People often ask how to keep a marriage lasting.
I think it is nothing more than four words: husband and wife!
Because in marriage, there are too many factors that affect the feelings of husband and wife, from money, external temptations, family intervention, to the details of life, there may be a rift in the marriage, if the husband and wife can not have a heart, jointly resist these tests, the marriage is likely to enter a dead end, and finally end in divorce.
Especially the intervention of family members, most of them will cause a fatal blow to the marriage, if you have such a family in your marriage, you are extremely harsh on your wife, your parents are not happy, your brothers and sisters are disrespectful, and your relatives are disrespectful, how will you deal with it, will you let them bully? Or will it take care of her?
In the movie "Zhiming and Spring Bridge", Haruhashi said to Zhiming: "Don't let me worry about it all day, I don't want to be the one who was abandoned." I just want to be a little woman and want to have someone to protect me when things get into trouble. ”
There is a kind of marriage breakdown, no domestic violence, no cheating, but it will make the woman colder and colder day by day, until one day, after saving all the cold, she will quietly leave, this kind of cold, that is, the husband's cold eyes when his wife is bullied.
Lin Zhi's wife, Xu Ying, was treated coldly at her in-laws' house for five years, and Lin Zhi also stood by until two days ago, when a bowl of noodles completely triggered Xu Ying's hidden anger.
The cause is that the daughter mistakenly ate a bowl of chicken leg noodles that the mother-in-law originally cooked for the nephew, and the grandmother scolded the daughter for not teaching the money-losing goods, the reincarnation of the hungry ghost, and so on, Xu Ying couldn't bear it, and quarreled with the mother-in-law:
"The chicken is made by me, the noodles are bought by me, if you want to say that the hungry ghost reincarnates, how can it be compared to your vampire like a locust, the old lady is not waiting"
01
Lin Zhi is a phoenix man who properly jumped out of the farm through reading and finally set up camp in the city after many years of struggle, and is also the best mixed in the whole family.
Although looking at the scenery, in fact, Lin Zhi has been helping the original family in recent years, building a house for the family, for his sister to go to school, and even the bride price for his brother's marriage, it is Lin Zhi's birth, so Lin Zhi's life is not as beautiful as his parents see.
In the eyes of Lin Zhi's parents, probably only Phoenix can be worthy of their excellent son, but he has married a rural daughter-in-law with mediocre appearance and ordinary work.
For this daughter-in-law, Lin Zhi's parents are very disdainful, no matter how much his wife is courteous to them, Lin Zhi's parents do not have a good face for her.
In fact, although his wife Xu Ying is a rural person, the conditions of her family are not bad, because she is the only daughter in the family, her parents have a small workshop in the local area, and her parents' education and cultivation of her is not worse than any girl in the city.
When Lin Zhi first married Xu Ying, he also had a little selfishness, Xu Ying was an only daughter, there was no family burden, unlike him, there were parents and younger siblings behind him, although his usual salary was not low, but throughout the year, he also had to cut down on food and clothing, and he could barely shoulder the burden of the whole family.
There is also a point that Xu Ying does not have the squeamishness of the girls in the city, she will do anything, unlike other girls who make a meal and say that their hands are thick, wash their clothes and say that they are tired, and when they return to their in-laws' house, they will only sit and wait to eat and drink, let them make a meal and wash a dish, and they feel that the in-laws have treated them badly.
Xu Ying in the in-laws' home has never been pretentious, every year the Spring Festival home, Xu Ying will buy a variety of New Year goods and vegetables and fruits needed for the Spring Festival in advance, her parents let her wash and brush for hygiene, she also never complained, put down things to dry up.
For five years, in order to get the affirmation of his parents, the annual Chinese New Year's Eve meal was prepared by Xu Ying alone, and the guests at home have always been Busy with Xu Ying.
Others praise Lin Zhi's mother for being blessed, there is such a good daughter-in-law, Lin Zhi's mother said: Marrying our family Lin Zhi is a blessing she cultivated in her previous life, what is wrong with her doing some work, as far as she is concerned, in addition to our family Lin Zhi, who else can look up, or a kind of life and loss of money, she is not diligent and fast, do you still want to be a young grandmother, let me serve her unsuccessfully.
Because of the birth of a daughter, Xu Ying became more and more unwelcome in this family, and even her daughter was disliked by her grandparents.
Two days ago, Xu Ying bought a lot of chicken and duck meat and came back, and her daughter said that she wanted to eat chicken legs, so Xu Ying got up at dawn in the morning and put the chicken soup on the pot, and then continued to go back to the room to sleep.
02
After a while the daughter said that she was hungry and wanted to eat chicken legs, Xu Ying got up and saw that there was a bowl of noodles on the table, probably made by the mother-in-law for the nephew, but the nephew had not yet gotten up, the daughter had been shouting hunger, Xu Ying let the daughter eat first, she went to the next bowl to the nephew, she wanted to go to the pot to clip a chicken leg for the daughter, but fished around, but found that the chicken had been torn apart by the mother-in-law, Xu Ying could only give up.
