1. On the train, the man is alone in the soft bed, and a woman pushes the door in and inserts the door. Open your chest, scratch your hair and say: Give 5,000 yuan, otherwise shout that you are flirting with me. The man was stunned for a moment and took it from his bag

1. On the train, the man is alone in the soft bed, and a woman pushes the door in and inserts the door. Open your chest, scratch your hair and say: Give 5,000 yuan, otherwise shout that you are flirting with me. The man was stunned for a moment, took out a pen and paper from his bag and wrote: I am deaf and mute, what do you want to do? The woman took the pen and wrote down what she had just said on the paper. The man smiled and closed the note to open the door: You can go out.

2. Last night, I disagreed with my wife because of the purchase of a new house. She wanted to buy it in Lujiazui, and I wanted to buy it in Tomson, so she had a fight with my wife. My wife slammed the door and went out, I was afraid that something would happen to her, so I hurried out to find her. Just after rushing downstairs for 10 steps, I heard the sound of the door being locked. I suddenly reacted, and my wife went upstairs. In this way, I did not have a key, and I was locked outside by my wife.?

3. As a manager in a state-owned enterprise, the chairman was afraid that I was too tired and found me a female assistant. During the break at noon today, I saw the female assistant wiping the lunch box with toilet paper. I wanted to tease her and said to her: How dirty is it for you to wipe your lunch box with toilet paper, and how good it is to boil it with boiling water. The female assistant looked at me with disgust, and then said: Why do you use toilet paper after you go to the toilet, why don't you take boiling water to burn it?

4. Just received a text message: Please send money to xxx account... I was going to make a fool of myself, and I replied: You can do as much as you want, as long as my son is okay. At noon, the crook replied to me: Brother, I am a liar! Your son is not in my hands, so look for your son! Ho, the liar conscience found? Officially announced, broke up, proposed, married, had children, domestic violence, cheated, forgave, reunited, divorced, remarried, lived and died, divided and merged... This year seems to be the epitome of life...

5. After work, the little uncle drove his own Xuan Ang home. Halfway through, he suddenly felt dizzy and drove to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, a blood pressure test of 240 was measured, and the doctor stared at the surprise and asked: How did you come? The little uncle looked at him blankly and said: I came by car. The doctor slowly gave the little uncle a thumbs up, and then shouted: Fast into the rescue room! Therefore, the little uncle was the first person in this hospital to enter the rescue room by himself.?

6, the girlfriend had a difficult birth when she gave birth, and finally successfully gave birth to the child, and the girlfriend was fine. After my girlfriend raised her body, she invited me to the barbecue stall to drink on skewers. After eating and drinking enough to prepare for the checkout, he was told that he had been settled at the next table. I looked at it curiously, it was a strange little handsome guy, I was excited at the time, the single life was finally coming to an end. I blushed and greeted, "Hello, handsome man, thank you for checking out for me." The handsome man glanced at me: "Don't misunderstand, it's not you, I'm paying the bill for the beautiful girl behind you!" ”

7. One of my brothers liked a sister at school, and on this day he finally held flowers and confessed to her in front of the whole class. The girl shyly asked: Why do you like me? He said: Although you are not the most beautiful, your temper is not very good, your grades are not very good, and you are not very conspicuous in school, as soon as I see you, I have an inexplicable feeling, I think this is... That's why you're blind, isn't it? The girl smashed the flower on him and turned around and left.

8. When I was in school in my hometown, I liked to eat snacks very much, and every day I would steal the money of my parents to buy food in the small supermarket in front of the school. That time, when I was picking a smaller denomination, my mother came in. I blurted out: I took it myself, not my father who asked me to take it to buy cigarettes! I was so witty, my mother wiped my head and didn't beat me. It's just that I don't sleep well at night, but not guilt, it's too noisy in my parents' room!

9, last night Dad called a few uncles out to drink, drank until this morning came back, I sat on the couch watching TV, Dad sat down and said to me: "My dear daughter, help your father and emperor to pour a cup of water." Only a wail was heard, and Dad fell to the ground in response. I sighed deeply, alas... Mom sneaked out like an arrow on a TUO string, and a side kicked and kicked my dad: "SI old man, drink some cat urine and run to beat the pig in the pigsty, the pigs are all beaten off by you, have the ability to beat our girlfriend, she is okay to lose her fat, and she doesn't have to go out of the bar!" "I..."

10. In my hometown, there is a goddess who looks at the frightened son, and she is quite accurate in the village, so I have believed in these superstitions since I was a child. Because of the huge social, economic pressure, and work pressure, I spent all day in front of the Buddha statue with a sad face and bowed down in good faith. When the Buddha statue was found, he asked, "Why have you been frowning?" I said: I bought a house in Tomson Yipin, and I have 10 million mortgages that have not been repaid! So the Buddha raised a finger, and I had an extra aura on my head. I asked the idols, "Are you watching me suffer and make me an angel?" The Buddha statue said: You think too much, this ring is called "giant energy return"!

11. After work, my mother dragged me to the supermarket to shop and said that I would invite her guests. After coming out of the supermarket, I looked at the big bags of food and looked at my wallet inexplicably a little unhappy. I complained to my mother: Mom, I am not happy. My mother looked at me calmly and said: "I'm not happy, why didn't you just go to the supermarket and buy some happy fruit and come back to eat it."

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