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"True Nobility": "Superior to others, not noble, the real nobility should be superior to the past self." ”
Different people have different definitions of the word "noble", which can basically be divided into two definitions: one is to compare oneself with others, thinking that being superior to others is noble; the other is to compare with the past self, thinking that it is better than the past self to be noble.
In contrast, of course, it is more meaningful than the past self, because this nobility is dynamic, can always be promoted, more and more noble; and those who think that they are superior to others, even if they are noble, their understanding of nobility is static, and may stay forever in a state of self-proclaimed nobility.
Truly noble people will never say that they are noble, never show off how noble they are, and will not interact with people with a downward posture.
Only those who think they are noble will say that they are noble, that they are more noble than others, and that they always have a sense of superiority. What they don't know is that it will only make others look down on you, and others won't like you because you're narcissistic.
The following mother-in-law's complaint about her daughter-in-law is about this aspect, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I have heard many daughters-in-law denounce their mother-in-law, say that their mother-in-law is useless, portray their mother-in-law as a monster, and say that the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are all caused by mother-in-law, all because the mother-in-law is not a good mother-in-law, so there will be so many broken things.
In my opinion, this voice has gradually become a kind of prejudice, which has led many people to talk about mother-in-law discoloration and blindly define the mother-in-law throughout the world as a bad person.
I find it very sad that I feel helpless for many mothers-in-law, because they are not evil mothers-in-law. Moreover, they don't go online, they don't talk around like their daughters-in-law. This one did not dare to speak out, and the one did not dare to resist, and gradually there was only the share of "being beaten".
I especially understand this feeling, because I am such a mother-in-law.
I have satisfied the requirements of my daughter-in-law, and I have also satisfied my son's additional requests in order to please his daughter-in-law. The bride price was given, the house was bought, usually let me help, asked me for money, I did not refuse, is this not the end of benevolence?
I think it's really not that I'm bad, but that my daughter-in-law is asking for too much. When I can't fully meet her unreasonable demands, she ignores the kindness I once had for her, and goes around telling people that I am not a good mother-in-law.
Sadly, my son believed.
I used to help them beat up their children for a while, and then I gave up because I really didn't like my daughter-in-law.
She considers herself to be very noble, but in my opinion, she is very low-level.
She felt that she was more noble than me because she was younger than me, who had seen the world before me, who was more educated than me; in addition, she also thought that my son loved to obey her, thought that she was superior to me, and never treated me as an elder.
Take the matter of taking children, it is certainly not possible to blindly raise children, certainly not to only condone and not criticize, otherwise a child like a blank piece of paper will be painted with the footnote of "no education".
Educating children should be strict and kind, of course, when they should be encouraged, but when they should be criticized, they should also be punished, otherwise, no matter what the child does, you encourage, there is no right or wrong in his world.
For example, children always talk in their voices, always turn on the TV sound to the maximum, this is definitely not right, must be corrected, otherwise in the future, when they grow up, doing so in public places, they will inevitably be said to be uncultured by no one; even in their own homes, do not consider whether to disturb the people, only care about their own pain, it is also a manifestation of uncultured.
For example, children go to other people's homes as guests, turn over boxes and cabinets without the consent of others, step on other people's sofas and beds with shoes, scribble on the white walls of other people's homes, open the door of other people's homes without permission, and steal things in their pockets.
Behind every uncultured child, there must be an uncultured father or mother. From this point of view, I correct the problem of the child, not only for the good of the child, but also for the good of the son and daughter-in-law, because I don't want others to say that they are not educated because their children are not educated.
Who expected my kindness to be understood by my daughter-in-law as malicious, she blamed me for being nosy, saying that I didn't know how to raise children at all, and that my set had long been outdated. Then he told me to roll, saying that the child would learn by following her, and that he would learn well by following her.
She said there was nothing wrong with her approach to educating her children, she said her children didn't have any problems either, and she said the people who said her children were uncultured were really uncultured.
She let me roll, why should I stay? I don't want to continue to work hard, I don't want my kindness to continue to be treated like a donkey liver lung.
What I didn't expect was that she was obviously going to drive me away, but she turned around and sued me in front of my son, saying that I was not a good mother-in-law and that I did not want to help with the child.
My son turned to me and asked me to continue to help them with the children.
I said that I was not obliged to help my daughter-in-law with the child, and whoever gave birth to it brought it: "I was kind enough to help, but she was all kind of contrarian." Since she thinks she's better than I can take the baby, she'll bring it herself, and I don't want to see her face. ”
My son was very angry and said to me, "My daughter-in-law is right, you are certainly not a good mother-in-law!" ”
I didn't explain anything more, he could say whatever he liked! Love thinks what you want! I'm old enough not to be a verbal altercation, and it's time for me to enjoy it. Although I don't quite agree with the phrase "children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren", but now, it can only be like this, I hope that the two of them will be good for themselves.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
It is common for parents to treat their children as baby eggs. However, parents who truly love their children will not tolerate encouragement like a baby egg when their children make mistakes, but will correct them.
A few days ago, a friend brought her child to my house, and the way she taught her children made me dare not compliment.
The child was outside the sofa, put her feet on the table, she did not stop; the child climbed on the back of the sofa, her feet were against the wall, she did not stop, I said no, she said the child; the child ran barefoot on the ground, ran and stepped on the sofa, she did not stop; the child took his hand on the wall and patted it, she did not stop; the child turned over my cabinet, making noise in the room, she did not stop.
When the child broke into my study without permission, she not only did not stop it, but also said something like this: "Go in, see if there is anything good, and take it for him!" ”
I asked her, "Is that how you usually educate your children?" ”
She said she was just joking that she had never treated her children as children, that her children could understand what was the opposite, that they would not really see what was wrong, and that was how her parents had taught her.
I didn't speak again, because it was useless, and her defense had already made it clear: she didn't think there was something wrong with her parenting, much less that her children had problems. I can imagine that if I had been more truthful, or if I had educated a child for her, she would have blamed me for being as knowledgeable as a child. Isn't that contradictory? While saying that children are never treated as children, they also say that children are not wrong in doing anything.
What I said, like the mother-in-law,was a reminder to those who are parents: Really don't blindly get used to children. Of course, young children should be spoiled, but if they have gone to school, they should not be blindly accustomed, otherwise the child has done something uncultured, others will not care like you, others will not only say that your child is not educated, but also say that you are not educated, even if you want good friends, they will be dissatisfied with you.
If you think you are noble, think that there is nothing wrong with the way you educate your children, that no one is qualified to question you, that you are just going to get used to heaven, then please continue. Whether it is right or wrong, the answer will soon be available.