Author | Tao Ruosu
"Dear Little Kid" has a grand finale.
The life and death of Hehe touched the hearts of countless viewers.
But the most heart-wrenching thing is the mother Fang Yinuo.
In October, she conceived and gave birth to a daughter, encountered a marriage change, and became a single mother.
Taking her daughter into a new home, happiness has just begun, and she is tricked by fate.
Perhaps as a mother, we dare to admit that there is no bottom line and no upper limit of maternal love...
When hope of donation was dashed, she laid down her dignity and knelt in front of the doctor's door to plead.
Because of the selflessness of love, she even wants to selfishly decide to sacrifice another flesh and blood.
It is also the power of love, and after the small birth, she could not rest and waddled into her daughter's hospital room.
In Xiao Lu's words, you are a good mother, and you have no debt to any child.
This sentence really hits the heart of every mom.
Isn't the more we do to give more love than the feeling of indebtedness?
It's just that every mother, the way of expression is different, and the child's life is not the same.
Fang Yinuo's mother, a picky and calculating mother
Don't let go of others, and you can't let go of yourself
Yinuo's marriage has come to this day, and the mother's parenting style, there is an invisible connection.
Fang Mu's life always magnifies details, calculates mistakes, and creates anxiety.
When she hears it, her daughter will become another her.
The psychotherapist Whitaker once said that marriage is two people who have been brainwashed by their original families, repeating what they learned from their parents.
The daughter's marriage just explains this sentence.
Xiao Lu forgot to add salt to the noodles cooked by Yinuo, and Yinuo immediately threw his face.
Even if Xiao Lu wanted to take it back, He Yinuo waved his hand: No, who else can I expect?
In reality, there are many people like Yinuo.
They don't love to find fault, but they know it from a young age.
A teacher friend talked about a child in the class, too provocative.
Classmates on the board newspaper painted a flower, she will comment: the painting is too ugly.
Classmates bought a new card, and she looked disgusted: this color is not good.
Gradually, everyone alienated her, because it was too uncomfortable to be friends with her.
Isn't she uncomfortable herself?
The pencil case broke and blamed himself for being too sloppy.
A hole in the dress would also be nervous, and her mother criticized her.
My friend is a little upset with the child, and when she is picky about others, she is also picking on herself.
But no one can do it, and it is impeccable from beginning to end.
If the child persists in obsession, he will not be defeated by the problem, but will be self-defeated by the problem.
Because, the process of pursuing expectations is itself the pursuit of disappointment and anger.
Wanting our children to relax, we refuse to be picky mothers.
First of all, we must admit that the ideal expectation is not to jump to the point.
Second, to correct mistakes, say less "should" and "why not".
It's "even if... It doesn't matter either."
Only when you see the problem and know how to forgive, will the child accept himself and be accepted by others.
Xiao Lu's mother, a free-range mother
If the child is not properly educated, he may make mistakes
In "Dear Child", Li Caiping is not a bad mother-in-law, but her education is worth reflecting on.
She helped Xiao Lu with the children, and Xiao Lu's brother ran to eat and drink, smoking at his sister-in-law's house, lying on the sofa, and throwing garbage.
The whole family must take care of Yinuo and the child, but also serve him.
But Li Caiping did not see the problem, but instead relieved the child: diarrhea these days.
We think of free-range mothers as: no children.
But in fact, free-range mothers are: conniving with their children.
That is, instead of telling the child how to do it, I should do it myself.
When a child does something wrong, instead of educating him, find reasons to use as excuses.
Such a parenting concept, children are unrestrained when they are young, but when they grow up, they are easy to shirk their responsibilities and have no upbringing.
Xiao Lu's marriage came to an end, which is also the bitter fruit sown by the habitual evasion of responsibility.
There is a clip in the play where Xiao Lu smokes and listens to songs downstairs after work.
Yinuo called and asked him if he would come back for dinner?
Hearing the other end of the phone, the child cried incessantly, and he hurried to lie: he was still working overtime and would not go back.
So, he drove the car to the unit to hide quietly.
It is not that he did not expect that he should fulfill his husband's responsibilities.
Instead, when it comes to hard work, it pushes the responsibility to others.
Many parents don't realize that parenting and education are two different things.
Parenting is about love and attention.
Education, on the other hand, is through rules, consequences, and even majestically saying no, and in discipline, helps children to be sound in personality.
If these are missing, what awaits the family is a bitter lesson.
I once saw a news report that a 10-year-old boy in Sichuan province was armed with a knife against the police.
The reason was simply that the whole family came to travel, and the mother set a small hotel, and he was not satisfied.
Because the hotel was not replaced in time, the mother was almost killed.
What is even more tragic is that the child wields a knife and cuts people, and the mother does not dare to show her face out of fear.
Wu Zhihong said: In an indulgent family, the consequences of children are inability to be independent, serious inferiority, and selfishness.
If they do not have dignity in society, they will continue to torment their families.
How to make children better adapt to society, free-range mothers should be aware of 3 things.
First, if we are raised in the stock, there is no big problem, and it does not mean that the child does not need education.
