The more we talked, the more hi we were, and we sent him a group of beautiful photos, and the voice changer cooked the phone porridge. A few days later, saying that I was short of money, the goods called me 1314 three times, and then I threw away the number. The boy came to me for a drink, and we both drank too much, and I accidentally told the truth. Later, we fell out!

4. When I bought lottery tickets, I met a rich second-generation buddy. To attend his wedding last week, the celebrant needed four guests to take the stage to participate in the balloon game. The prize is very tempting, it is actually two soft Chinese! I thought that this prize was worth thousands of dollars, and I went on stage to fight for my life, and broke all their balloons, and I wouldn't elaborate on the ugliness. When it was time to present the award, the bridesmaids came up with a tray covered with red cloth. I was particularly excited, I was dumbfounded when I unveiled the red cloth, it was actually two soft Chinese toothpaste!

5. This week, my girlfriend's husband and three female colleagues went on a business trip to other places, and my girlfriend was particularly happy to invite me to eat the buffet. The girlfriend took a lot of meat food, and when she was eating it, she suddenly slapped herself violently. I grabbed her hands in fright and exclaimed, "What are you doing?" How painful it is to beat yourself! The girlfriend said with special remorse: Alas, my weight loss plan is about to fail again, I just can't control my mouth, hit a few times out of the air! After saying that, she took a large lobster and ate it.

6. The brother-in-law found a bank card in the park, and the card also read: Password 000333! He was ecstatic and hurried to a nearby bank to withdraw the money. The brother-in-law handed the bank card to the staff, and then nervously entered the password, fortunately the password was correct. The staff member asked, "Sir, how much money are you going to?" The brother-in-law had the courage to say, "Two hundred thousand." The teller actually said: "I'm sorry, 60,000 and above must be booked in advance, please ask you to make an appointment?" The brother-in-law was surprised and said, "Well, then I'll take fifty thousand first." Staff: "I'm sorry, you don't have any money in this card!" ”?

7. Delivering takeaway food in Meituan, with a monthly salary of more than 10,000 yuan. Because my income was so low, I never found a girlfriend. After work last night, I went to a new bar for a drink. I said to my boss, "Boss, can you tell me a silent story?" The boss took out a pot of wine: "This wine is called daughter red, a local specialty, here, if anyone has a daughter, they will bury a pot of wine under the osmanthus tree, and then take it out to entertain the guests on the day of their daughter's marriage." Curious, I asked, "Where is this story?" The boss immediately gave me the wine: "Hurry up and try it, it is a hundred years old." ”

8. I am a strict father, and I educate my son regardless of the occasion. Today I teach my son in KFC: "I can't beat your mother when I'm so old, I can beat your grandmother when I'm 10 years old!" An old man couldn't take it anymore and said to me, "Have you educated your children like this?" How to be a father! I was surprised and said, "I'm talking about League of Legends SOLO!" "The old man was instantly ashamed! Red gone...?

9. Last night, my buddies sent me a WeChat: Dude, lend me 9800, I am in a hurry!! I don't think I even thought about using WeChat to transfer 9800 yuan, men of course understand men!! The wife looked over and suddenly asked: 9800 pieces?? I said: Brothers don't ask why, we men are different from you women, less suspicious, more trust!! The wife gritted her teeth and asked word by word: I am asking you where the 9800 yuan came from???

10. I accompanied the boss to meet the customer and passed by a fee-paying station. No scan code transfers are accepted, only cash is accepted. Talk to her nicely, theory for half a day, useless. I was suddenly angry and threw up my throat: "Now that people are out, which one of them is stupid to bring his own wallet!" "I looked in the rearview mirror of the car and saw the boss's hand, which had taken half of his wallet out of his suit pocket, and he shook it visibly and slowly tucked it back in.

11, went to work for a day, warmed up and sweated, got off work and rushed to the bathroom to take a shower, after taking a shower, I found that I forgot to bring my underwear. Open the bathroom door to a slit and ask my mom to bring it for me. My mother said: It has been raining heavily for several days in a row, and I have not dried my clothes!!!! I was in a hurry to put it on, so I shouted: Mom, you go buy me one. After half a day, I finally heard my mother say: Buy a good !!!! I listened: Then bring it in for me!!!! As a result, she said: What is urgent, it has not been shipped yet!!!!

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #