Sometimes a casual sentence spoken by an adult may deeply hurt the child, but you don't know it.
If you don't obey any more, you won't be wanted
Verbal violence voting was launched in the circle of friends, and this sentence has the highest frequency!
On a sunny weekend, a group of children on the beach by the lake with shovels were having fun. A little girl was crying and chasing the direction of her parents, only to see the young mother holding a swaddle in her arms and shouting at the little girl: You are disobedient, we don't want you.
I was afraid after seeing it for a while! The introduction of the two-child and three-child policies has made this sentence more constantly staged in every family.
We control what the child can and cannot do with parental authority, forgetting that the child is an individual and has his own thoughts.
When you say this to your child from time to time, the child with a big heart will become accustomed to it, do not believe that you will abandon him, and of course will not believe other things you say, and lose trust in you.
The timid child has become a well-behaved child in your eyes because of the fear that you will abandon her, and when he grows up, he becomes a cowardly person, who has no opinion when things happen, and who is bullied.
For parents, neither of these situations is what we want.
You look at the children of other families
It's an inner volume era, we roll ourselves in the unit, go home roll baby!
Especially when the New Year's Festival family gathering, there are various volumes, how are the test results? How many Tang poems will you memorize? How many piano levels? How many taekwondo segments? ......
Then listen to other people's children, then look back at their own children, and say: You look at so-and-so, people are younger than you, and the pianos are over ten levels...
So, back home, report a few more training classes for the child, let yourself do some more part-time work, and send some chicken soup in the circle of friends by the way; for the sake of the child, no matter how tired it is, it is worth it...
The heart of loving children is something that every parent has, but in the end, he loves the excellence of his children more than he loves his children himself.
What else would you do besides playing
Pick up the IPAD, mobile phone to play the game with two eyes glowing, hands flying, flexible movements, as soon as you enter the playground, let go of yourself, do not go home until the door is closed. But when it comes to learning, it is like a full body crawling with fleas, either going to the toilet or the homework book cannot be found!
So I did not do homework mother Ci Zi filial piety, a homework chicken flying dog jumping scene after scene was staged.
Can you do something other than play with that sentence? It became our mantra!
Cute play is the nature of children, Mr. Lu Xun said: games are the most legitimate behavior of children, and toys are children's angels.
In fact, parents only need to use the kind and firm principles in "Positive Discipline" to formulate bounded game rules with their children before playing, so that children can enjoy the fun of playing and learn self-control and self-management.
Pigs are smarter than you, really stupid
We people naturally like to be praised, and children are even more so.
If someone calls you stupid every day! What do you feel when you're stupid and can't do anything well?
wrath! saddened! Want to compete with one...
This is verbal violence with a personal insult. While hurting a child's self-esteem, it will make the child label me as an idiot by nature.
I really regret that I gave birth to you in the first place
The damage this sentence to the child is devastating.
When you say this, the child's young heart will think, should I not come to this world, will think of myself as a superfluous person, a burden, and the psychological pressure is very large.
Burdened with such a psychological pressure, the child lives carefully and grows into a flattering personality, and the inferiority complex will accompany it for a lifetime.
Cry, cry, cry, cry again, get me out
Some children have glass hearts, a little thing, a casual word can make him cry non-stop, sometimes parents will be bored and will throw a sentence, and then cry to me out! Based on the coercion of the parents, the child endures tears and hides grievances.
At that time, it is not necessary, children use crying to attract your attention, but also use crying to vent their emotions, even adults need to cry from time to time to release pressure.
In the book "Brain Decompression Science", it has been experimentally proved that the decompression effect of crying is much better than the effect of laughter, and the author also gives a suggestion that it is to cry once a week.
So when the child cries, we should not be impatient and scold, nor should we worry about damaging the child's body and rush to satisfy, let the child cry as a killer, but let the child cry to the fullest, release his small emotions.
What's so scary about this, what a coward
At night, let the child go upstairs by himself, and the child always has a ghostly expression. In the face of school bullying, it is even more intolerable not to say, parents hate a coward who is not made of steel, and let the child's timidity and cowardice become more and more intense.
Parents' neglect and malicious criticism will only make children more negative and less confident, and brand themselves as losers, cowards, and incompetence in their hearts, and the impact of this harm is lifelong.
I'm your mom and dad, and you have to listen to me
I often listen to the old man: Do not listen to the old man, suffer losses in front of you. I've eaten more salt than you've ever eaten!
But the times are developing, can the conceptual experience of the older generation really keep up with this era? The answer is self-evident!
We scoffed at the old man's nagging, but turned around and copied it onto the child.
Always think that you are small and do not understand things, make various decisions for the child, and when facing the child's resistance, a sentence I am your mother (father) Will I still hurt you? Forced to make decisions for the child.
Slowly you will find that the child is always the opposite of us, you let him go east and he goes west! Have you ever wondered the root cause of your child's actions?
You don't understand anything
When a child is born into the world, he is full of curiosity and exploration of this world, and when you say that you don't understand anything and deny him everything, he will think in his heart that you can't see anything, and he doesn't understand my inner needs at all.
As the saying goes, freezing three feet is not a day's cold, long-term denial of children, parent-child relationship will have problems.
In the book "Every Child Should Be Seen", the author says: Everyone is not an island, needs to be seen and connected, especially children. Communication is only possible if it is seen.
See the child, respond to the child in time, cultivate the child's attachment relationship with you, and build a solid foundation for parenting.
Why do we say these words to our children? In fact, because our love for our children is not pure enough, love also adds quid pro quo.
So what is unconditional love? Teacher Fan Deng's book "Accompanying Children to Grow Up For Life" gives the answer: true love does not need to be exchanged.
A child is a seed, I don't know if it will grow into a small grass or a towering tree, but I believe that if you pour it with love, you will grow into the way you want it.
Talk well and let your child feel your unconditional love!