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"The father of self-enlightenment," Adler said, true freedom is the courage to be "hated."
In life, we will inevitably be bothered by an act of others, and feel bound because of a word from others.
Because we all want not to be hated.
But life is your own, don't let passers-by disrupt the rhythm of our lives.
To be free and live at ease, you need to have the following three types of "hated courage."
Confident and optimistic people never live in the expectations of others
Recently, the suspense drama "JiangZhao Dawn" has become a dark horse of screen reputation, and Ma Sichun, the actor of the heroine Li Xiaonan, has frequently searched for her superb acting skills, and netizens have called it "face-changing" acting skills.
In the play, Ma Sichun completely disregarded the image, starred in plain face, bloated figure, and played the married women who suffered from domestic violence and were tired of running for their livelihoods.
But who ever thought that Ma Sichun, who has no idol baggage, once said when he disclosed that he suffered from depression in the show: He was once very inferior, never dared to be angry, afraid that others would not like him.
Ma Sichun's starting point in life is not low, the aunt is Jiang Wenli, when others are still running the dragon set, she has easily had more opportunities to contact the screen.
However, since she was a child, she was instilled by her parents to "be obedient and sensible, to think about others, and not to be self", in such a growth environment, Ma Sichun developed a personality of "preferring to wronged herself rather than easily trouble others", and became the expectation in the eyes of her parents - a well-behaved woman.
Fortunately, now she has come out of "other people's expectations", and also appeared in variety shows to be ridiculed, do not care about others complaining that she is fat, and frankly accept the public's negative evaluation of her starring in "The First Incense".
Netizens said that she was "free and free" and liked her more.
Nobel laureate in literature Elias Canetti said: Freedom is not living in the expectations of others.
People who really like you, always appreciate you is your confident and proud appearance, not your pretending to be humble and pandering to pleasing looks.
People who are rich in heart never live in the evaluation of others
Keiko once said to Zhuangzi: "Zi is not a fish, but the joy of knowing fish."
Whether the shoes fit or not, only the feet know; whether I live well or not, only I know best.
There is a fable in Zhuangzi:
There is a fish called "Kun" in the North Sea, and one day, it transforms into a bird called "Peng", determined to fly to the South China Sea thousands of miles away.
During the flight, a cicada and a small spotted dove laughed at it and said: "When we usually fly hard, we can fly to elm trees and fir trees at most, and sometimes we can't fly so high and fall to the ground." Why don't you measure up to fly to the South China Sea for ninety thousand miles?
Kunpeng did not stagnate because of the shameful laughter of the tick, but soared into the sky and harvested a vast and beautiful world, and because of this, the good story of "Pengcheng Wanli" was born.
The tick has only a small elm tree in its eyes, and it is impossible to understand the sea of stars that Kunpeng pursues.
Everyone's pursuits are different, and their understanding of life is also different. You have your principles, he has his point of view, don't let other people's evaluations affect our lives.
Wang Shuo once said: The most important thing about the so-called life understanding is that we will never hand over the criteria for judging to others.
We do things as people, we must make a voice, communicate with people, positive evaluation and negative evaluation will always exist at the same time, some people like us, some people hate us.
Zhang Wei, a pistachio who is always giggling, has also been plagued by depression and relies on eating melatonin every day to fall asleep.
He also said about this matter in "Strange Sayings": The reason why people are troubled is because they always live in the evaluation of others, and when we no longer care about other people's opinions, we will naturally be much happier.
A person's life is not for others to see. When you stop paying attention to the evaluation of others, you can concentrate on shooting the bullseye of happiness.
Truly good people are always concerned about themselves
Adler once said: "The root of all people's troubles is interpersonal relationships, and the reason why people are troubled is because they have always pursued the approval of others." ”
When we are seen, understood, accepted, respected, and trusted, we feel happy, and vice versa, we are disturbed.
But we can't be recognized forever and live as others expect.
The well-known Japanese writer Haruki Murakami is a person who constantly pays attention to himself, and he never disturbs his rhythm because of other people's opinions.
Haruki Murakami's parents were both teachers, and he had high hopes since he was a child. His parents hoped that he would study Japanese classical literature well and enter a good university in the future, but he was more interested in Western literature and music and was reluctant to study well.
In high school, Haruki Murakami's grades have been bad, and he re-studied for a year before being admitted to college; he went to college, but he took a break from school for love and ran to get married.
After the marriage, in order to stabilize him, the family sponsored the couple to open a bar. At that time, Haruki Murakami read books and listened to music every day, and lived a leisurely and comfortable life.
Suddenly, one day, another thought flashed through his mind: I had read a lot of poetry books, and I might as well write a novel to play with.
At the age of 29, Haruki Murakami won the 23rd Newcomer Literature Award of the Japanese Literary Magazine for his debut novel, "Listening to the Wind".
Finding a new direction in his life, he made a surprising decision: to close the bar and devote himself to writing.
Unsurprisingly, this idea was opposed by everyone around him, everyone thought that this was too radical, you as a hobby, amateur creation is good, you can not abandon the main business "do not do the right thing".
But going step by step is not the life that Haruki Murakami wants, living in the expectations of his family will not be happy for the rest of his life, he knows too well what he wants.
So he insisted on his opinion, pushed the crowd, sold the bar, and began his career as a professional writer.
He gets up at 4 a.m. every day, writes for 4 hours, and runs 10 kilometers. After unremitting efforts, he eventually became a world-famous writer.
After becoming famous, Haruki Murakami said, "No matter what everyone in the world says, I will never let others disrupt the rhythm of my life." ”
No matter when and where, as long as we follow our hearts, be ourselves, and always pay attention to self-growth, we can be the helmsman of our own life ship like Haruki Murakami.
Instead of suffering from the expectations of others, it is better to find your own happiness.
Write at the end
There is a classic quote in "Love Can Reach the Long Time":
When you begin to realize that nothing is perfect, you have actually taken the first step of "loving yourself";
When you slowly find out that it doesn't matter if you are "hated", you have actually tasted freedom.
So, don't lose yourself in the expectations of others, and don't attack yourself in other people's evaluations. When you begin to be true to your heart and love yourself unconditionally, you have the courage to be "hated".
This kind of courage is the confidence you have to harvest happiness and freedom.