Second, love is not a static physical effort, but requires the wisdom of constant thinking and making choices.
If you want correct guidance, you can't do without long-term supervision, demand, punishment, and even the correction of not being afraid of conflict.
Third, before the age of 2, the child's willfulness is nature.
After the age of 2, rules, rules, habits, and conduct are just as important as learning.
Any bad behavior must be restrained so that it does not become a bad habit.
Zhu Zhu's mother, a controlling mother
Blind obedience, there is always a day of rebellion
As soon as Zhu Zhu's mother appeared, the oppressive atmosphere came to her face.
The daughter put on lipstick and had to hide it for fear of being discovered.
And after being discovered, it is necessary to explain cautiously: it looks good.
But her mother did not listen at all, and ordered her to wipe it off immediately, and also preached: a capable girl does not need makeup.
As a mother, you can't say she doesn't love her children.
Just a controlling mother, love is based on obedience.
The book "Neglected Children" points out that controlling parents do not consider their children's needs, temperaments, and feelings. They will only ask the child according to their own expectations.
Unfortunately, the more you try to control your child, the more out of control your child tends to get out of control.
Xiao Lu gave her lipstick and sent her home, all of which made her feel pampered.
Eating street stalls, climbing over the fence of the road, and doing things that her mother wouldn't let her do made her feel the sweetness of resistance.
Those who should be the attention given by the mother, but she does not hesitate to destroy other people's families and fight for it.
In reality, how many "Zhu Zhu" call out the love of their mothers in a decisive way.
These days, a little boy in Shenzhen ran away from home in a car.
After being found by the bus driver, he contacted the child's mother, but the mother did not show up.
In the face of the police's phone call, the mother wanted to take the opportunity to teach the child: she replied: Reflect at the police station.
But the message that the child interprets is that he is not loved.
A female teacher attended the party and wore an off-the-shoulder outfit.
As a result, she was blocked by her mother at the door, scolding her like a street girl while recording.
After a while, Dad was morally humiliated in his family: those who were harassed were all dressed in revealing clothes.
In order not to be late for the party, she changed her clothes in compromise and saw her parents smile triumphantly.
That night she wrote a resignation letter, leaving behind a stable job and just wanting to live for herself.
Because, growing up, she was just a doll who obeyed orders.
Even if it becomes a flattering personality, it is still picky.
These kinds of stories are much the same, but the ending is a unified rebellion and rupture.
In fact, for the good of the child, we must think more about how to do the most appropriate.
Children are not suppliers of our sense of security and value, let alone the machines of parents' dreams.
When he suppresses his true self and desperately lives out the way his parents expect him to be, the more he loves you, the more he hurts himself.
Dong Fan's mother, a sober mother
Guided by the gaze, the fountain of happiness for children
Dong Fan's mother is a true "mother of other people's families".
After Xiao Lu's daughter fell ill, she spent less and less time with Dong Fan.
In order to defend the marriage, Dink's she decided to have children.
The mother saw through her daughter's careful thoughts and gently woke her up.
If you decide to have children, your parents unconditionally support you so you don't have to worry about it.
If you just want to compete for favors, impulsive decisions, you will pay a huge price in the future.
A few words are enough to prove that a sober mother is the guiding light for the happiness of a child's life.
It is precisely because of his mother's generosity and rationality that Dong Fan has a high emotional intelligence that surpasses that of girls of the same age.
Hearing of Yinuo's miscarriage, Xiao Lu was again reported and could not do IVF.
She can let go of her grievances and stand with Xiao Lu and face them together.
In order to save a leukemia child like Xiao Lu's daughter, she used the resources of the newspaper to interview and write reports, just to find a donor.
The more she does not care at critical times, the more she can retain her husband's heart.
The ups and downs of marriage are the hand-holding after seeing through, while the mother's upbringing is the source of happiness.
How happy is it to have a sober mom?
There is a period of the variety show "Teenager Says", and the sensible son is grateful for the 10 years of dedication of a single mother.
He wanted to use his high school time to take more care of his mother, but the mother refused in tears and told her son:
Because she loves you, Mom doesn't feel hard.
But you belong to yourself, not to me, and to take your own path well is the best care for your mother.
Where a child's obedience comes from is not kidnapping, control, or ordering, but acceptance with pleasure.
Sober parents are good at two things: not burdening their children and guiding their children to look forward.
The child's life is outside the home, and the best love is to take the pattern and watch the child leave.
The educational documentary "Mirror" has a sentence:
"I am a mirror, my face, that can reflect how faithful I am to my parents.
How similar they are, both outwardly and on the inside. ”
Parents give their children life, but they are also quietly influencing their fate.
This is an indisputable fact, and it can also be an awakening.
Only by perceiving and correcting, what we leave to our children is a precious asset.
If not, what the child learns is the inheritance of harm.
—— End ——
Author: Tao Ruosu, a SOHO mother who loves to read, psychological counselor. I firmly believe that "Dad is the pillar of the family, and Mom is the spiritual fortress of the family". Share parenting, marriage and family, and grow. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.