Some emotional experts have said that the biggest problem of Chinese marriage is that the sense of security is too strong and the sense of crisis is too low. Marriage does not mean that you have a partner completely, if you can have a sense of crisis of "losing each other" earlier, you will naturally cherish more about marriage.
Things that hurt your partner, things that destroy the atmosphere of the family, to a large extent you try to avoid.
We never have "ownership" of our partner, only "right to use", no matter how loving and how long we live, he does not belong to you, and you do not belong to her.
So from the moment we get married, we have to realize that in this long life, there is a possibility of separation.
Especially couples after middle age, they have completely lost the sense of crisis in marriage, and feel that the two people have gone through such a long road and cannot be separated again. It is always certain that no matter what happens, it is impossible to separate two people, in fact, from this moment on, the crisis has quietly come.
Couples who have lived for decades, why do they divorce when they are old? Worth pondering!
1, feelings can not withstand consumption, disappointment can not stand the accumulation.
In this world, where there is a sudden outbreak, it is just too many grievances accumulated, which thing has detonated.
All along, you have lacked the management of feelings, do not take care of each other's feelings, do not appreciate each other's efforts, and the disappointments exchanged for expectations will gradually be deposited with the passage of time.
No matter how deep the emotional foundation is, it cannot withstand such consumption, only in and out, only consume and do not fill, there must be a time when it is exhausted.
Until the husband and wife become more and more indifferent, when the task of starting a family with their children is completed, there will be no worries and obstacles.
When you are young, you don't know how to deal with problems, and you never take contradictions seriously, because you always feel that after reconciliation, those problems will pass.
Actually? Contradictions, grievances, details, there has never been a real meaning of the turn, but hidden, gradually shaking the obsession that must be hand in hand.
Therefore, no matter what age you are, you must have a management of marriage, in this matter, if you do not advance, you will retreat, otherwise you will be an old husband and wife, and you may also be able to fly apart.
2, living conditions become better, people will also become more focused on practical feelings.
For example, many couples, when they are young, because of the lack of material resources, lead to poor life, they will not consider their own feelings, pay attention to their own feelings, and have no heart to pursue anything.
It's like a robot without feelings, full of thoughts about how to make money, always running to the goal of making money.
So there are few contradictions, but the few contradictions are not because of love, but each other's main energy is focused on making money. Even if there is a conflict, there is little energy to calculate, to be a little wronged, to think that tomorrow will make money, this is a big thing.
As the living conditions become better and better, especially after the children start a family, people will definitely start to pursue something.
The so-called food is full of life, hunger and cold. Frequent conflicts in will, pursuit, ideas, and life will naturally make people feel exhausted in the long run.
You don't understand me, I don't understand you; you don't support me, I don't support you.
It is easy to have internal friction between husband and wife, and because they are old husbands and wives, they will become more and more fierce in attacking each other. At the end of the day, there is no longer a common goal ahead.
"With your partner, constantly pursue new goals", which is also the advice on marriage in "The Weakness of Human Nature", written in the first part.
3. Unforgivable principled harm has occurred.
For many ordinary couples, even if there is no love between them, they have always lived together, but they have lived together for decades, even if there is no love, there is also affection and affection, which is not so easy to give up.
Thinking about your age, coupled with all kinds of concerns about reality, you will not divorce easily.
After all, they have all experienced real life, know everything, and see through everything, so there is a kind of divorce, which is a desperate bet when there is no way back.
When there is no way to make it up, the spirit is always suffering from special suffering, and only divorce can liberate oneself.
So don't hold the luck mentality, feel that after living together for so many years, no matter what mistakes you make, you will eventually turn the page and can be forgiven.
People have a bottom line, marriage is also, as long as the bottom line is encountered, things will become non-negotiable.
The older you get, the more you must cherish it, don't ruin the home you have worked hard to build for decades because of a momentary impulse, this is not worth it, and it is really a pity.
4, one party has changed its mind and has found a good way out for itself.
All departures are premeditated, and no one has thought about leaving at the moment of leaving. Of course, there will be signs of anything happening, such as your partner's pickiness, harshness, indifference, and depreciation of you, which is an externalized expression of inner emotions.
In the case of a retreat, the determination to leave is always extremely firm, and it only takes a small conflict to put the matter of leaving on the agenda.
In fact, there is a change of heart, and in the end, I will basically regret it.
It is not a change of heart to empathize with others, but to live together for too long, have a tired heart, see each other horizontal and vertical is not pleasing to the eye, any shortcomings have become intolerable to themselves, and really do not want to live with each other anymore, a second is suffering.
You have to wait until you are truly separated to understand that even if there is no affection between husband and wife, love can be melted into the blood and bone marrow. At the moment, I am just looking for trouble, and my heart is confused by the feeling of exhaustion.
To some extent, middle-aged couples divorce, may not be able to persuade anyone. Being able to give up so many years of feelings and make up your mind to divorce has proved that no one's two words can change.
But no matter what, if you really get to the step of divorce, you will still feel very sorry, it is not easy to go all the way, and the sourness in it is only clear to yourself.
Between husband and wife, there will always be contradictions, and there will always be conflicts, do not forget how two people came together when they are emotionally. Contradiction is contradiction, conflict is conflict, do not question.
Feelings are not once and for all, more cherished, more responsible, all marriage crises, basically occur in the heart of burnout.
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