In the world of emotions, we often pretend to be brave before falling in love, feel inappropriate and then find it again, but sometimes we rush into an emotion, but we find that we will avoid talking about many existing problems and contradictions.
On the one hand, I hope to have a happy marriage, on the other hand, I feel that there are many contradictions with each other now, but in the face of the pressure of age, I will be slightly unbearable, dare not give up the existing, and worry that the future will not find a better one.
So there are a lot of contradictions with the boyfriend, and it doesn't feel so compatible; Separation is painful and older, do you want to get married?
Bobo: "I've been with my boyfriend for two years, I used to be in Guangzhou, and now he's going to Shenzhen and comes to see me twice a month.
I'm 26 and he's 27 and I'm confused about our future and I don't know what he thinks.
Sometimes I'll hear him tell his friends that he doesn't want to get married and doesn't plan to marry me.
To be honest, when I was in love, I didn't think that this person would not marry, and it would not be appropriate to find it again.
When two people are together, there are often contradictions, he said that I have a bad temper, like to be anxious, and love to be angry; I think he's too cold and weak to help the wind, and sometimes he talks about him.
There are a lot fewer contradictions after the different places, if I have any places I want to play, he will definitely accompany me to play, and he is also very generous to me.
Now my family is also urging me to find a boyfriend, and I don't know if I should take him to meet my parents, because meeting him means getting married.
Moreover, there is still a problem between us, that is, I will not give up my current job to go to Shenzhen, and he will not be willing to give up when he has just developed there, so if we want to get married and are not in the same place, what should we do. ”
Linda: "I've been with him for a year, I work in my unit, and my monthly salary is about 5,000 or 6,000; He is in business, and when the monthly salary is high, it is 10,000 or 20,000, and when it is low, it is about 7 or 8,000, but it is unstable.
We are all rural, the family is average, he went to high school and came out to work, people are more talkative, and he has earned a lot in recent years, but he can't save money.
The family used more than 100,000 yuan to build a house, he bought a house in the city, owed more than 300,000 yuan, made more than a dozen credit cards, borrowed all the money from relatives and friends around him, and then he often ate, drank, and spent money.
Temper is not good, scolding people very fiercely, often complaining about me, thinking that I am childish, not gentle, and that I can't help him...
We have been divided many times, arguing about points, dividing each other and reluctant to reunite, he also has advantages, good times for me, I think he can do as long as he can do things, and now it is also more self-motivated.
When he broke up, he was so uncomfortable that he said sorry for me, let me down, and cried again.
Together, there are always problems. Of course, I don't give up, but rationally I can't live in such chaos, and my friends around me have advised me to divide, but I can't make up my mind. ”
Whose youth is not confused? In the face of love and marriage in the adolescent years, we will all feel confused and confused, worried about the future, and also troubled by the problems encountered now.
However, the problems we encounter now can only be solved now, and the longer it drags on and the more complicated the situation, the smaller our right to choose and change the situation will be.
There are many contradictions with your boyfriend, which means that your current relationship needs to be perfected, and now such a problem needs to be solved by you.
But many people feel that these problems make them very annoying, do not want to face it head-on, and do not know how to solve it, so they hope for the future and want to solve it after deciding whether to get married or not.
1, do not put the solution to the conflict on marriage and time
The divorce rate in some cities now exceeds 50%, which tells us that marriage is not so easy to manage, and it needs to face more responsibilities and obligations than the relationship between two people in love.
It is necessary to balance the complex interpersonal relationships in the family, to solve a realistic problem together, and to have good communication, stable emotions, and relatively good personality between husband and wife.
Therefore, when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, everyone should carefully consider and never marry for the "possibility".
You know, if you're unhappy with your current Ta, you can expect him to change after marriage, but it's going in a bad direction rather than a good one!
If there are problems or contradictions between you now, don't pin the solution to the problem on marriage and time.
Being able to solve it as soon as possible and not solving it may mean that the other person's values, character, communication style/skills and personal habits are very different from yours.
If you are unhappy when you are single, and when you are in love, you have a lot of troubles, problems, frequent quarrels, and tantrums, then you are likely to be married or unhappy.
Marriage cannot solve personal, psychological, or emotional problems. If there are any effects, marriage can only amplify existing problems.
