About the things that make the chicken fly and the dog jump when you talk about learning

Talk about learning to chicken fly dog jump those things

"The Courage to Be Hated" is under study.

"How do you tell whose subject this is?"

Adler argues that it is only necessary to consider the consequences of a certain choice, and who ultimately bears it.

Whoever undertakes the task has the right to choose and decide on this matter.

This sounds simple, but it is really not easy to operate.

Because the entanglement between people and people in life is not something that can be said clearly and simply, especially in the relationship with parents, spouses, children, friends, bosses, colleagues, etc., not only to consider how the matter itself should be, but also to worry about the emotional feelings of the other party, and to bear the impact of the other party's feelings on you.

For example, in life, we often hear parents complain that it is too painful to urge children to write homework.

What about children? I also feel unhappy because I am always stared at by my parents to write homework.

In the behavior mode of "parents urge one by one, children are forced to write helplessly", parents will become more and more irritable because their children are not as expected, and children are also accustomed to being urged to think that learning is not their own business, and they are learning for parents.

So whose subject is it to study this?

Let's first see, who should bear the final consequences?

If the child does not study well, the consequences of not writing homework may be poor grades, can not be admitted to a good university, can not find a good job, may not be able to achieve their life goals and life values, the direct burden of this consequence is the child himself, not the parents.

Therefore, according to Adler's judgment, learning is a child's subject.

But do parents really not realize that learning is their child's own business?

In reality, when urging children to learn, I believe that many parents have said these words to their children, "Learning is for you to learn, not for us to learn" "Only by studying well and being admitted to a good university can you live better in the future."

In this scenario, on the one hand, parents know consciously that this is the child's own life, but they can't help but intervene in action, because they are emotionally afraid that the child will not have a good life in the future.

On the other hand, the future development of children and the future state of life will actually affect parents.

Suppose a more extreme situation, if the child does not study well, can not find a job when he grows up, has no way to support himself, and can only eat at home, this result will affect both the child and the parents.

If it is said that who bears the result is whose subject, or who is more troubled by the result, that is, whose subject, then it is difficult to distinguish between the child's homework and whether it is the parent's or the child's subject.

Because although the degree is different, both parents and children will be troubled by this matter and will bear the consequences of this matter.

So it should be added that it is necessary to see who is the main body that really carries out this matter? Whoever does this is the subject of whom.

In the matter of writing homework, no matter how much parents want to help their children complete, they cannot replace their children's homework, so writing homework is the child's problem.

However, in theory, the completion of the separation of topics does not mean that in practice, it is necessary to draw a clear line with this matter and let it go.

Parents should protect their children on the basis of knowing what they are doing, and guide and help them on the basis of their children's consent.

Take the study and homework, for example, parents should tell their children that this is his own subject, and at the same time, they must also find out what is the reason why the child is reluctant to write homework? Is this reason justified?

If the child is lazy, just wants to play, does not want to write homework, and faces this kind of improper and reasonable reason, then it is necessary to guide the child. If the child encounters difficulties in learning, such as homework is too difficult, really can not write, in the face of such a situation, parents must help the child to develop a solution. Parents can provide theoretical assistance, but the specific implementation of the main body is still the child. ”

The chapter "The Courage to Be Hated" is written so meticulously and groundedly that I believe that many parents are particularly interested in it, which can also resonate, and at the same time, they are more clear about their own thinking, so as to make better changes.

"Don't talk about learning motherly kindness and filial piety, talk about learning chicken flying dog jumping." It can be said that it is a tragedy that continues to play out in thousands of families, and it has stung the hearts of many children and parents.

Watching online videos, because of the help of children's homework angry slap on the table, the little finger fracture of the person. There is a recurrence of the qi to the acute disease into the ICU. Angry to jump off the building, the police came forward to mediate. All kinds of suffering and pain, and so on.

Because I have been busy with work before, coupled with my daughter's smart and well-behaved and strong learning ability, I have never experienced the painful taste of "not talking about learning motherly kindness and filial piety, talking about learning chicken flying dog jumping", and I have never been angry with her because of her poor grades.

But the result is even more tragic, and the worry about her daughter's study has gradually escalated from constantly asking for leave, not being able to take exams, helplessly taking a leave of absence, and failing to resume school. When my daughter was suspended from school, the teacher said that her grades were in the upper middle. Taking frequent leave and still maintaining this level is already very powerful.

This made me realize that it doesn't matter what kind of learning ability, talent, and talent a child has. The key is whether the heart is steaming, full of energy, brave and fearless, born to the sun, growing savagely, never wandering.

Is it impossible to eat grapes and say that grapes are sour?

No, in addition to the several highly educated patients I saw during the hospitalization of my daughter, there are several children of group friends who are also quite powerful, doctoral graduates, master's degrees, and famous universities. "One disease destroys everything", can't go out, can't go to work, can't have normal social interactions, is self-isolated, and is busy with endless mental infighting and complaining and tossing parents every day.

It is true that he has become a talent, but what is the use?

Adults are more important than talent. Physical and mental health is the best education and the most promising future.

Therefore, I am willing to define learning in a broader sense, including but not limited to mathematical and physical learning, including but not limited to learning in the classroom, including but not limited to studying at university. As long as the new things that children love and are willing to try, they can grow into life, and those who can focus on them and enjoy them are all learning.