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What does a toxic family of origin look like? Parents are the child's original family, parents are what kind of native family is what it is, the parents' mentality, emotions, and behaviors determine the atmosphere of the original family, and the children are affected by these things.
A good original family affects all aspects of the child, and a bad original family also affects all aspects of the child, so after the child becomes a talented parent can say that this is the family cultivation, the child is not successful can not say that it has nothing to do with the family.
These kinds of toxic native families, have you encountered? Some should change it, and if they don't, they should avoid the pit, try to change themselves, starting from me, and don't hurt their next generation anymore.
01 Emotionally bad parents
Bad emotions are unable to control emotions, although many parents with bad emotions have been victims themselves, and many of them may also be hurt by the original family, so they have become twisted and depressed, and they have changed their inner grievances in the new family after getting married and changing the environment, but their practice has really hurt many innocent people and harmed a whole family!
The problems of the original family cannot be solved, causing the problem to develop downwards and be brought into the new small family, and the victim becomes the perpetrator, so vicious circle that if you cannot realize your problem, you will never be able to solve it.
Of course, many emotionally ill parents are unaware of their problems, and they would even rather let the next generation endure their mistakes than correct themselves, because it is difficult to correct themselves!
They just want to vent their emotions as much as they want, anyway, if they are comfortable venting, they will not be so painful, it may not be the turn of the next generation to suffer, what should the next generation of people who have not vented do? Bear with me, get married and have my own children and then vent my emotions to my own children!
Parents with bad emotions tend to create a very depressed family environment, and children growing up in such a family environment will become very depressed.
02 Verbally violent parents
Few poor families know what language violence is called, but they often verbal violence against their families and children, and they have a very ridiculous logic: You are my child, I scold you, if others I do not care about you? Scolding you is educating you, you are not a good villain.
After telling you this ridiculous truth, the next thing is their lingua franca for cursing people: waste, garbage, how did you give birth to such a thing... Awesome, right?
Verbal violence parents rationalize scolding people, scolding people is education, vicious language is unbearable, saying that it is educating you, meaning that you are tempered into a devil? When the child grows up, will the parents feel very happy about the verbal violence of the parents? Maybe they will say that the reason why children have become like this is because of our gift.
Often parents who are verbally violent are also the most unable to stand the verbal violence of others, because their psychology is also easily injured and unhealthy.
03 Manipulative parents
Everything I do is for your own good, you have to listen to me in everything, if you don't listen to me, you are not filial piety, and you can't survive if you don't listen to me...
This is what manipulative parents often say to their children, they have always been PUA children, in order to manipulate their children, constantly hit the child's self-confidence, let the child feel that he is a waste, can not do anything without his parents, and cannot survive without listening to his parents.
However, such parents are often unable to really make decisions and arrangements for their children, and if they can really make decisions and arrangements for their children, they will not bother to use their mouths to morally kidnap children.
Why should they manipulate their children? It is nothing more than wanting the child to achieve the wish for them, but they do not believe in the child's ability, they think that they have some life experience, they think that the child must listen to what they say and do, otherwise the child will not be able to achieve the wish for them.
They have no resources for their children, they have to let the children fight for everything, and they want the children to listen to them, the children don't even have the initiative, in the eyes of the manipulated children, the parents are the ceiling, the children feel that they are waste, what confidence to compete with others?
04 Alcoholic parents
The life of alcoholic parents is actually a failure, they always use alcohol to anesthetize their own dissatisfaction, what family A, children A in their eyes is a bunch of trouble, home is where they vent their temper, children are also their pumps.
In reality, some parents are like this, alcoholics, with the strength of alcohol can smash the home, into a family can not bear the responsibility and failure of life to drink and gas, without a little responsibility.
05 Missing parents
The performance of missing parents is indifference, indifference to children, and inability to give children a trace of love and warmth. Children grow up in such a family is very loveless, do not know how to love others, will not share with others, indifferent and eager to be loved, selfish and eager for someone to love themselves selflessly, they hate themselves and can not change themselves.
Missing parents create a cold and heartless ice cave for their children's childhood, so that indifference penetrates deep into the marrow of their children, and it is difficult to feel the warmth of others when they grow up.
06 Conclusion
The toxic original family is a pit, it is a very deep pit, the child uses his own efforts to dig it out is already precious, and he can't climb out to continue to pit his next generation!
If we encounter a toxic family of origin, although we have suffered a lot of harm in such a family, we must have self-knowledge that the harm given to us by the original family cannot stop from us, and we cannot let the harm of the original family harm our next generation. We must change ourselves, learn to improve ourselves, for the original family, we should also take its essence, remove its dross, and hand over a positive, optimistic and upward outlook on life to our next generation.