The relationship between husband and wife is more important than the parent-child relationship
If asked, "Which do you think is more important, spouse or children?" ”
I think countless couples or married people will answer "Aren't two children's lives?"
Such a response, I think you must be familiar with, because this belongs to the thinking of most married people, it seems that the two families in the later stages into affection is a tacit mode, indifference and ignorance have become inevitable, and children have become the only center and purpose of the two people. But in fact, the harmonious family atmosphere of the husband and wife's affection is the best love for the child.
Because children will feel warm from the relationship with their parents, enlightenment to love and be loved. This is the ability to love, a skill that is difficult to learn in the process of future growth, it is a kind of induction, it is a kind of ear contact, and it is also a kind of emotional intelligence and temper nourished by warmth.
Teacher Wu Zhihong also said in the interview program: "The relationship between husband and wife should be more important than the parent-child relationship, and the husband and wife relationship is the needle of the sea god in the family." ”
So the best education, the best gift to the child is the husband and wife love each other, too many parents are the sentence "the future mother (father) is counting on you" to give the emotions that should have been a marriage relationship, pinned on the child, so that the spiritual sustenance, personal role to give more care and coddling.
The bondage of each other's fate between husband and wife has long been impossible to exist independently, the warmth of a single child is like leaning on the end of the scale, the husband and wife put their energy and attention on each other, which can make us less lost and resentful, will not transfer their missing feelings to the child, but also be able to exercise the independent thinking of the children from an early age, rather than self-centered in everything, they are the king of the family.
After marriage, you and I should understand that the relationship between husband and wife is more important than the parent-child relationship, because in this way, you will not let your life regret and make your child's future full of hidden dangers.
A little ritualistic little romance can dissipate thousands of obscure grievances
Compared with those celebrity couples who cheated and committed domestic violence, Liu Jialing and Liang Chaowei are the loving couples who have not yet fallen off the altar in front of the screen, and have always been a model of marriage in the entertainment industry, and they have been married for many years and are still in love as before. When Liu Jialing was asked how to maintain a good relationship in marriage in "Women Have Something to Say", she frankly said that it was because of the sense of ceremony in her marriage with Liang Chaowei.
The two have been married for ten years, and every Valentine's Day, Liang Chaowei does not forget to send her a bouquet of flowers; even if the two have an argument in life, Liang Chaowei will personally hand-write an apology card to Liu Jialing afterwards. Liu Jialing said bluntly: "A lot of memories are made by yourself, such as your anniversary and Valentine's Day, how can you not collect flowers?" ”
Marriage is full of the trivialities of a chicken feather, the reality of chai rice oil and salt, which we cannot deny and irreversible, but although the essence of marriage is hard, the ultimate pain is the inner harm caused by people's ignorance and indifference.
The root of the husband and wife to resist temptation, relieve worries and contradictions lies in the beauty between two people, and the so-called good, rooted marriage relationship relies on the good memories between the bits, but the most direct and simple way to create these beautiful things is the sense of ceremony.
Those so-called old husbands and wives unnecessary words, rather than pragmatic, but selfish, with "their own people" will ignore each other's feelings and needs, in fact, to put it bluntly, it is just miserliness + laziness.
A tired life, a little bit of grievance, and an occasional sense of ceremony can finally rekindle hope in the belief that the other party is almost extinguished in despair. Sometimes the gap between marriage and marriage is so large that I dare not say it is all, but most unfortunate relationships lack basic ritual and romance.
When each other indulges in their own loss and hurt, they eventually live in a widowed marriage early.
Instead of trying to change the other person, it is better to influence the other party through yourself
As the saying goes: "The country is easy to change, but the nature is difficult to move." ”
The biggest mistake and failure between husband and wife is to try to change each other in their own way. A person's living habits and patterns, derived from the original ecological family for twenty or thirty years or even 40 years of hearing, whether you think it is good or bad, right or wrong, it has become a part of his body, accustomed to such a life, has become the default program in his own instinctive system.
Therefore, when you grow up, if you want to suddenly change a person, it is tantamount to knowing people and dreaming. And people instinctively have a rebellious psychology, the more you force him, the more he is full of counterattack emotions.
But don't forget that another trait of people is that they are easy to be "assimilated", so when you are not so hard about how to force changes all day long, it is better to subtly influence the behavior of the person, such as letting the other party do something for themselves, or interacting with themselves, maybe the other party is not willing at first, but slowly it will become part of the habit, of course, if you have the ability to make it feel happy, then you will get the final jackpot.
Someone once said, "Changing oneself is God, and changing others is neurosis." ”
Therefore, let yourself take the initiative to lead to slowly infect the other party, let it inject new ideas and habits, far more valuable and effective than tit-for-tat or even thunderous.
Good marriages are conditional, there is no good for no reason, and there is no evil for no reason
Why should we get married? We do not marry simply to perpetuate incense for humanity, or to have a physical need. The most fundamental thing is to feel that that person can bring a good life to himself, which is the expectation of happiness, which forms our bet on marriage.
But often we only see the final result state of those happy marriages, but we do not realize the cost and sacrifice that others pay for marriage. Parents raise children, there is a concept of raising children and preventing old age, why let an unrelated person be good to himself without conditions?
All the good have innate conditions, but also have equivalent exchanges, but many couples only see the lack of their roles, but can not see each other's inner regrets, the reason why good marriages are evenly matched, hello I am not bad, the key is that we have the ability to pay each other, support each other, to give each other's needs, to meet each other's hope that we can achieve the help, unilateral sacrifice, will only be said to be parasites, such a relationship is doomed to be lack of respect, it is difficult to achieve their own expectations of happiness.
And if you want the marriage relationship to be stable and long-lasting, it is not that you tie the other person's stomach or simply control the wallet, but to create your own value that cannot be easily replaced.