There is a sentence in "Zhou Yi Family":
"Father, son, brother, brother, husband, woman, and the family is righteous."
This means that in a family, everyone puts themselves in the right position and fulfills their responsibilities, then the family can prosper harmoniously.
Psychotherapist Hellinger once said: "The biggest source of family tragedy is the misalignment of family relationships." ”
The misalignment of the relationship between family members is mainly because there is no correct position, so that in life, there is a lack of respect for other family members, arbitrary violations of each other's boundaries, and excessive interference in each other's lives...
In a happy and harmonious family, each should perform its own duties and fulfill its responsibilities. Each family member has a clear understanding of their position, adheres to their duties, and abides by their duties.
In the book "Why Home Hurts", it is written:
"The mother-in-law relationship is actually a triangular relationship between mother-in-law, son and daughter-in-law, and the core is the son."
Men in the mother-in-law relationship, in the core position, is the best candidate to mediate the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, if the man can put the right position, do their duty, there will not be so many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Psychologists have said that the relationship between individuals is often mutually devouring.
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, this is even more so. The duty of a man is to draw a clear line between the two, so that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are independent, respect each other, and maintain intimacy.
If you do not have the ability to do this, and want to maintain a good mother-in-law relationship, the best way is to minimize the time that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law spend together.
However, some men in real life, who lack the ability to mediate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, have to match the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for filial piety or other purposes.
Finally, live a chicken feather.
01. The mother-in-law came over to help with the baby
The husband of netizen Cheng Lin (pseudonym) is the same. When the child was born, her husband Yang Dong (pseudonym) was reluctant to spend money to ask for a child-rearing sister-in-law, and had to let her mother-in-law help with the baby.
She was very resistant at that time, worried that her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law would not get along well, but Yang Dong was very confident.
Yang Dong feels that her mother-in-law is a kind and simple woman full of love, and she is a reasonable and unscheming woman, so that two women living together will definitely be able to get along harmoniously.
Yang Dong also said that his emotional intelligence is not low, even if there is any turmoil between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he can cope with it freely and resolve the contradiction in the bud.
But as a sentence in the hit drama "Heart Residence": "Thinking well is a subjective wish, whether it is good or not is an objective situation, not if you think well, you can be good." ”
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along, and it is not as simple as Yang Dong imagined. The age difference between her and her mother-in-law is nearly 30 years, regardless of the growth environment, educational background, living habits, and different ways of dealing with people.
The values of the two people are even more divided, how can they get along harmoniously?
Especially in terms of parenting philosophy, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are the most divided.
In Cheng Lin's view, the mother-in-law does not understand scientific parenting, lacks the necessary knowledge to raise children now, and is very stubborn, rejecting any guidance from her and insisting on going her own way.
She can tolerate other things, but when it comes to the child's physical and mental health and future development, she will not back down.
02. Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is constant strife
The mother-in-law's opinion is also very large, she has just retired, she has not yet enjoyed retirement life, just under the call of her son, away from her wife and relatives and friends, she left her hometown to come to this strange city.
My mother-in-law thinks I'm here to help you, you should be grateful to me, since you asked me to take the baby, you must trust me, don't nitpick me, point fingers.
As intimacy says:
"The closer you get, the more problems there are, and as the problems arise, the power struggle gradually begins, and both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law want to be the hostess of the family, which is the power struggle between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law."
With the passage of time, the "struggle" between Cheng Lin and her mother-in-law developed from the beginning of the "point to the end" to the later "every inch of land must be fought", and the atmosphere in the family became increasingly tense.
At this time, Yang Dong deeply realized the complexity of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Yang Dong has mediated from it many times, hoping to calm the disputes between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so that life can return to the quiet and good old days, but every time he is concerned about one or the other, and the two sides are not flattered.
Yang Dong is usually busy with work, the company's affairs are already a little tired to cope, back home, but also into the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can not extricate themselves.
Seeing that Yang Dong was anxious and tired every day, Cheng Lin repeatedly proposed to send his mother-in-law back to his hometown county, but Yang Dong could not open his mouth, and felt that it was a kind of disrespect to call his mother-in-law to come and go.
03. I bought 13 pairs of shoes in two years
Cheng Lin was also tired of such a life.
She knew that Yang Dong, like her mother-in-law, was frugal by nature and valued money very seriously, in order to alleviate her inner anxiety, but also to stimulate her mother-in-law and Yang Dong, she began to spend money lavishly.
Every time there was a conflict with her mother-in-law, she used Yang Dong's account to buy things online. In the past two years, she bought 13 pairs of shoes, 6 bags, clothes and cosmetics.
Yang Dong couldn't sit still at all.
But she still went her own way, and did not want to take care of it at all, as long as Yang Dong said a few more words, the two began to quarrel. Seeing that the relationship between husband and wife was in jeopardy, Yang Dong finally woke up.
Yang Dong expressed his remorse to her, saying that if he had listened to her and asked for a child-rearing sister-in-law, life would not have been a mess.
After a long conversation, the two finally found a more appropriate solution.
04. The husband gritted his teeth and spent 60,000 yuan to send the child to the morning nursery
After many investigations and comparisons, Yang Dong found an early nursery near his residence, although the cost of 60,000 a year, Yang Dong still gritted his teeth to send his two-year-old and 3-month-old child.
Fortunately, the child's adaptability is relatively strong, and it only took a week to adapt to the formal enrollment in the early stage.
Although the mother-in-law is reluctant to have children, she does not say anything when she sees that her children can adapt to the new environment. After a few days, the mother-in-law proposed to go back to her hometown county.
Hellinger said: "A good family must have a sense of boundaries. ”
In family interactions, it is necessary to maintain appropriate emotional distance and clarify reasonable boundaries between each other, so that everyone can get along comfortably.
For men, if they want family harmony, they must recognize their roles and put themselves in the right position.
If you can't do it, draw a reasonable line between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, then you must let them maintain an appropriate distance.
Maintaining respect and keeping distance is the best way for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along.
As a man, you must remember: mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the whole family and, home and talent.
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