In marriage, have you ever found a strange phenomenon:
It is that you have obviously given a lot for this family, for your partner and children.
But in the end, instead of being grateful, they take your efforts for granted.
What's more, not only do they not appreciate your kindness, but they will also dislike and resent your efforts.
Why? Let's take a look
I watched a video online:
A couple, playing in the scenic spot.
The wife took good care of her husband, not only lovingly sorting out the collar for him, but also took out a thermos cup for him to drink.
Afraid that her husband was too tired to walk, he advised him to sit on a bench and rest.
The wife, on the other hand, ran to the convenience store and bought bread, milk, fruit, etc. for her husband.
But why is the husband not only not grateful, but also has a somber face and does not want to take care of his wife?
Let's restore their conversation:
Wife, help me tidy up the collar.
Can't you figure out this little thing yourself, how many times have I sorted it out for you?
Walking too fast, stomach filled with cool air a little pain, want to drink hot water.
Do I tell you every time, remember to bring hot water when you go out, but you don't listen, this time fortunately I brought it, what to do next time you see?
Tired and hungry, let's take a break.
You're tired as soon as you go out, so what else do you say you can do? It's good to say that I'm hungry, and I haven't walked a few steps...
If we turn this video into silent mode, we see more of the wife's full love for her husband and wholehearted dedication.
But the reality is that the husband not only does not see her efforts, but also scorns her efforts.
And all this, bad is bad in her mouth.
In fact, we all know that her heart is good, and she is also taking care of her husband's life wholeheartedly.
However, while she is paying for her family, she is constantly releasing the "malice" of language.
This kind of "malice" is either complaining, or complaining, or aggrieved, or disgusted.
Perhaps, in her opinion, it is nothing, but for intimate people, there is a fatal "lethality".
Let their eyes only see that you are complaining, that you are complaining, but that you cannot see your efforts at all.
No matter how hard you work and give more, they will not thank you in their hearts.
Because, your mouth covers up your good.
Sometimes, I feel really wronged by women who can't say good things with their mouths.
I have done a lot of things for this family, for my husband and children, but I can't leave a little good, why bother?
However, looking back, is this situation really only because the husband does not understand gratitude?
I think the reasons are manifold.
Speaking of which, I would like to share a story of the people around me:
My neighbor's aunt, a very diligent woman, often keeps the house in order.
Treating her husband is also very intimate, washing and cooking, cleaning up the chores, basically did not let the uncle intervene.
However, the uncle did not appreciate it, and every time he mentioned his aunt, he was still angry.
I remember once, I went to his house to borrow something, and I happened to witness a scene of the two of them arguing.
At that time, the uncle and aunt had just finished eating, and the aunt was cleaning up the dishes and chopsticks, while complaining that the uncle was too lazy to know how to take the handle.
The uncle retorted, "Every time I want to help, you say I'm adding to the mess." ”
When my aunt heard my uncle's words, she became angry:
You can't wash the bowl every time, and the ground is still full of water, isn't that adding to the mess?
The uncle said: "You don't want to cook, you can not do it, no one let you do it." ”
My aunt was even more anxious when she heard it:
I don't cook, you drink the northwest wind to go ah?
How can I be so bitter in life, serving you and my son from morning to night every day, and in the end I can't fall well, you just don't have a conscience...
The two of them are like this, you and I, arguing endlessly.
I've heard the saying: "The heat and cold of marriage depends on the temperature at which you speak to your partner." ”
Whether a marriage is happy or not also has a lot to do with the way you talk and your attitude.
It is true that in intimate relationships, the party who pays more will always have grievances and always want to complain.
But too many complaints and complaints will not be exchanged for their gratitude, but will erase all your efforts.
If you look closely, you will find that such women are quite common in marriage.
They have one thing in common: they are laborious and unflattering.
You can say they're knife-mouthed tofu hearts, or you can call them stupid.
Obviously, in the whole family, it plays the role of a giver, but it is not recognized and appreciated by other family members.
