1, there is a young woman in our unit, just divorced, called me to accompany her to drink, she wants to borrow wine to dispel her sorrows, a drunken party to rest. I said come to my house, I'll make a few dishes, buy a few bottles of wine, and make you well

1, there is a young woman in our unit, just divorced, called me to accompany her to drink, she wants to borrow wine to dispel her sorrows, a drunken party to rest. I said come to my house, I'll cook a few dishes, buy a few bottles of wine, and get you a good get drunk. I was drinking, her ex-husband came, to take her away, I said, tonight I accompanied your ex-wife to drink and eat vegetables, spent a hundred and twenty dollars, please pay it, right? He snorted, gave me two hundred dollars, and then flew away. Looking at the two hundred dollars that arrived, I smiled, it was really beautiful.

2, the sister-in-law's ex-husband is a scumbag, and ran away with a greasy rich woman. The sister-in-law has a strong personality, signed a divorce agreement, and flashed marriage with a blind date. After the wedding, the two went to Ireland for their honeymoon. Then, when her husband went back in the middle of something, she went on a tour by herself. After coming back, I was very excited, as soon as I entered the house, I saw my husband cooking, rushed over and hugged you and said: Husband, I want to kill you, right, what is your name??

3. After the son was admitted to college, he saw that his roommates were playing games with notebooks and computers, and he also wanted to buy one. I asked him, "The computer at home is not broken, why buy a new one?" The son said: "I take it too heavy back and forth, if there are two, one for the dormitory, one for the home, how convenient it is." I smiled and said, "Then I have another son, you can go to school with peace of mind, and you don't have to come back later, it's more convenient." ”

4. I still remember that in my senior year, I proposed to my girlfriend, and my girlfriend calmly took out a glass bottle, and I was very puzzled. My girlfriend said: Every time you make me cry after marriage, I put the tears in the bottle. I said: You're not as efficient as keeping a diary!" The girlfriend then said: When this bottle is filled with my tears, I will definitely leave you without hesitation! I've been married for five years, and yesterday I secretly turned out my wife's bottle and poured a big spoonful of water. As a result, he was found by his wife and beaten.

5. Shopping with my girlfriend, I also met a few old classmates who were carrying a bag of strawberries. I asked for a few, and after my classmates left, my girlfriend kept complaining about my thick skin. As I walked, my shoelaces loosened, pressed the strawberries to my girlfriend, and tied my laces with my head down. When I got up, I found that my girlfriend had finished eating the strawberries and said: How sweet! "

6. Dad and his buddies drink at home. Mom saw that they drank a lot, so she took advantage of the brothers' lack of attention and secretly flipped the tea into Dad's wine glass to pretend to be beer. Dude: Come, deep feelings, a mouthful! Say goodbye and dry the beer in your glass. Dad held the wine glass ink for half a day without drinking, buddy anxious: is it a brother! I'm done, you hurry! Dad said weakly: It's not that I don't want to drink, it's that this wine is a little hot.

7, take your girlfriend out to play, walk on the road, your girlfriend's canvas shoes are old enough to open glue. I squatted down and picked up my girlfriend, embarrassed. At this time, a Maybach stopped next to me, the window rolled down, and there sat my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend, who looked at me with disdain, smiled and asked my girlfriend: "Do you regret it?" The girlfriend smiled faintly and said, "Your father gave it to you, and we will have it later!" I saw my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend yell at me, "Dad! You see how angry the queen mother talks!

8, my daughter said to me solemnly: Dad, you must not put money in the bank, the money will be gone! Me: Why? Daughter: Every year I press the New Year's money, my mother said that I was deposited in the bank, and the result was gone! Girl, you are right, your father and my salary were also deposited in the bank by your mother, and it was gone! daughter:...... kindness.

9, stomach pain, hurriedly ran into the toilet, after solving a pocket, found that there is no paper. I was at a loss for words and planned to ask someone next to me to borrow it. Shouting at people in the toilet, the students, both men and women, ran out, and everyone thought something was wrong. There were even a few male and female teachers running into the toilet, and I went to the toilet. That scene, that was really embarrassing. Mention, the principal is criticizing me!

10, the dormitory brothers are particularly unobtrusive, cold and use our cup to drink water, the result is a cold. Later, yiyi or two goods went to the hospital to buy headache powder and came back to give us a pack for each person. Because he didn't know how to use it, Erzhu said: "It's best to take the nose and suck it, and it won't hurt to enter the brain through the nose!" "Later, the class teacher checked the dormitory, and after pushing open the door, he was stunned....

11. I studied in college and rarely went home because I was far from home. When I came home last week, my mother took out a piece of meat and said, "Make braised pork for you to eat today." I was very happy and said excitedly, "Mom, I washed and cut the meat." "The moment I picked up the meat, I was not calm, and I found that there were a few white bugs on the meat. I was so frightened that I immediately threw away the meat, and then shouted, "Mom, the meat is broken, and the long worms can't eat it." My mother looked unfazed: "What are you afraid of, how much can it eat when it is so small?" How old are you, and what are you talking about with it? ”"

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