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Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice: "It's sometimes a bad thing to bury feelings too deeply. If a woman hides her feelings for the man she loves, she may lose the opportunity to get him. ”
From the perspective of "pursuing love", if you do not express your inner love, it is easy to miss the opportunity to resonate with the emotions of the person you want, so it is possible to miss a love.
From the perspective of "running a marriage", not expressing good-natured advice may disguise the lover's mistakes again and again, and it is possible to lose a marriage.
Whether it is a relationship between lovers or husband and wife, it is a process that requires continuous "two-way communication and interaction". This process should be dynamic, not static.
Don't think that love can overcome everything, don't expect life to be once and for all, many times you need to express the thoughts in your heart, so as to confirm whether you are in the same heart, so as to further confirm whether love or marriage is necessary to continue.
The following reader can continue to grow up in marriage because his wife is a good expressive person, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
There are many "firsts" in life, many things are done for the first time, many roles are played for the first time, and mistakes are inevitable.
In my opinion, a person makes a mistake when he plays a certain role for the first time, and if someone around you is willing to correct your mistake and lead you to the journey, then he must be a noble person in your life, and you should cherish it.
For me, my wife is the noble person in my life.
The first time I got married, the first time I played the role of a husband, a lot of things didn't work well. Especially when dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I made the mistake of "eccentricity".
Affection often becomes a kind of "mindset", making people unconsciously think that their parents will not be wrong, as long as the parents think that someone is wrong, that person must be wrong. And the truth is often not so absolute.
After my mother lived in our house, she always quarreled with my wife and had conflicts, and she liked to file complaints, blaming my wife for all the faults. Then, like a fool, I asked my wife without saying a word. As a result, it is conceivable that I am biased against the wrong side, which will definitely endanger the relationship between husband and wife.
Fortunately, my wife is not the kind of person with an "impulsive personality", and her way of solving problems has a very strict set of logic.
Treating my mother, she did not show mercy, because my mother did not repent and did not admit her mistakes, always exported hurtful people, if we did not drive her away first, our husband and wife did not have an "effective communication" environment. She asked my mother to move to my sister's house, and after hearing my mother say, "I can go to my daughter's house, but I have the conditions", she still did not have a soft heart: "The evil mother-in-law is not worthy of bargaining!" ”
Immediately after that, she expressed her thoughts to me: "Don't rush to count me down, I just ask you, your family is colluding to bully me, do you think it is reasonable?" Aside from the lies that your mother-in-law fabricated in front of you, from your own point of view, am I sorry for you? ”
I was speechless, because usually when I counted her down, it was really based on my mother's complaint.
She went on to say, "I can understand that you are protecting your mother-in-law, after all, she is your biological mother." However, I am your wife, and although I do not have the luxury of asking you to protect me in turn, I do not want to see you blindly protect your mother-in-law. Everything must be reasonable, you have to talk about evidence, just by the words of your mother-in-law, you will speak ill of me, do you think this is reasonable? Is it impossible to lie about the mother-in-law's words? If you hurt me through her lies, can you lose a good husband? The most important thing you should do is to teach your mother-in-law to be honest and eradicate her lying, only in this way can our lives return to their true state. ”
In addition, she also said without concealment: "If you can't listen to my heartfelt words, then we will divorce and you will continue to be your filial piety and grandson." But I want to remind you that if you have the same problem in your future marriage, you can't regret it, because you don't have so much time to toss and turn. ”
Her words touched me a lot, because no one had ever said anything like that to me, and I had never questioned family affection. After listening to her, I felt that my mother did have the possibility of lying. To verify this fact, I had an in-depth conversation with my mom, who admitted to lying.
It's dangerous! If I couldn't listen to my wife's words and just blindly protected my mother, I would definitely regret losing a good wife afterwards.
This episode in the marriage made me realize that my mother did not become a good mother-in-law, and the responsibility was on me. I didn't pay attention to my wife's human strengths, nor did I pay attention to my mother's human weaknesses, but just took marriage for granted, which is not right. As my wife said, I should restore the true face of the problem, according to the real situation of the right medicine, in order to solve the problem.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The marriage problems encountered by the man are very common, and this problem is a test of the man himself, and it is also a test of the couple's feelings.
Taking responsibility for marriage is the standard for good men. Whether the man himself has made a mistake or the man's family has made a mistake, it should be borne by the man. The wife is not wrong, and she should vigorously safeguard the dignity of the wife, so that the wife can feel relieved and do not blame the past.
But sometimes, men don't have the awareness to take responsibility. As men say, the first time you get married, the first time you are someone else's husband, it is inevitable that something will go wrong.
In this case, as a wife, it is obligatory to tell the man what you know, and you should also express your love at this critical moment.
You do what you're supposed to do, and the rest is up to the man to behave. If a man knows how to reflect like the reader, takes the initiative to verify the truth of the matter, is responsible for marriage, and is willing to make up for the grievances you have suffered, he is worthy of your continued stay with him. On the other hand, if he is obsessed, can't even understand people's words, and doesn't care about your feelings, you better leave him early.