Guangzhou Listen and Speak Bar Psychological Counseling Introduction:
A female friend complained that recently because of the difference in parenting concepts, she had a big fight with her husband. I feel that my husband is stubborn in the concept of parenting, and he is not willing to read and learn.
The most unbearable thing is that whenever she is comforting the child, the husband will jump out of the various demolitions, one moment saying that she is not right, and the other saying that she is too accustomed to children and want to spoil the children.
She is more worried that if the two cannot agree for a long time, the child may take advantage of the loophole and may not listen to anyone in the end.
Similar situations exist in many families, and even in some families where elders are involved in the upbringing of their children, the contradictions are even more prominent.
Who is parenting listening to? This is indeed a difficult thing to determine, after all, raising children is to upgrade all the way to fight monsters, no one knows what problems will be encountered in front of them, and no one can pat their chests to ensure that their way is the best and most suitable for children.
However, giving children a loving, relaxed family atmosphere is much better than a family atmosphere in which husband and wife argue endlessly and attack each other and deny each other.
If couples often argue over the parenting of their children, especially if they are easy to argue and deviate from the theme, they may wish to try to jump out first, starting with improving the relationship between husband and wife, and then resolving the parenting disputes that often occur. After all, no matter what problems you encounter, as long as your family has one heart, you can always solve them. Fear is afraid that a family war will break out as soon as a problem is encountered, and the children and adults are deeply affected by it.
Moreover, in some cases, parents have different parenting views stemming from poor conjugal relationships and poor communication styles. At the same time, when there is a problem in the husband and wife alliance, for example, one party feels that the other party has snubbed him, it is easy to unconsciously create some problems to attract the attention of the other party, and the child often becomes a "tool" used to control the other party unconsciously between the husband and wife, and the child becomes the "scapegoat" of family problems.
So how can we improve this situation?
First, face up to the conflict
Conflicts between husband and wife are inevitable, and this is precisely the opportunity for husband and wife to grow together. When there is a conflict between husband and wife, it should be faced squarely, not ignored, and not avoided medical treatment because of problems. Communicate well for problems, do not ignore small problems, if you accumulate small problems into large, the difficulty of solving them in the future will be greatly improved.
If couples feel that the problem is really impossible to solve, they may wish to seek outside assistance. You can consult a marriage expert to resolve the contradictions between husband and wife through discussion and reflection. Or ask friends and family to help, so that couples have the opportunity to face problems calmly.
2. Test the relationship between the two parties
Just like a computer, after using it for a period of time, it needs to be detected and disinfected to ensure good operation. The same is true of the relationship between husband and wife, it is advisable to conduct a comprehensive and thorough test to see if the relationship between husband and wife is equal. What is it like, like mother and son, or like father and daughter, or strangers?
If in marriage, one party has always played the role of a parent, the other person has been playing the role of a child, when there are children, couples are often difficult to adapt to this new change, one party will feel that it is more difficult to take care of two people's children, the other party will feel that the other party is cold to themselves.
A good husband and wife relationship should be changed, both parties have the role of parents, there are also opportunities to act as children's wanton willfulness, and more often, it is two adults running this marriage, each other have their own space, mutual acceptance, appreciation and respect.
Third, look at each other from the front
When couples often quarrel over the issue of their children, they may as well calm down and calmly listen to the voice of the other half. You can also try to interpret the other person's behavior from a positive point of view, see the other party's good behavior and give encouragement and praise in time, rather than always picking the other party's mistakes.
When the husband takes the initiative to play with the child after returning home, he can immediately praise and thank him. Instead of feeling that just once or twice, it is not worthy of praise, and don't be sarcastic about the lack of time spent with the other party.
Fourth, deepen understanding
Each spouse prepares a piece of paper and writes down the most and least satisfied places for each other, which helps to understand each other's thoughts.
At the same time, you can also write down some expectations and expectations for each other, which is conducive to letting each other know what aspects they need to improve and make progress together.
Often thinking about the other half, talking about the happiness before marriage, and recalling the good times the two spent together are very helpful in resolving conflicts.
You can also talk about each other's expectations for the future, what expectations you have for your children, and what your expectations are for your marriage. This can not only eliminate the gap between husband and wife, but also allow couples to work together in one direction, increasing the cohesion between husband and wife.
Let's hear that psychological counseling reminds you that everyone is a young person who is a parent for the first time, and sometimes they are too anxious about their children's education. In fact, parenting can be a little more casual, after all, who of us is not stumbling all the way?
In the family, the family has a heart, harmony and beauty, high personal quality, husband and wife love, mutual tolerance, which is more important for the happiness of a family and the character development of children.