Text/Su Xin
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01
There is a saying in the book: "Everyone desires to love and be loved." ”
In fact, each of us longs to be embraced by love, and at the same time hope that we can give this hot love to others, but do we really know how to love?
Next door, a new couple moved in, it looks like they have just been married, the wife looks particularly gentle and virtuous, and the man is not good at words, but the impression left on us is always very gentleman.
My impression of the couple changed from one night, it rained a lot that day, the family cut off the food, I ordered takeaway, to the door of the community to get the takeaway back, I suddenly heard the next door there is a woman crying, listen carefully, it is the man who is counting the women, the woman is like a child who has done something wrong, explaining and begging for forgiveness in front of the man.
It turned out that the sweet marriage I thought was just a mess.
Later, I learned that men were not very satisfied with women, and that men had to marry women in order to take responsibility, because women had threatened with their lives, and men compromised in this situation.
However, in marriage, although a woman has repeatedly and desperately exerted the gentleness and thoughtfulness of a woman, she cannot shake the man's indifferent heart in the slightest, and even the man's requirements for her have become more and more intense.
That rainy night, I heard the sound of men slamming the door and the women's final faint hoarse cries. The woman must have tried her best to keep it, but the man still walked away ruthlessly.
Within a few days, the man and the woman returned to their usual calm, and there was still no expression on the man's face, as if the woman existed like air, and the woman still humbly flattered the man and seemed to be more dependent on him.
I told my girlfriend that if my marriage had one day become like this, I would have filed for divorce first, because I couldn't stand the feeling of "sticking a cold ass with a hot face."
Love requires mutual respect, and if the other person doesn't love you at all, why joke about your dignity?
In fact, in love, only a woman who lacks love in her heart will behave so flattering and dependent.
02
There is a saying that goes it well: "The person who can really appreciate you will always appreciate your proud appearance, not your humble and pretentious appearance." ”
If the love you want needs to be pleasing to achieve, then it is not a good love at all.
Love essentially needs to be attracted to each other, and no one will like the way you look like you are low, and the more you please, the more disgusting the other party is.
So, instead of lowering your self-esteem to pray for the likes of others, let go of what you seek to be perfect.
The movie "The Life of the Rejected Pine Nut" tells the story of a woman who should have lived a wonderful life, but lost herself because of the bottomless flattery.
The protagonist is named Matsuko, a beautiful woman who is both inside and outside, who agrees to share a room with him in order to meet the principal's request, but is defiled by him; she is finally framed by the students in order to shield her students; she does not want to be self-defeating in order to please her boyfriend, but is scorned by her boyfriend.
Matsuko is kind, but her kindness has no principle, in order to make the people around her feel good about her, she did not refuse what should have been rejected, but accepted what should not be accepted, and her unprincipled compromise made the people around her bullying more and more unscrupulous.
At the end of the movie, Matsuko is rejected by everyone, and she also leaves this world in the disgust of everyone.
Matsuko is probably too lacking in love and recognition, which is why she is so flattering to others, and even blindly tolerates when she is bullied. She wanted to exchange flattery for the kindness of others, but she didn't want to, and flattery would not make people respect you, in exchange for disgust.
In love, the other party dislikes you in addition to flattery and dependence.
Miyazaki once said, "Don't rely on a person easily, it will become your habit." "Dependence will make people lose their independent ability and courage, and people will gradually lose themselves while getting used to dependence."
In fact, excessive dependence is also a manifestation of the lack of love in the heart, because it is too eager to get, and it is afraid of losing, so it will always appear to be suffering from gain and loss in life, extremely sensitive.
But often the more this is the case, the more unable to retain a person, because the existence of a relationship, must be mutual attraction, and personality must be equal, and the person who relies too much on the other party, in fact, her personality is no longer sound, where is the attraction?
Therefore, if you want to get true love, you must learn how to love someone, and first of all, you must quit the two behaviors of flattery and dependence.
03
There is a saying that is very good: "In life, in fact, there is only one kind of success, which is the real ultimate success, that is, to do your best to be yourself."
If you want to live with love and respect, the most important thing a person should do is to become a person's independent self.
No matter when, you must do your best to be the best version of yourself, so that you can attract people who come to the same frequency as you, he will not embarrass you, will not want to change you, but know how to appreciate you and respect you, and only such feelings are the most real and relaxed.
Some people say that good love comes by attraction, not by chasing, and it is impossible to lay down dignity to humble and please in order to get it. Pleasing will only make you more worthless, and the pursuit of independent self will continue to add value to yourself.
A friend once had a failed marriage, when she fell in love with a very good man, as the saying goes, women chase men in the veil, under her stalking attack, men finally accepted her, but after marriage she did not live happily, because men always think that she is not slender enough, think that her voice is not beautiful enough, and even always joke about her shortcomings.
She knows that if she truly loves someone, she will tolerate and accept everything about her, rather than poking her sore spot at every turn. She regretted her abandonment of her dignity for love.
Later, she still felt that this marriage was not suitable for her at all, so she simply took the initiative to file for divorce with her husband.
After the divorce, she no longer had to be depressed and anxious because others disliked her figure, she said that what she needed was someone who could fully accept her, and she would no longer lose weight because of other people's comments, or deliberately imitate anyone's voice.
Being the most authentic self is the best way to get along with herself, and when a person can fully accept herself and live in harmony with herself, she will definitely be a person who loves life.
People always have to learn to cherish themselves and be brave in order to get the appreciation and love of others, so no matter when you can't compromise again and again because of anything, lower standards and principles, you know, your compromise, flattery, dependence, etc., will become the reason for others to dislike you.
END.