You don't think the love brain can really change, can you? No! can! Yes!
Love brain girls are caused by the lack of love from childhood, three words and two words to let girls no longer love the brain, that is unrealistic.
We can only say today that we should try to reduce the harm of the love brain to ourselves, from prevention to prevention, and slowly improve this personality trait.
Boys basically start their careers and make money, and then go to find the women they want when they have capital. Most of the time, boys will not sacrifice their careers for love, and they are more likely to fall in love for their careers.
The economic base determines the superstructure, and the money is hard and the initiative is also more. On the other hand, women often give up their careers for love, or even give up family and friends, and become a full-time housewife dependent on men to live, at this point girls should learn from boys, first establish a career and then start a family.
And there is also a feature worth learning in male thinking, that is, informal, in love is also, grasp the big put down, look at the problem to see the essence does not care about some superficial small things, such as saying that boys did not help you open the door or pull a stool, did not care about you in time when you are sick, if these small things you have to worry about everything, it is easy to drill the horns, entangled in these small things, but the most important problem in your feelings is not the future? Whether you really care about a person, the most important point is to see if the person has planned the future with you, rather than saying that he can be considerate and gentle and love you.
The pattern is open, using male thinking to fall in love, with independent conditions and long-term vision, in order to get rid of the current sense of anxiety.
Psychologist Rogers once said: After 30 years of psychological counseling, I found a problem that almost all clients have a problem with, and they are taught to despise themselves.
People who are in love with brains are also essentially lacking in self-worth, and if a person does not have a stable sense of value, he will chase the outside light source and tend to look at the future with a depressed and pessimistic attitude.
He is like a person who is afraid of the dark and walks alone in the darkness, a little light source is everything he relies on to survive, you let him give up chasing that little light, he will be swallowed up by the darkness.
The lack of self-worth will take some important people around him as the light, he sees this person as more important than himself, all his power is used to run the external world, and the needs of others are placed above their own needs to feel safe.
Many girls say that they feel that they are not good enough, inferior to others, inferiority complex is like a shadow, dementia when they talk about love, I want to advise such girls, either don't rush to fall in love, or arm their self-confidence. Be sure to find a place where you feel valuable, even if you are not confident, force yourself to be confident, see your own strengths, and fall in love with yourself.
If you feel like you're not good enough, you can make yourself better. The affirmation of the self is slowly accumulated, and only when one's core is powerful can one dare to say that I will not lose myself for another person. Our life has too many choices, you can choose anytime and anywhere, no matter what kind of love you talk about, you must clearly know that with your value, you always have a lot of choices, and you are not afraid of leaving anyone.
Love brain sometimes wants to be deceived like, meet good men is good to say, meet bad men, how people around do not listen, I suggest that all girls develop a habit of self-awareness and self-reflection.
Especially when you are emotionally unstable, ask yourself a few questions:
Am I putting too much energy into this person?
What am I minding?
Is my pride and confidence still there, and is my strength still there?
Is my current behavior a desire for control?
Why do I have such an emotional experience now?
When I was young, I was doing things with a hot head, and I liked someone too, and when I was with a guy I had known for two months and made a vow to each other, he asked me, "Would you like to go with me, give up your current life for me, and follow me to another city to start from scratch?" ”
I would answer firmly: "Of course, I am willing to do anything for you".
But in fact I couldn't do it, I left my hometown very unsuitable, our run-in was also very difficult, soon I broke up with him, back home, I reflected on myself "is I not enough to love him, not willing to sacrifice more for him?"
No, I've made a trade-off for him.
The fundamental reason is that I have been living on two levels with my heart and have not been aware of what is really going on in my heart.
I am willing to leave home for the other party, because in my cognition, love a person should be so, should be romantic, dedicated, desperate, this is the concept of love that I have formed since I was a child, not because I love this person more, change a person I am the same, love brain woman, for any new partner, is also a love brain.
Most importantly, I hope to be cherished by him for my decisive efforts.
Going to another city to live is not what I want, being cherished is.
I believe that there are many people with higher value who are willing to wrongfully marry a not-so-good man, and the purpose is the same, they are making some trade-offs and want to exchange for more love from others. What you actually want is to be loved, not to love someone who is less valuable.
In order to be cherished, show a lot of sincerity to prove your sincerity to the other party, so that it looks silly and humble. I will regard this sense of emptiness and love as a very deep love, but in fact, it is more like treating the other party as a sustenance and hope.
Later, I came into contact with a lot of psychological knowledge, slowly grew up, and then learned to constantly ask myself questions, through the form of questions and answers, to perceive my emotions, so as to dig out my true thoughts, to figure out whether I love this person or long for personal love, this is indeed two different things.
General love brain or some avoidant attachment, in the early stage is not aware of their own symptoms, and because of the lack of in-depth communication with others, it is difficult to believe that the problem is in their own body, only when quietly reflecting on themselves, can they find themselves different from others.
No matter how much others say, it is better to open it up than to think about it.
Most emotional problems are emotional problems, including a burst of need, and they are also volatilized outward with an urgent emotion. It's basically impossible to fall in love without emotional reason, but you can try to pull the focus back to yourself and not fall into the game with the other party.
Some girls are like this, when communicating, you have to ask a question, you have to solve the emotional problem, or to prove that the other party cares about you, the more you think about it, the deeper you will fall into. And it shows that you can't accept your own negative emotions, so you have to shift your focus to the other person.
You just need to care about whether you have bad emotions or not, whether you are happy or not has nothing to do with other people, all phases are illusory, emotions are the product of subjective consciousness, you choose good emotions are happy, you choose bad emotions are unhappy, you want to say that because he is not happy, then you are denying your own choice.
Once people begin to face their emotions, they will find that those anxious emotions are not so upsetting, and once they cross the buffer line, in fact, those various urgent ideas become less necessary.
For example, you rush to class, panic thinking that the teacher will criticize, or miss what content, will be punished, etc., suddenly the bell rings, it is late, your steps will stop, anyway, it is late, the mood is relaxed, because you accept this fact, but also know what the consequences will be, you have the bottom in your heart, you choose to face it calmly.
Love is also like this, you are always guessing some established facts, such as whether he likes you or not, to whether you love you or not, this is like a bell that will ring sooner or later, you are worried that the more you fall in love with the brain, and you can't change the hearts of others, treat yourself well, accept yourself, stop internal friction.
How to talk about love, of course, to talk about it after learning, many love brain girls are less emotional experience, to put it bluntly, the boys they know are few, they think that this one they like is the world's first good man, handsome and excellent.
In fact, you put the first in the class into the grade, he is not necessarily the first, put in the whole district to see that it can be ranked in the top one hundred is not bad, and then look at the whole city, the halo effect can still have such a big effect, let you feel that he is the first in the world?
I often advise girls to contact the opposite sex with an open attitude, see the advantages of different opposite sexes, contact more, your circle will become larger, your horizons will be broadened, and you will know more and more clearly what kind of person you want, what kind of life.
Some girls like to find rich people when they are young, and only when they break up with rich people do they realize that they want more dignity and security. Without this experience, you will use money as a criterion for choosing a mate, and you may become a person who cannot be financially independent.
We gain experience in various experiences, this time the experience is not to worship gold, the next experience is not to marry far, the next experience is to learn new things, so slowly grow an independent self, and finally in the face of feelings will not be so love brain.
Maybe in this love you still can't control yourself, often make stupidity, do some things that you will regret afterwards, but it doesn't matter, you have to be brave to try, to experience, to experience more, to learn more, one day you will become indestructible, no longer love brain.
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C