Most of life's doom tragedies are actually the result of their own choices.
Adler opposed fatalism, arguing that "life can be created by itself, and fatalism is only an escape from life, because those who believe in fate do not have to work in a beneficial direction in life, and this belief is only a false spiritual pillar." Man's past does not determine the future or the outcome, but rather how he perceives and applies it. “
So it seems that when we complain about fate and mean ourselves, it is actually an instinct to escape.
But what do you think is the most unfortunate and wrong choice in life? What happened to Ms. S next may bring enlightenment and understanding to everyone.
Ms. S's sister drifted north to her city, so she temporarily lived in her sister's house, but was repeatedly harassed by her brother-in-law, resulting in great fear.
When the sister-in-law changes clothes, the man will suddenly break into the bedroom, once or twice can be said to be unintentional, but for a long time, more times, it is obviously deliberate, and even once when he was sleeping, he used the strength of wine to harass the girl with his hands up and down, and afterwards his wife quarreled, but he did not think that the excuse was just too much drinking, joking, and even blurted out what she is not a pure love jade woman dressed up, anyway, did not really do something
The most painful thing for Ms. S is that she not only suffers and suffers every day, but the man throws his hands and ignores everything, and finally harasses his own sister.
The more terrible thing in this world than poverty is poverty
Buffett said: "
The most important decision in your life is who to marry. When it comes to choosing a partner, if you're wrong, it will cost you a lot. And the losses aren't just monetary. “
To choose a person is to choose a level and destiny.
You can never imagine what kind of blow you will face if you choose the wrong person, and all this may not be simply yourself, but also your family and children will be implicated.
For a poor person, his "aspirations" and "pursuits" will be different
Poverty of the heart is the greatest misfortune and one of the most unselectable factors for this person.
Writer Fang Ying felt: "Poverty is not terrible for a person, what is terrible is that poverty is not self-aware, poverty without thinking about change, poverty and content with the status quo, and even confession." “
In fact, poverty does not necessarily mean that this person has no desire or desire to eat and wait for death, or there is no higher standard for life, but his "aspiration" and "pursuit" will be different, and often the aspirations and needs of this type of person will be low self-esteem or even vulgar.
Like Ms. S's husband, he thinks that such "game" jokes are the love of life and no big deal.
Also like the white light in "The First Half of My Life", every day to do the dream of "making a lot of money", losing money also needs the wife to find a way to fill the gaps, but also righteously believes that it does not matter if the loss is exhausted, soft grinding hard bubbles let the wife go to the sister's house, the money will naturally come.
When the wife let him recognize the reality, but the man blames the wife, simply put, he lives on the wife, while still looking down on the daughter-in-law with full eyes.
Women always think that not being poor for love is a sincere expression of love, but for a poor person, either you are stupid, or you know that you are not enough to find a better object.
No one will be grateful for the "sacrifice" you thought you had at the beginning to admit your love, your forbearance, and concessions, which can only become a disguised connivance, waiting for more and more bottomless torture and harm.
People who are poor in heart have hard to fill their desires
A poor person not only habitually takes, but also feels that you are not giving enough.
Ms. S's husband will not be grateful for his wife's dedication to himself and his family, only feel that he is not considerate enough and not obedient enough, And Bai Guang does not know how to cherish it, and is full of eyes that his wife is dragging himself down, blaming her for not asking for money from her mother's family to subsidize herself.
The poor man is the most affectionate, and you can never fill his desires.
The most unfortunate choice in life is to pick the wrong partner, because the seemingly happy and the end of home is the beginning of more misfortune, but what if you have found the wrong person?
Adler, the founder of individual psychology, said:
"People can change at any time and in whatever environment they are in. The reason why you can't change is because you have made up your mind not to change."
In his "The Courage to Be Hated" point of view, in fact, the reason why people are unhappy is not because of the past or relief, nor is it because of lack of ability, but only the lack of "courage", which can also be said to be "the courage to obtain happiness".
In fact, the same is true of feelings, when we are trapped in it and cannot be redeemed, we should learn to cope and save ourselves to change the present.
According to the point of view in the book, we should understand that finding the cause does not necessarily change the result, but the purpose can change the result.
Procrastination, avoidance only because we can't face frustration, not willing to sink the emotions that have been paid, and that unknown future, worrying about anxiety and fearing mistakes, can only make more mistakes and make the hurt that is encountered more.
What kind of purpose life has, how to live should be chosen by yourself, not others to decide, not because of the sunk cost or ideal love to pray for feelings, tolerate each other, not the same as indulging lovers, accepting themselves is not necessarily arrogant, but really see their own advantages, to better experience feelings and life.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.