"Roaring" is an emotional catharsis, not a fundamental solution to the problem.
"Roaring", such an educational method, is itself verbal violence, mixed with inequality.
Since having the second child, the boss has bitten the second son at every turn, said it many times, just did not listen, got angry and then roared.
Because the younger brother is still young, he can only rely on feeding, and the sister who is close to kindergarten also has to feed, and if she does not feed, she will not eat, and if she is angry, she must rely on yelling.
Grandparents live together, help with children, Bao Mom educates children, Grandma opens her mouth to talk about Bao Ma, can you not be loud, can you not talk well?
Whenever this familiar voice sounded, I knew that there was a quarrel in the house next door.
Can a child yell at the end? Why can't the child remember after the roar?
Was it young or was it done on purpose? Will children remember revenge when they grow up? What are the implications for the child's future? With these questions, let's talk to the mothers today.
The famous actor Xiao Tao Hong once shared in a show about how her daughter solved her mistakes.
When my daughter spilled the milk for the first time, she instinctively said to her, what is wrong with you, so careless.
The daughter was frightened at that time, afraid that he would scold her, and he also realized that he had frightened his daughter, and said that it was okay, and asked if there was any burn.
Later, the milk was spilled again, Xiao TaoHong did not scold, walked over and hugged her daughter and said, it doesn't matter, the daughter also quickly relaxed, and said that it is because of the slippery hand, next time will pay attention.
Children's young minds are very vulnerable to injury, and any rough and arbitrary approach to education is inappropriate.
The biggest enemy on the road to education is the roar of parents.
Children who are "often yelled at" and "not yelled at" have a gap in their lives.
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Should the child roar? Can you yell?
When I picked up the boss from school, I chatted with a few moms at the entrance of the kindergarten.
Joe's mother: Once helped her pack her paintbrush, she actually took the brush and scribbled on the sheet, told her not to draw, or scribble, I yelled, are you deaf? Tell you not to scribble and you have to scribble.
Perhaps frightened by my voice, he trembled and threw his paintbrush to the ground and ran straight away.
Xiao Wei's mother: My children are also so ignorant, before there was no child, I was originally very quiet, after having Xiao Wei, every day became Hedong lion roar.
Xiaoming's mother: The child is naughty, and I don't want to roar, but I have to listen to him once, and when he says it twice, he still listens to the wind in his ears, and I can't help it.
I then talked to them, and after yelling at the child, the psychological feelings, the answer was the same: regret, very regret.
Can you yell at your child? Science confirms: The impact is beyond your imagination, from the brain to the emotions.
1, become a "stupid child", may be caused by the parents.
Children who are often yelled at may have their brains injured and deformed.
Dr. Martin Taycher of Harvard Medical School once did a study on how much verbal violence against parents such as long-term yelling, reprimanding, insulting, threatening, etc. can hurt their children.
The results are shocking and regrettable.
In children who have been subjected to verbal violence for a long time, the size of the hippocampus (the key brain body for memory formation) and the corpus callosum is reduced.
The child's memory and reaction speed are significantly reduced, and the child's entire IQ is also directly affected, and the language comprehension ability is worse, the memory is worse, and the response is more sluggish.
And this effect is even more pronounced 10 years later, or even 20 years later.
When a child reaches adulthood, he may also cause mental illnesses such as depression, isolation, and anxiety.
It can be seen that the yelling of parents is a shadow that children cannot indelibly erase in their lives.
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Why can't the child remember after yelling? Was it too young or was it deliberate?
Once I saw such a message in the Bao Ma group: In the face of the daughter who reached out and wanted to hug, I was full of uneasiness and guilt, and I even felt that I was not worthy of this hug.
It turned out that the thing was this, this mother was holding a fire in her stomach when she was tutoring the boss with her homework, and at this time, the second brother ran to tell a story.
One day of work tired, the husband did not help, so he scolded the second elder, but also turned to give the boss a slap, the two babies were frightened, wow wow crying, the second brother cried while saying that the mother hugged.
Watching the two children cry, this mother was heartbroken, and regretted that she was too impulsive, understanding that the problem was not in the child, but she was angry with the child.