It's not worth it to think about it.
But why is this happening? We can analyze it from two aspects.
From a psychological point of view, this is a flattering personality plus aggressive behavior.
Your care for your husband and children, your dedication to the whole family, is to get their love in this way.
But unfortunately, in married life, it is not how much you give and how much you get.
When you don't get your efforts back, you become dissatisfied, angry, resentful, and verbally aggressive.
From the perspective of marital emotion, this comes more from the unequal payment of family members, and the lack of seeing of the more giving party.
Because the essence of marriage is the desire to be seen by the other party.
If the effort is not seen or recognized, your heart will be out of balance, you will be angry, you will be angry, you will find an outlet to vent.
Xi Murong once said this:
Marriage is not only two people face to face from now on, marriage should be two people holding hands to face the world together.
Marriage is a two-person practice, and it requires both parties to face the chickens and pieces of life and the ups and downs of the world.
Instead of, it has always been a person's effort, a person's lonely struggle.
A good marriage can hurt each other.
He sees your efforts and understands your hard work; you also feel his exhaustion and share his stress.
So, I would like to say:
When women in marriage complain, cry, and complain, they actually just want to get their partners' listening and understanding, and want their efforts to be seen and recognized.
You know, there is no such thing as taking it for granted, and there is no willingness to give.
Behind all the efforts is a full love for the other half and the whole family.
And the blindness and indifference of the partners have made them slowly become resentful women, unappreciated and undesirable people.
There is a saying on the Internet that goes like this: "Only the relationship between two sides is meaningful." ”
For everyone in a marriage, if you want this relationship to be long and complete, you must be inseparable from the efforts of both parties.
Because, marriage is two people living together, not one person bearing all of it.
After all, the efforts of one person cannot support the marriage of two people.
If marriage is a compulsory course in life, the following thoughts on marriage hope to make you gain something:
To Man:
1. All efforts should be reciprocated.
In intimate relationships, never take the efforts of others for granted.
The other half of the effort, we must not only see, but also respond.
The effort without response will only make the other party more and more tired, and make the marriage more and more tormented.
2. The degree of participation of men determines the degree of happiness of marriage.
Marriage is the story of two people; housework is the chore of two people.
In short, marriage requires the concerted efforts of two people and the involvement and dedication of men.
For example, the more involved a man is in sorting out the housework and educating his children, the happier your marriage will be.
3. To care for one's wife is to care for oneself.
A woman who lacks love in her heart will like to complain and complain.
Your wives blame you, they resent you, just because they need your love.
And what you have to do is to be more considerate of her hard work, more understanding and respect for her efforts.
To Woman:
1. Talk well and be the best feng shui in a home.
Instead of blaming and blaming the other party, it is better to give affirmation and praise.
When the other party shares a thing for you, be sure to give full affirmation and praise.
When words of praise replace the number of drops, the other party will also be willing to participate in housework with you and share the wind and rain.
2. Occasionally "stealing a lazy" can cultivate a sense of responsibility for men.
A woman who packs a lot, always pays, and lives very tired.
Appropriately give yourself a holiday, let your partner do it, will also let the other party understand your difficulties, understand your hardships.
Although there is no empathy in this world, he has experienced your experience and has it.
3. The greatest practice in a person's life is to learn to love yourself.
No one stipulates that a woman's world must revolve around her husband and children.
We can also set aside some time and energy to love ourselves.
Instead of blindly giving, blindly sacrificing and pleasing.
There is a line in the TV series "Young Pi":
Between husband and wife, it is that you are tired, I carry you for a ride, I am tired, you carry me for a ride, the back is tired, you can also change your shoulders, carry it for you for a while.
The best marriage is like this, supporting each other, hurting each other, I see your efforts, you understand my difficulty.
Since then, the mountains and rivers have been far away, and they have crossed hand in hand.
The author | Carrie's sister, who has never given up love and freedom all her life.
The anchor | Xia Meng, warm your bedtime time with my voice.
Pictures | Visual China