On the weekend, I went to my friend Xiao Tang's house as a guest, and I happened to run into her loud "educating" children:
"Quickly clean up the toys, you will know how to play all day long!"
"Eat well, don't grind it!"
"Didn't I tell you about this question last time, why is it still written incorrectly?"
Every word That Tang said to the child was tinged with a full reprimand, and the whole room was filled with a depressing atmosphere.
Under her constant oppression, the child buried his head, and his hands unnaturally grasped the clothes, appearing to be non-committal and depressed.
In fact, Xiao Tang is very approachable in life, and she also loves her children very much.
But as long as the child does not do a good job, she will change her face and even speak harshly.
Recently, she complained to me that the child is less and less like to talk, the grades have plummeted, and no matter how she tutors, it has no effect.
In life, we always oppose physical domestic violence, but we often ignore the lethality of verbal violence, which is more like an invisible knife, bloodthirsty and poking at the heart.
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This kind of invisible violence, the damage to the child's young mind, is far beyond our imagination.
The following 4 sentences, see how many you have hit. If parents say these things, be sure to pay attention.
01
You look at other people...
One father once shared his story with his children:
Once he tutored his son to do homework, and his son wrote very hard, and from time to time he deserted, and finally he couldn't help but yell at the child:
"You look at your classmate Xiao Li, you never need adults to worry about learning, the grades are still so good, and then look at yourself!"
Unexpectedly, the child slapped the table hard and said breathlessly:
"You know how to compare me with others, why don't you learn from his father, who is both knowledgeable and reasonable, unlike you, who shouts all day!"
He was stunned at that moment, and for a moment he was speechless.
The child's recoil made him can't help but fall into meditation: the original taste of being compared is so uncomfortable!
At that moment, he finally understood the child's feelings, and then he never compared the child with others.
Many parents think that using those "other people's children" to stimulate their children can make children aware of the gap between themselves and others, and then try to align themselves with others.
As everyone knows, when children are compared, they feel that their parents are not satisfied with and do not recognize themselves, so they are chilled.
Children who are often compared will also be accustomed to doing things according to the behaviors and standards of others, but they will not be able to recognize their own endowments and values.
If a child is compared to others by his parents in front of everyone, it is tantamount to a merciless humiliation for him.
Because, in the end, all children just want to be himself.
As a parent, don't deprive your child of the right to be himself in the name of love and the standards of others.
02
Just at your level, don't dream!
In the eyes of some parents, children sometimes talk more like bragging, not reliable at all.
When children excitedly describe their ambitions, they tend to pour cold water on them:
"Just by your level, don't dream!"
In fact, every child has a lot of wild dreams when he is a child, although he does not realize how far away he is from that goal.
At this time, parents should not easily laugh at a child's dream, but should fully support and provide conditions to help them find the mission hidden in the body.
Adele Farber, a famous American child educator, said:
"Never underestimate the impact your words have on a child's life."
Words blurted out by parents can ruin a child, and they can also make a child.
Remember, When Armstrong was a child, he always liked to say to his mother:
"Mom, I'm going to jump to the moon."
And his mom didn't hit him down with unrealistic ideas, just said:
"Well, it's just that you don't forget to jump back from the moon and go home for dinner!"
More than thirty years later, he really became the first person in human history to set foot on the moon.
In the Oscar film "When Happiness Knocks", the male protagonist Chris Gardner has always carefully cared for his son's dream.
On the basketball court, with the help of his son's love of basketball and his desire to become a professional basketball player, he told his son what kind of attitude he should have towards his dreams:
"Don't let people tell you that you can't be talented, even I can't."
"If you have a dream, guard it."
He demonstrated to his son not only in words but also in deeds: When he has a dream, he must bravely persevere.
Writer Zhou Guoping once said:
"When a child weaves beautiful dreams, don't correct him with the reality in your eyes."
Guarding children's dreams is the greatest respect that parents have for them.
Because, the mouth of the parents, determines their future path.
03
How do you do this...
When some parents are not accustomed to the problems of their children, they always like to negate their children with negative evaluations, thus stimulating their children's changes.
"Why are you so sloppy?"
"Why are you so disobedient?"
"How are you so stupid?"
"Why are you so wordy?"
As everyone knows, the more parents deny their children, the more they will let their children lose their inner introspection, awareness and growth, and even create a deep sense of shame and guilt in their hearts, thus missing a lifetime.
Because, they will receive a message from their parents' harsh accusations: You are not good enough, you are not worthy of my love.
Educator Zhou Hong once said:
"Even if everyone in the world looks down on your child, parents must tearfully appreciate him, hug him, and praise him." 」
The best love of parents for their children is not to make personal attacks, not to label their children at will, and to use praise and encouragement to leave blanks in his life.
For example, if the child has always behaved more restrained, you can tell the child:
"Listen to the teacher, you took the initiative to raise your hand to speak today, and you acted very positively.
For example, if the child's grades are not very good, you can guide him:
"Although the results of this exam are not ideal, it is great that you have written the answers to each question, indicating that you are already thinking seriously."
Learning to accept children's imperfections is a lifelong compulsory course for parents.
04
Cry again, I don't want you
I took my son to get vaccinated the other day and saw such a scene.
A three- or four-year-old boy, because of fear, kept crying and crying to leave when he was in line.
The child's mother was still whispering comfort and persuasion at first.
But the child always cried: "I don't want injections, I'm afraid!" ”
The expression on the mother's face became more and more anxious, and finally she couldn't bear it anymore and shouted at the child:
"Cry again, I don't want you!"
When the child heard this, he cried even harder, and the already noisy clinic became even more noisy.
My son whispered to me:
"Daddy, that aunt is terrible!"
As a parent, I fully understood the mother's irritability and embarrassment.
But a threatening "I don't want you anymore" can be deeply imprinted in a child's memory and become part of a nightmare.
It is no exaggeration to say that of all the verbal violence against children, this sentence is undoubtedly the most lethal.
Because, it destroys the child's wholehearted love and attachment to the parents.
A child's world is small, and for them, parents are always their only source of love and security.
But some parents often use threatening education in order to make their children obedient, and even lock their children in small black rooms and discipline their children in a similar method of abandonment.
Some education experts have clearly pointed out:
Children who have been in a threatening state for a long time will lack a sense of security, form a flattering personality and even lose themselves, which is seriously detrimental to the healthy development of children's physical and mental health.
Some people say that raising children tests the wisdom, cognition and pattern of parents.
Deeply. The gentleness and patience given to the child by the parents will be the source of the child's strength throughout life.
Write at the end
It has been said that the validity period for parents is short, only 10 years.
Maximizing the influence of parents in an effective time is responsible for the child's life.
Because education teaches not only credits, but also the cognition of life.
Children's childhood is only once, and if you do a little more now, you will have fewer regrets in the future.
Learn to speak well, learn to be a good parent, just like every child is trying to be a good child.
May every baby grow up in love and freedom, and bravely move towards their future in respect and recognition.
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Author: Red and Black Hearts
Source: Fish roe culture