01
If you can't get family warmth and emotional sustenance in a marriage, then choosing divorce may be a kind of fulfillment. Marriage should not be a shackle for everyone, and the primary emotions of men and women in the family for marriage should be expected, have the desire to give, rather than escape, and protect themselves.
In actual married life, not only does it take capital to love someone, but it is also necessary to be loved. Every divorced woman will experience an emotional struggle and will also have a deep thought on the issue of remarriage.
If your marriage disintegrates, in the process of abandoning the marriage, it brings you a feeling of relief, like sweeping across the hazy sky, showing blue sky and white clouds, then there is really no need for this marriage to continue to persist.
Of course, life is a practice, a good marriage after all needs to be carefully managed, we will get a lot of experience and lessons in the process of running a marriage, and these experiences and lessons also spur us to constantly improve this marriage.
And the bad marriage brings us is not useless, it will take you to realize the essence of marriage, break the illusion, let your feet fall on the ground.
I do not advocate blind divorce, nor do I agree with blindly seeking perfection. If you encounter problems in your marriage, don't rush to deny them, but also look for the crux of the problem, and think about whether the problem you encounter can be solved by a replacement, or a problem that will be encountered in all marriages.
02
Every time the 41-year-old Lin Hua mentions her marriage, she will have a long sigh, she feels that her fate is not good, and she has experienced three marriages that have ended in failure.
The first marriage: "sentient drinking water" is only suitable for love, and "door to door" is applicable to marriage
Lin Hua's first husband was her college classmate and her first love. In the four years of college, this man brought her the most beautiful love, which made Lin Hua very moved.
When it came time to talk about marriage, after the parents of the two sides met, Lin Hua's parents resolutely opposed this marriage, afraid that their daughter would be wronged when she married. One is that the man's family is not satisfactory, and the two people are not right; the second is that the man's family has a younger brother and a younger sister who are studying.
But Lin Hua, who has never been in the world, finally married to love without hesitation, Lin Hua did not ask for a bride price but made up for some dowry, she thought that her "intimate" would eventually be exchanged for the man's family's sincerity to herself.
But after marriage, a place of chicken feathers made Lin Hua confused: first of all, the first husband proposed shortly after marriage that Lin Hua's dowry money should be "lent" to his in-laws, and Lin Hua borrowed it, and this money was like a stone sinking into the sea without a trace;
Next, when the two people went home for the New Year, Lin Hua thought that she would be warmly received when she arrived in their village, but what awaited her was a cold pot cold cover, a cold room where there was no way to get off;
What makes Lin Hua sad the most is that the mother-in-law has no shyness, everyone says that his son has ability, married the female doll in the city and pasted it upside down, and also pointed at Lin Hua and others to introduce: Oh, you see this baby girl, stick to my son and do not let go of my son to marry over...
Four years later, Lin Hua's first marriage disintegrated.
Second marriage: Divorce once does not mean depreciation, do not give up on yourself, and hastily choose a marriage that is not suitable for you
After experiencing a failed marriage, Lin Hua spent three years at the urging of her family to pluck up the courage to end her single life, in fact, this is not that she herself needs love and longs for marriage, but completely to prevent her parents from worrying about herself.
Because of a divorce experience, Lin Hua was always picky on the way to blind dates, which made her a little unacceptable, which has always been excellent.
In the end, Lin Hua chose a man with the same divorce experience to form a family, she and this man only got along for less than half a year, she knew that the other party was not worthy of herself, or hurriedly entered the marriage.
One is because this man approves of her, and she doesn't want to be denied by others; but because she thinks she doesn't deserve someone better, in order to fulfill her parents' wishes, as long as someone is willing to accept her.
But marriage without in-depth understanding is like burying a time bomb, and not knowing which point will ignite the cannon of marriage.
The two people were originally plain, and a year after marriage, Lin Hua gave birth to a daughter. What is unexpected is that when Lin Hua was not yet out of confinement, he actually suffered domestic violence because of an inconspicuous and trivial matter.
Afterwards, the man knelt on the ground and slapped his mouth, begging Lin Hua for forgiveness. The marriage of the two people continued, but life seemed to be pressed the cycle button, constantly repeating the scene of domestic violence and kneeling for forgiveness.
For the sake of the child, Lin Hua insisted for nearly three years, and at the moment when the child was sent to kindergarten, Lin Hua's second marriage was also declared over, but the end of this marriage took some twists and turns, but Lin Hua finally had to give up the custody of her daughter and the part she deserved.
However, with the disintegration of her marriage to her second husband, she was left with not only her daughter, but also full of scars.
The third marriage: relying on nothing is better than relying on yourself, and children are always a woman's weakness
The hardships of being a single mother are always harder than imagined. Every day very early to send the daughter to the kindergarten, and then seize the time to run to the company, in order to be able to leave work early to pick up the child, you must try to compress the working time to complete the work task of the whole day, sometimes at the end of the day even can not take care of the saliva to drink.
Lin Hua felt physically and mentally exhausted, emotionally depressed, and sometimes even couldn't help but be angry with the child, and then fell into a deep self-blame.
Living expenses are also very tight, Lin Hua began to plan the development of side business, but also with children, and there is a full-time job to do, with the only squeezed time to do side business is not effective.
At this time, Lin Hua is looking forward to entering the next marriage, she needs a shoulder to help him support the family, and her marriage is for her daughter, not for herself. Sometimes she will have such a thought about herself, and she blames herself for being unfair to the man, but life does not leave her a chance to breathe.
After living alone for two years, Lin Hua formed a family with her five-year-old daughter and third husband. This time, Lin Hua learned the lessons of the first two marriages, the man's economic conditions are slightly higher than his own, and his character is also carefully observed and considered by himself.
However, there are always accidents in life, and Lin Hua did not think of the third husband's dislike for his daughter. The man also carries an eight-year-old daughter, and there are always disputes between the two children.
Lin Hua can understand that men are partial to their own children, but the obvious favoritism between the two children makes Lin Hua's heart very uncomfortable, and the repeated discussions turn into quarrels, and the rift between the two people is generated.
Once a man said, "I understand the truth, but I just can't bear to help other men raise children." As a result, Lin Hua's third marriage came to an end.
03
In fact, a woman's ultimate destination is not only to look outward for this road, but to ask what is needed in her heart. If you can do not rely on anyone, can survive independently, and have the energy and ability to manage life with heart, without loneliness, then marriage and feelings may not be your best choice.
Because women at this time have no strong need for marriage, of course, there are quality emotions to choose from, there is no need to rush to find. Because you can completely entertain yourself and give yourself a sense of security, you are your best destination, which is the best state of a woman.
After experiencing three marriages, Lin Hua summed up an experience for female friends to refer to:
A woman's happiness has nothing to do with others, it is given by herself, even if she has experienced an unhappy marriage, do not rush to deny herself. Living for herself, loving herself, and managing herself are the confidence that women can guarantee a good life.
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