Adler, a master of psychology, believes that it takes courage to accept being hated by some people.
He said that in interpersonal relationships, how others evaluate you is someone else's subject, and you simply cannot influence it. Too concerned about the sight and evaluation of others, will continue to seek the approval of others, the pursuit of recognition to stifle freedom.
Because he did not want to be hated by anyone, he chose an unfree lifestyle. In other words, freedom is no longer seeking approval.
This sentence is a sentence that Teacher Yang Lan included in her new book "Big Woman".
There is a sentence in it, "The pursuit of approval kills freedom." When I read this sentence, I involuntarily read it many times.
Because it touched my heart, it unlocked the confusion that I have been working hard all these years and getting a lot of praise and praise, but I still always feel the shortcomings.
Perhaps, I have long been kidnapped by the so-called "approval of others", but I have no way of knowing.
When you were a student, you wanted to be evaluated as a "good student" by the teacher, so you studied very hard, even after class, you did not run out to play with your classmates, but made an effort to read extracurricular books there.
It's time off, buddies, either go out and play together, or watch your favorite TV series at home while you're still there writing your homework and reviewing. Because then you seem to be a sensible and obedient child, and you like to be approved by your parents.
When you are in love during adolescence, you hope to be evaluated by your boyfriend as a sensible, kind, and gentle woman, so you always maintain the highest standard of a society for women, diligent and kind, gentle and considerate, sensible, and considerate of the overall situation;
You never dare to coddle in front of your boyfriend, play a little temper, follow your own nature, and do whatever you want, because you are afraid of being called ignorant.
After work, in order to get the recognition of colleagues, strive to live as a good colleague in the eyes of others, easy-going, generous, diligent, helpful, preemptive in everything, hands-on;
Never dare to refuse a request from someone else, because you are afraid that after rejecting it, you will be called selfish and unkind.
After getting married, you want to be recognized by the whole extended family. So you have become a good daughter-in-law of your mother-in-law, a good sister-in-law of your concubines, a virtuous wife of your husband, a good mother of your son, and a good aunt in the eyes of your nephews and nieces;
You don't dare to be too nice to yourself, because you are afraid, afraid that they will say that you are too selfish.
I remember my mother-in-law was such a person. On a hot summer day, she was resting at noon, but she was constantly busy.
In fact, I could see that she was already very tired, and that day I dissuaded her from working and taking a lunch break. So she lay on the bed for a while.
After sleeping for less than ten minutes, my father-in-law suddenly returned. She suddenly got up on the bed.
Asked why, she said she felt it was inappropriate for a woman to sleep in front of her husband in broad daylight. If the husband is at home, he should be served to eat and live, rather than going to bed alone.
She felt that it was not easy for her husband to earn money outside, and she should serve well.
Don't we women earn money, don't women get busy, don't women get tired?
Get up at six o'clock in the morning, cook, send the child to school, hurry to go to work; pick up the child at noon, cook, clean up the housework, there is no lunch break, then send the child, then go to work, work until nine o'clock in the evening, come home to accompany the child to read, wash clothes and mop the floor, and it is lucky to be able to go to bed at 10:30.
Why is society's requirement for a man to only work hard and have a career to achieve, while the requirements for a woman are indeed all aspects?
When a person does something, why do they have to get the approval of others, the praise of others, and the likes of others?
It takes courage to be true, and it takes courage to be hated.
If you want to seek freedom and want to be your true self, then bravely take this step, try to break free from the shackles of these auras on yourself, and find the courage to be hated.