Do you want to tell your partner about the history of love before marriage? The 2 people who came over spoke the truth

Author/Child

Two days ago, chatting with a boy friend I knew, it can be said that I saw that people have unconscious double-standard emotions in many cases.

He talked about a girlfriend, and the two of them have logically reached the stage of talking about marriage, and the girl has been urging him to prepare for some matters of marriage, but he has some hesitation in his heart, so he did not put it into action. He didn't tell the girl what he really thought.

I asked him why he kept pushing back on getting married, and he told me this: I also feel that she is good, not to make trouble, reasonable, but I always have a little mind about her past.

Ask again, it turned out that he minded that the girl had been in 4 relationships before him. He thinks the relationship experience is a bit much, and she loves someone else deeply. I was surprised to hear it, both of them are 32 years old, this age and not to mention 4 relationships is not much, if some people count the first love in middle and high school, and then he has 5 relationships, plus his previous concept of love has always been: as long as the two people are living well now and in the future, they don't care about the girl's past.

I told him that you used to say that your ex had few relationship experiences, wasn't sensible enough, and wasn't emotionally stable enough, so you ended up parting. Now that this mature and sensible person is very emotionally stable, you have begun to think that she has a lot of love experience and a gap in her heart, are you not purely adding to the blockage in your heart?

To put it bluntly, he is a double standard.

In the end, he himself admitted that he had some double standards, and he did think that the girl's past was not important, but when he really met, he found that he still couldn't get over that hurdle in his heart.

When I said this, I couldn't help but think of the question that another girl and I discussed some time ago: Do you want to tell the other half about the history of love before marriage?

My advice is: sure, you can tell, but just say it roughly, and don't go too far into detail.

I think that when two people are ready to enter an intimate relationship, they can properly discuss each other's previous feelings, which to a certain extent, can make both people more aware of their respective views of love, see the general direction, and help future interactions, but really can't say too much, saying more is to bury the pit for two people to get along in the future.

The above example of a boy is the best proof. Although he has his own theory and three views, it is really not everyone who can rationally go first when they actually encounter some things, and many times in people's lives, subconscious reactions are often the most real psychology. Never overestimate human nature. Girls actually know that boys have too many love experiences, the same reason.

Think of another thing.

Before, I knew a girl, she was the kind of person who was more honest, said whatever she wanted, never hid it, including when she was in love, and the joys and sorrows could be said to be basically written on her face. Later, after she broke up with her ex, she met a boy again. At a casual dinner, the boy asked how many relationships she had talked about, and she said a paragraph, which was enough to say so, and there was really no need to refine it.

As a result, she said too much at once, because of her ex, and finally hurt her very deeply, roughly speaking, she was rushing to get married, treating each other very well, and also compromised a lot of things, I didn't expect that the boy secretly disliked her family conditions, this side did not share with her, that side quietly went on a blind date, and by the time she found everything, the boy and the girl were already close together.

In the end, it's completely seamless.

She didn't hold back at once, and she told these experiences. She thought it was nothing, it wasn't her fault, she treated her feelings well with a sincere heart, it was the interests of the other party that came first, and the heart ape finally failed her. She always thought that she was very wronged, and she couldn't get out for a while, and she didn't understand where she was wrong, so after dividing, she adjusted for almost a year before she dared to meet new people.

Before she said this, her new boyfriend was very good to her, and he also admired her, and took the initiative to pursue her. But after she finished speaking, she obviously felt that there were some subtle changes in her boyfriend's attitude, and she certainly did not say it, but in the treatment of her, she was not as good and determined as before.

Later, they still separated, and the boy said at this time that in fact, he always had a knot in his heart, because he knew her deep affection for her ex, and he always felt that she did not love herself so much, so he could not love her as carelessly as before.

Remembering the "Biography of Zhen Huan", when Zhen Huan first entered the palace to visit Zhen Huan, she roughly said such a sentence: Even ordinary couples can not be cautious to preserve love, not to mention the imperial family, the mother and the emperor are divided into kings and subjects.

Prudence, between two people, even if the relationship is intimate, you also need to pay attention, you think that you are already lovers or even husband and wife, just put your past out, think that the other party will stand in your position to think about the problem, to the relationship and hurt you, no, people most of the time or self-interested mentality, standing will also be their own position, in the intimate relationship, you say about the past, whether good or bad, in the other party sounds like a thorn in the heart.

There is really no need to elaborate, the past is over, everything about that person has nothing to do with the current person, if you ask, you say one or two sentences are good.

Everyone has their own past, especially as they get older, if they are always a blank piece of paper, it is not a purely good thing. So, respect your own past, but also respect the past of others, in the same way you don't always break the casserole and ask the end, because you know too much, it is not a good thing.

Moreover, some people always tell the current ones what they have suffered in the past, originally hoping to get some comfort, hoping that the person in front of them will not do this to themselves again, but in fact, you are showing your weakness to the other party, what kind of answer will you actually get, it is not up to your assumptions.

In this world, there may be only two people who really want you to be good and will care about you from the bottom of their hearts. Remember, don't overestimate human nature, and lovers are no exception.

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