Happy marriages are always similar, unhappy marriages are different. Every seemingly sweet marriage is the result of two people operating together, marriage has a crisis is not terrible, afraid of the crisis is not aware of the crisis, even the crisis comes, but can not be treated with heart and wisdom.
In fact, the marriage crisis is lurking in the feelings of two people, and there are several kinds of marriages that are prone to crisis, and there are the following kinds, and the people who have won the war should be careful and guard against troubles.
There is no emotional basis
As the saying goes, "the foundation is firm, the house is not shaken". Some couples can't argue about how to quarrel, and some couples encounter a little conflict and go their separate ways. Marriage without feelings is like a house with no foundation, which cannot withstand too much wind and rain. A marriage with a foundation of feelings is like a house built with heart, which will not feel old in the polishing of the years, but will be more attractive.
Men should marry, and women should marry. This saying has harmed many people, Xiao Huang is one of them, he graduated from college and went to Shenzhen to work alone, after several years of hard work, from the company's small staff to the head of the company's department. All along, Xiaohuang has been the pride of her family, and the only thing that is deficient is that she is still alone in her 30s. Every year when I go back to my hometown, I will be cared for by my relatives and friends around me, "Do you see how old you are, when I was as old as you, my children were five or six years old", "My parents are not in good health, while we are still here, I will get married, let us hug my grandson", Xiao Huang is overwhelmed.
Last year, Xiao Huang finally got married under the arrangement of his parents, and he and his wife only had three sides. On the one hand, it is to fulfill the long-cherished wishes of parents; on the other hand, it is to prevaricate the tongue of others; on the other hand, it is not impossible to feel that the other party is not bad, and it is not impossible to cultivate feelings after marriage.
However, because of the short time of acquaintance, each other is not particularly well understood, after only three months of life after marriage, Xiao Huang found that the two people are fundamentally incompatible with the three views, various conflicts occur frequently, and no one is willing to give in and grievance themselves. In the end, Xiao Huang's idea of "cultivating feelings after marriage" also disappeared, and less than a year after marriage, Xiao Huang resolutely turned the marriage certificate into a divorce certificate.
Marriage without emotional basis, the husband and wife do not know each other well enough before marriage, if they lack good patience and tolerance after marriage, they are prone to contradictions, accumulate over time, and finally develop into the biggest "killer" of marriage, after all, marriage is not a simple partner to live a life.
Lack of emotional communication after marriage
XiaoBei is when her husband is in love, it is as good as a person, and they both think that each other is the most suitable partner for their lives. But did not think, soon after getting married, XiaoBei complained that her husband had changed, gentle and considerate before marriage, romantic and affectionate, after marriage, even a decoration is not as good, at least the decoration can also decorate the mood, but the husband will only work against himself.
Xiao Bei's husband also complained that she had changed, before marriage, the little bird was warm and lovely, and after marriage, she complained bitterly, and she would not be satisfied with what she did, as if she was the person sent by God to torture her.
It turned out that Xiaobei's husband suddenly felt more stressed because he was married, he did sales work, in order to earn more money, he put more time into work, socializing more, often returning late. And Xiao Bei's work is normal nine to six, just like this, most of the time, she is alone at home, sleeping at night, her husband only returns; the next morning, everyone is in a hurry to go to work. Two people can't say a few words in a day. Over time, there is almost no emotional communication between the two parties, and they can't see each other's hearts, so they complain and are uneasy about the marriage.
The bond that maintains the feelings of husband and wife is communication and communication, feelings will fade if they do not communicate for a long time, and once marriage becomes boring, it will become dangerous.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to handle
There is a Chinese proverb: "Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the whole family and peace." This shows that the intimacy of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an important factor in the happiness of the family.
Lan Lan, who has been married for two years, feels that her life after marriage is particularly unhappy, and she wants to divorce but is reluctant to her husband. They were high school alumni, and later admitted to the same university, and after graduation, they ended a 7-year love run and finally tied the knot. They should have lived a happy and satisfying life from then on, but because of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, their marriage almost hit the rocks.
Lan Lan and her mother-in-law live in the same neighborhood, and it is a luxury to want to sleep lazily on weekends, because her mother-in-law often comes uninvited, which has caused Lan Lan a sense of tension and oppression facing "surprise inspection". She talked to her husband, but he said that they should not stop their parents from caring, let alone disobey their parents' kindness, as if Lan Lan was a daughter-in-law who did not know what to do.
During Lan Lan's pregnancy and confinement, while taking care of her, the mother-in-law nagged " Your little girl is delicate now, I think when I was pregnant with my son, whoever took care of it, had to go to work to support the family with a big belly, and had to do housework before the confinement." Out of filial piety, the mother-in-law said no matter how ugly it was, Lan Lan did not calculate, just hoped to get her husband's understanding of his grievances, and her husband always used a sentence of "Mom is like that, you don't worry about her" to prevaricate her. After giving birth to the child, Lan Lan considered that the child was too small to be taken care of, so she did not go out to find a job for the time being, and the mother-in-law often gossiped to the neighbors about how difficult it was for her son to earn money, and the daughter-in-law would only spend money indiscriminately, and she was lazy and did not know how to go out to work early, and so on. When these words reach Lan Lan's ears, it is inevitable that she will get into trouble with her husband, who does not comment, but blames her for having too much heart. After two years of marriage, Lan Lan felt that she had a marriage and children, but she lost her happiness and lived a particularly screwed life.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law seems to be just a pot and pan between women, trivial and inadvertent, but in fact, it is the happiness index of women in a chicken feather. The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can easily affect the feelings of husband and wife, and even make the husband and wife turn their backs and let it go, and over time, it is easy to make the marriage fission.
The gap between husband and wife capabilities has widened
A good marriage requires common progress. If one party is progressing and the other is regressing, it will not be conducive to the harmony of family relations in the long run.
Before her friend Xiuzhi got married, she and her husband were employees of a large state-owned enterprise, and the two of them were content and happy, and their lives were very comfortable. After marriage, because he had to have children and would have to take care of and educate his children for a long time in the future, he thought twice, so he quit his nine-to-five job and started a business with several mothers for infants and women's products. After several years of tossing and turning, the business has grown, and the income has far exceeded that of the husband. Originally, the increase in family income was a particularly good thing, but Xiuzhi's husband felt unprecedented inferiority under her "strong" oppression. He began to look for all kinds of provocative questions, sometimes saying that she was overwhelmed; sometimes saying that she did not care about her family; sometimes saying that she was misbehaving.
Xiuzhi was indisputable in the various false "crimes" he gave himself, and she encouraged him to improve his business level in the company and strive for a higher level, but he questioned her and looked down on herself. She asked him to go to business management class with him, but he sneered that he didn't want to be like her and only wanted to climb the tall branches. Finally, in the midst of her husband's repeated unreasonable troubles, Xiuzhi became silent and cold.
If Xiuzhi's husband has been complaining about not thinking of making progress, not only will the gap in ability between them become wider and wider, but even the gap in thought will become wider and wider, and eventually their marriage will become fragile. Two people together, the one who progresses fast, will always get rid of the person who stands still. Because human instinct is to be able to explore life, the connotation and extension of life more.
Wenger, an American expert on marital emotions, once said: "Even the most beautiful marriage will have 200 divorce thoughts in a lifetime, and 50 urges to strangle each other." The "200 divorce thoughts, 50 impulses to strangle each other" mentioned here may be the crisis in marriage, how to get through these crises, that is the benevolent and the wise. But in any case, a happy marriage is managed by the parties concerned.