Yelling education has always been underweight, but in real life, no parent can do it without yelling at their children.
Maybe sometimes, parents feel that the child is still young, after yelling at the child, they will not remember revenge, as long as they coax her, they will soon forget.
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Will the child take revenge? Will you grow up to retaliate?
But is this really the case? Not.
Because of their dependence on their parents, no matter how their parents yell at themselves, their world is clean, their ideas are very simple, even so, they still will not approach their parents with any purpose, and they want to let their parents hug and comfort them.
Because they have long been accustomed to being yelled at, once the child is stimulated by the yelling, it will become numb, and finally feel that it does not matter, deliberately to arouse your attention and care.
Because they love you, so forgive you, children love their parents far more than we think, but they don't know how to express themselves.
Professor Li Weijin once said that the child's psychological sunshine growth is more important than intelligence, and I would rather the child be an ordinary happy teenager than a learning machine with psychological pressure.
So what is the difference between a child who is "often yelled at" and "not yelled at"? In contrast, all parents are sad.
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1. Inherit the scolding and carry out retaliation.
Parents are a child's first teacher, and a child's way of speaking and interpersonal communication patterns are very similar to those of his parents.
Parents often communicate with their children in a yelling manner, and children will learn this way, and after a little older age, they will be grumpy.
Giving back to his parents in this way of yelling makes the parent-child relationship more difficult to regulate, and this way will also affect his social interpersonal relationships as an adult.
2, lack of security, timidity, serious closure of themselves.
Recently watched a reality show "Super Nursery", which followed a mother and son, the child is unreasonable, and the mother is grumpy.
On the way to the supermarket, the child chirped and asked non-stop, and the mother shouted impatiently: Don't bother me.
After buying something, the child wants to hug, the mother is angry and says, how do I hold you with something?
Back home, the child playing with the car makes a harsh sound, the mother hysterically scolds, don't make a sound, I am the most noisy.
In order to let the mother experience the baby's inner feelings from the perspective of the child, the program team let her re-hear the sound of her yelling at the child.
As a result, the mother collapsed in an instant, she squatted down and covered her ears tightly, and kept telling the host that these sounds made her afraid.
Adults still can't accept it, let alone children?
Children are often yelled at, it is easy for children to have psychological fear, not recognized by parents, in the future child's growth process, will only make children more and more timid, but also become silent, lonely, closed themselves, play with other children, become more inferior.
3, children who are not often yelled at, the lovers will be higher.
Yelling and yelling can stop their child's misconduct as quickly as possible, but the damage to the child's heart is permanent.
Those children who are not often yelled at, under the influence of their parents' way of doing things, will also think in a different position, know how to stand on the opposite side of the problem, handle interpersonal relationships with ease, and it is easier to form a good career partnership with classmates and colleagues.
4, children who are not often yelled at, more creative.
Behind each child's behavior, there is a corresponding motivation.
Children like to take a paintbrush to scribble, she is actually interested in color, see the anime of the TV, want to learn to draw down, only when the mood is happy, can be imaginative, the head is open.
The purpose of the parents yelling at the child is to stop the child's misconduct, but at the same time, the child is very unhappy and disappointed, interrupting her desire to draw, and over time, she may not be interested in the brush.
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Someone once asked: What is the experience of having a grumpy parent?
A lot of the answers are heartbreaking.
"Ignore him and fight violence with violence."
"If you want to jump off the building, you even have a dead heart in your heart."
"I don't want to think back to my childhood, because that time cultivated my sensitive, indecisive and non-talkative personality."
When a child makes a mistake, the parent's anger can only be worse, and the symptoms are not cured.
Dr. Montessori said that every character defect is caused by some kind of mistreatment experienced in early childhood.
Language can be positive or negative, and for parents, yelling is only a matter of seconds, and for children, the harm can last a lifetime.
Parenthood is a lifelong practice, learning to grow up with your child, closing your eyes before you lose your temper, taking a deep breath for a second, and maybe not being so angry.
If you yell at your child, don't forget to comfort her, after all, you're the only one in her world.
You can hug him and tell him at the right time that parents are also very hard, as a child is also a member of the family, if obedient, it is to help parents and mothers.