In 2021, there is a phenomenon-level TV series called "Xiao Shede", which is a TV series about "XiaoShengchu", which has deeply touched countless parents, and the most touching of them is the picture of Xueba Yan Ziyou's public confession:
"I feel that my mother does not love me, but me who has a perfect score." "Every time you say that you are for my own good, but in fact, it is for your own face, never caring whether I am happy or not, whether I am willing or not." 」 "How is it so hard to do what you love?"
This is the first time that the well-behaved and sensible Ziyou has erupted emotionally, talking openly about his feelings, and everyone knows that this little heart has suffered so many grievances. This has also triggered many parents to reflect:
Is the eagerness of our desperate chicken babies and hoping for a dragon into a phoenix really right? Is it good for the child's development?
The psychology guru Adler once questioned the high expectations that parents placed on their children: children could keenly feel what their families expected of them. They are always excited and nervous about this expectation, and they always want to surpass others and become the focus of "everyone's attention". This kind of task is a burden, but as long as they are in a favorable situation, they will resolutely choose to carry the weight forward.
If humanity had grasped the absolute truth and been able to find a perfect way to save children from these difficulties, then we would not have had problems with children. Since we can't find the perfect way to grow up, and we can't create a perfect environment for growing up, it's an extremely dangerous thing to expect too much from our children.
The ambitious child focuses only on the end result, that is, people affirm his achievements. If the results are not recognized, they will not feel satisfied. As we all know, in many cases, maintaining mental health and balance in the face of difficulties is far more important than solving the problem right away.
In many families, a report card is a barometer at home, and the quality of children's grades is directly related to the mood of the whole family. When children fail exams or lose places in competitions, some parents feel that "the sky has fallen", and some children can't bear it, and when they encounter some setbacks, they feel that it should be the end of the world, in the final analysis, it is because they "don't want to lose" and "want to win".
This sentiment has also caused many tragedies. In September 2015, a 17-year-old girl from Jilin jumped off a building because her mock test results were not satisfactory... In November, in the class of a 15-year-old teenager in Nanyang, his father posted a condolence message saying, "May the parents of the world stop putting pressure on their children and give him a free and relaxed childhood!" ”
In the long run, cultivating children who can work hard for the future and have a certain ability to withstand setbacks, and maintaining a peaceful attitude is the ultimate goal of our education, so how can we make children afford to lose?
Bai Yansong, a well-known CCTV host, once wrote in the book that in the era of the flood of success studies, many distortions and chaos in China are related to the pursuit of success on the surface. We only seek realistic results, often not truth; we take results very seriously, so we never enjoy the process; we often do whatever it takes to achieve certain expectations. In fact, "life is not satisfactory." Since there are nine times out of ten that things are not satisfactory, why do we never teach our children the mentality and coping ability when they are "nine out of ten"? Eleven-twelfths of success is regarded as extremely important; nine times out of ten setbacks are magnified to the point of no return.
It is human nature not to want to lose, and it is also true that it is impossible for all people to win. When the child's grades are not satisfactory, do not ignore the process of the child's efforts, at this time for the lost child, the warmest voice is the parents affirm his efforts, rather than questioning his ability.
Many times, when children fail, they are also depressed and miserable inside. At this time, parents should become the most trustworthy support for their children. Parents should not express their dissatisfaction unknowingly. Don't hurt your child's "Lizi" because of your "face". What you say out of disappointment and anger will not only help your child adjust his mood and get out of trouble, but may also push the lost child into a psychological desperate situation.
Education expert Yin Jianli once said: Almost all good relationships do not have too much dogma and trivial control, but leave room for each other to be independent in a cordial relationship, allowing the other party to do things according to his own wishes, allowing him to do not do well and less harshly.
Successful children are our children, unsuccessful children are also our children, lower expectations, return to a peaceful family atmosphere, is the best family education.