Unexpectedly, after a while, the living room heard the scolding of the mother-in-law and the crying of the daughter: Are you a hungry ghost reincarnated? So anxious to eat, don't know if this is noodles for my brother? How can two chicken legs not eat you to death, you are a money-losing commodity without a mother, just like your mother, you will only take advantage.....
Xu Ying came out to see, there were two chicken legs under the daughter's noodles, one of which had been half eaten by the daughter, in an instant, Xu Ying understood everything, the nephew was the heart meat of the grandmother, and her daughter was the thorn in the grandmother's eye, and she was not even qualified to eat a chicken leg.
At this time, the younger brother's yin and yang who heard the sound became strange:
I said how my brother is so thin, it turns out that you usually treat my brother like this, good things are hidden and eaten by your mother and daughter, my brother's money has also been ruined by you, no wonder I asked him to give me twenty thousand can not take out, before my brother has been responsive to our needs, since marrying you, even tens of thousands of dollars can not be taken out, my brother married you are really unlucky.
Xu Ying's original eccentricity towards her mother-in-law was a stomach angry, at this moment by the little uncle said, is not angry, so many years, Lin Zhi has been subsidizing his native family, when they are in love, she has not spent a penny of Lin Zhi, the family house is still she and the mother's family borrowed money to buy, since the birth of the child, the family's expenses increased instantly, plus mortgage and car loan, relying on Xu Ying's salary alone can not be maintained at all, so Lin Zhi's subsidies to the original family in the past two years are less.
In this family, I also do cattle and horses every year, every time I come back to a big bag, contract all the affairs of the family, the mother-in-law not only never gave her a good look, even for her daughter is extremely harsh, but for the nephew, as the tip of the heart of the Treasure pain, the sister-in-law every time she comes home with only one mouth, the mother-in-law has never had half a complaint, it turned out to be all looking at her weak and deceitful.
03
Lin Zhi also heard the noise at this time and rushed over, and reprimanded his daughter: "Pretty why are you so selfish, two chicken legs are eaten alone, don't you know to let some brothers."
Xu Ying looked at the daughter who had been wronged but did not dare to squeak, her heart was like a knife, and what made her heart cold even more was her husband's attitude, over the past few years, she and her daughter had suffered a blank stare in this family, watching his unreasonable family bully his wife and daughter, he never had any protection for them, but stood with his family again and again and reprimanded them.
I thought lin zhi's parents didn't like themselves, they were more tolerant and accommodating, more diligent, sooner or later they could warm their hearts, but they didn't expect that they were getting more and more inching, and the in-laws pointed at her, even the little uncle and the little sister-in-law were extremely disrespectful to her, often with thorns in their words, this time, Xu Ying no longer wanted to endure, and directly looked at the in-laws with cold eyes:
"Chicken is made by me, noodles are bought by me, to say that the hungry ghost reincarnated, how to compare with you like a locust vampire, eat a chicken leg my daughter can digest, you digest badly, that pot of chicken don't eat you to death, the old lady will not wait in the future"
After saying that, he turned to look at Lin Zhi and said coldly, "You will live with your family in the future", leaving this sentence, Xu Yingtou left with her daughter without looking back.
After his wife and daughter left, Lin Zhi overheard his mother say to his brother: That woman is gone, after your brother earns money to you and my grandson, it will not be cheaper for that money-losing goods, your brother this white-eyed wolf, thanks to me for his schooling, now all the money he earns is spent on an outsider, think about me, I am angry, I have to drive those two women out of the Lin family. ”
Lin Zhi listened to his mother's almost desperate words, thinking about the oppression of his parents and what he had done to his wife and daughter in the past five years, and every time he encountered the problems of his parents and brother, he would have a fierce quarrel with Xu Ying.
At this moment, he suddenly realized that in marriage, the most cruel stirring sticks are all close relatives; and the most ruthless family members are people like him, who have always looked at the bullied wives and daughters.
04
If you really love your family, you will definitely look forward to your family's happiness and anger, and you will never provoke your marriage and do everything possible to break up your home.
Marriage needs the joint protection of both husband and wife, when you become a husband, a father, it means that you and the original family have erected a dividing line, you have to put more responsibility on maintaining your small family, for your wife and children to build a safe harbor.
Wu Guijun said in "Like a Person": "May you meet a mature lover, may you be less hurt when you are obsessed, and may you catch up when you wake up." ”
I hope that in marriage, the confused husbands who are still unclear in the boundaries and have been watching their wives and children being excluded and bullied by their families can also wake up early and not always blindly protect unreasonable parents and brothers.
You are the most important bond between your wife and family, your attitude determines whether your wife and children are respected by your parents and sisters, and most importantly, you are a relative of the original family, for your wife and children, you are also their most important family and relatives, they also need your protection and love.