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『Cheng Yi's Spiritual Clinic」
Dr. Cheng's Great Spiritual Health Care
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Vol.79
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@Hug
After a month or so with our boyfriend, we became less and less communicative.
I've had a fight before, and the argument was fierce.
We don't have a dependency anymore, and I don't depend on him, either emotionally or financially.
I can take care of myself.
He's now an intern and I'm still studying.
I want to be motivated, good to me, and profitable, but he doesn't stick to it either.
I think it's okay to find someone better than him.
And our hometown is not in the same place, and I will certainly not marry him in the future.
But I think I should be responsible for this relationship.
And the people around me are talking, I am lonely, and apart I will also lose someone who can accompany me.
What should I do? Do you want to break up?
Cheng Yi answered
Your current psychology can be summed up in one sentence, that is, it is better to have than nothing.
Although there is no longer any love between you and your boyfriend, whether it is emotion or money, you are not dependent on him.
Even after thinking about it, I will never marry him.
You see you said so much dissatisfaction, but you still don't want to break up with him.
For one reason: you haven't found a new partner.
In fact, this practice of yours is not good for yourself and your boyfriend.
Two people have no feelings, but they still have to constantly consume each other's remaining good feelings, in fact, it is also a kind of harm to this relationship.
Wouldn't it be better to leave with dignity than for the two of you to tear your faces red in the face to the end?
It is true that love needs to be responsible, but your current performance is not responsible.
Zero communication, zero communication, couples with false names.
It is not that there is a love object around, and someone is not alone.
Loneliness is a state of mind, when your emotions are not satisfied, even if there are more people around you, you will still feel lost.
I suggest you sort out your relationship with your boyfriend first.
Then it's about learning how to run yourself.
Whether it's cultivating some hobbies or going out on a trip.
Find a way to make your emotional sustenance, rather than pressing all your spiritual needs on the object.
Another point, don't follow the crowd.
Whether the people around you are in love, who you talk to, and how many relationships you have talked about have nothing to do with you.
This is your own life, and you need to go through it yourself.
It is enough for you to remember this.
@ Slow half-beat
We met on TikTok, and it has been more than three months since we established the relationship, and he spent nearly 3w on me.
But no car, no house.
At that time, the original words were to buy a car and buy a house before October, and it is still a variety of excuses to delay it.
I wanted to break up, but I was a little reluctant.
I'm 94 and I'm a doctor.
After graduation, I have only been looking for a partner until now, and I am not young enough to be delayed.
But I'm not happy with him, do I want to break up?
If you are not happy with him, it is enough to answer all the questions.
If you are not happy with a person, then there is no need for the relationship to continue.
Through your description, it is obvious that you two have different plans for the future.
He is still more of a playful state, not considering getting married, buying a car and buying a house, which involves financial burdens.
And you want to meet the right person at the right time and then develop step by step.
In general, men are more concerned about the commitments they make.
If he dragged on and on, it would only prove that he had never thought of fulfilling this promise from the beginning.
Now it's clear that you're not happy with him.
And he keeps drawing you big cakes, and the future development of feelings is also illusory and ethereal.
Then there's no need to waste time on him.
You yourself said that you are not too young to delay.
What is most needed now is a steady partner, not a man who draws bread all day.
When it comes to painting cakes, in fact, two words can be summarized, that is, perfunctory.
Some people can run all over the mall because of their girlfriend and buy what she likes;
Some people watched their girlfriends come to the aunt and rolled around in pain all over the bed without a word, and continued to play games.
So there is really no need to dwell on this kind of thing.
If you already think that the other person is not the one who can accompany you to the end.
So why waste time on this matter?
@Orange Chen
Some time ago, I spent more than ten thousand in debt to apply for courses.
When my boyfriend saw it, he said it to me in an accusatory tone.
Later I asked him why, and he felt that he had been hurting himself with me.
And he was always tolerant of me, and even felt that he couldn't afford the relationship.
But I think two people are independent.
He always said that we are a community and that we are inseparable.
I made it clear that what I needed was support and the rest I could work on myself.
But I felt that he still hated me for doing things without considering him.
In what state should a couple exist in order to be healthy?
What is the most correct mode of getting along between couples?
This is inconclusive.
Because there are thousands of people, everyone's personality experience is different, so there is no standard template.
But if you ask what kind of state is the healthiest between couples? There is a more objective criterion for this.
In a word, that is:
Both men have grown in the relationship and have not consumed each other.
Good feelings will make people positive, healthy, and love life more.
Because people who walk with double love will definitely get more support and comfort than others, which is of great benefit to physical and mental health.
You apply for courses to enrich yourself, to get a self-improvement, which is the right starting point.
The boyfriend's reaction is thrilling because he feels like he doesn't have any sense of involvement in the process of making your decision.
And the two of you disagree on how you think about a lot of things.
For example, if you think that two people are independent, even if they are in love, they should maintain a certain sense of distance.
But he feels that you are a community.
To put it bluntly, he needs to be involved in every aspect of your life.
In this case, I suggest that you can discuss it with your boyfriend a little before making a decision later, even if it is to give him a preventive injection in advance.
Don't just throw the results in front of him and make him feel like he's derailed from your life.
Of course, through your description, I don't think you're a controlled girl.
I appreciate your independent personality.
But in love, it is indispensable to understand each other and tolerate each other.
You can tell him about your recent plans, or something you want to do.
And tell him you need his support, not him making decisions for you.
I hope that the two of you can get better positive growth through continuous communication and understanding.
In fact, couples are both individuals and communities.
You can talk about everything, but you also need private space.
This issue ends here