If you're not happy with yourself and your life now, take responsibility for addressing those issues when you're single. You'll feel better, and your future partner will thank you.
2, do you see his character clearly, or blindly fall into it
"Accidentally I fell in love" and "We fell in love at first sight" This situation may make you feel that you seem to be destined for heaven, very romantic, and fateful, when in fact it often represents "I fell into desire".
In particular, some girls who fall in love for the first time, or have sex for the first time, or fall in love quickly after falling out of love, tend to be overly dependent on men, do not understand his true character, and fall into it with unrealistic fantasies.
In the early stage of love, in order to attract each other, people may show more of their excellent and beautiful considerate and generous side, when with the time spent together, the relationship between the two people is determined, many people unconsciously expose their own nature.
Whether two people are happy in love and marriage is often related to the personality, values, emotional intelligence, etc. of two people, how to see whether a person is worthy of love, we need to understand his character in many ways.
Whether this person can be believed, how he is surrounded, what people who know him have to say about him, and whether these evaluations are consistent with your evaluation of him;
Whether this person is a kind-hearted, upright and just person, how he treats other people, especially waiters, the elderly, parents, brothers and sisters, how to deal with friends, colleagues, leaders, this often reflects a person's values and understanding of human nature;
Does this person have a sense of responsibility, and if he says he is going to do something, can I really believe that he will fulfill it? Does this person like himself? Does he enjoy life? Is he emotionally stable?
Ask yourself: Do I want to imagine this person being the same? Do I want to have children with such a person? If I had children, I don't want my children to grow up like this...
If you and your boyfriend get along with a lot of contradictions, what is the essence of these contradictions, what can be solved, and if not, what is the cause.
The more you think about these issues, the better you can see your relationship and evaluate each other better, rather than falling into love and losing your mind.
3) Do you have the basis for a long-term and stable relationship between you?
Wise women are women who are good at thinking and reflecting, and they will also invest appropriately in love and treat each other sincerely, but they will often reflect on their own behaviors, thoughts and feelings, and will evaluate whether two people are suitable.
However, some women lack this thinking and rush into it in the face of attractive people.
In life, we will see that some women who do not have the ability to live abroad like to find foreign boyfriends.
However, many foreigners only make a short stay in China and do not really think about staying in China, so after a year and a half of talking, they are abandoned or cheated of money.
Establishing a stable relationship between two people requires three basic conditions:
First, attract and fit each other;
Second, have common interests/hobbies;
Third, have the same/similar life goals.
You can think about these three aspects to see if you can really go on for a long time:
Before getting married, gain a deep understanding of each other's life goals.
After marriage, two people either grow into one or grow into something separate.
To avoid "going your separate ways", you need to recognize what you "live for" when you're still single, and then look for the guy who concludes similarly to what you get, which is what "soul mate" really means.
4, with him can you feel at ease, can you be yourself
Ask yourself the following question: Do I feel calm and relaxed around this person? Can I completely relax in front of him and be myself? Does this person make me feel good?
If you have a very close friend who can make you feel the same way, then be sure to find a partner who can give you the same feeling!
Are you afraid of any aspect of Ta? If you're afraid to be open and honest with him or her opinions, there's a problem in the relationship.
The most likely problem in intimate relationships is control.
Faced with a different opinion from your partner, will you convince him to do what you think and ask; Would you ask him that he should do that and shouldn't do that.
There is a big difference between control and advice:
The advice is generally well-intentioned, "Yesterday you spoke a little rushed" or "Talking like this will offend people";
Control generally comes with additional conditions, "If you dare to talk like that again, I will beat, pinch, or dislike, ignore you" and so on.
Take a good look at your interactions, and find that many of the conflicts and conflicts between you are caused by your desire to control him or he wants to control you.
Marriage Emotional Counseling Conclusion:
In the relationship between two people in marriage and love, any problems should be discussed.
In life, difficult times and problems are inevitable, and in the face of problems between two people, although some topics are unpleasant, these topics are the only conditions that can measure whether you can communicate well, give in and work together.
Before you make a marriage commitment, you need to know whether the two of you can seek common ground through small differences, work together to solve difficulties, and have the ability to solve this problem.
If your relationship is full of contradictions, disputes, and injuries, please choose marriage carefully, and you can seek the help of a professional counselor in time to deal with these problems.