√ excellent parenting companionship – often similar,
For example: understanding and support, communication and care, sense of order and tolerance, emotional stability of parent members;
X Toxic parenting styles – often hidden in our mental inertia, parents should be vigilant.
Today, let's talk about 6 kinds of words and deeds that are harmful to children's mental health and growth.
The first:
Overprotective, or ignoring apathy
1.1 Worry that the child is small, will be frustrated, hurt, do not let the child experience any failure,
Parents behave as helicopter parents, checking or doing things for their children in every detail;
It seems to protect the child, but the child loses a lot of exercise opportunities,
For example, sharing housework, getting along with people, dealing with contradictions, facing failure, etc.;
These life survival skills are very important for future adaptation to social survival.
In addition, excessive protection may also bring anxiety to children or loss of independence,
Affects the building of a child's self-confidence.
1.2 Unlike parents who have a strong desire for control and no sense of boundaries, neglective parents cannot see their children in their eyes, and completely disregard the needs of their children's physiology, learning exploration, and psychological security;
Parents often take care of themselves to brush dramas, brush mobile phones, online games, etc., and feel that children are noisy, and children's growth needs are not met;
Due to long-term neglect, children's psychological, emotional, and social needs are ignored.
Children are also often insecure, and they feel very far away from their parents.
Therefore, even if parents who are busy at work can take out 0.5 to 1 hour of high-quality companionship every day, it is enough to focus on interacting with their children when accompanying.
The second type:
Strong desire for control, unreasonable expectations and excessive harshness
2.1 Want to control the child, make all decisions for the child, and do not consider the child's feelings or thoughts at all.
For example, making decisions for children from an early age, without considering the child's characteristics, hobbies, and abilities.
It is necessary to make the child a top student or engage in a career that the parents think is promising.
Such parents will force their children to "fight", which is called "for your own good";
And they will also think that they have given a lot and sacrificed a lot.
Children are forced by their parents to "fight", and their academic performance may indeed be better;
However, the process of being forced and controlled may be full of anxiety and depression for children, and even have a feeling of suffocation.
In case of a stretch, it can be a tragedy.
Parents lead by example, usually positive and hard working, and their advantages can affect their children to actively explore and learn independently.
2.2 Good education is to inspire children to learn spontaneously and spontaneously.
As parents, when we feel that it is good for our children, we must remember to ask ourselves:
- If I were a child and was asked to do so, would I feel comfortable?
If we find ourselves uncomfortable, it is best not to force our children to do it.
2.3 Looking forward to the son into a dragon, looking at the woman into a phoenix, the common sentiment of people.
However, no matter how good the wish is, it must also be combined with reality.
Give your child unrealistic expectations that will not be met no matter how hard the child tries.
Excessive expectations may put too much pressure on the child in the long run, causing the child to be frustrated and inferior.
The third kind:
Can't tell if you're directing criticism or verbal violence?
Some parents, although they seem to love their children on the surface, often speak hurtfully.
Verbally attacking and hurting children, damaging children's self-esteem and self-confidence.
A netizen shared:
@A netizens: What has experienced the most collapse is that my mother always suppresses my figure, I am fat a little bit and say that you are really fat, no one wants, too ugly don't eat, and so on.
In fact, this is an example of verbal violence, which the mother calls "exercising your ability to resist stress."
Verbal violence, in essence, may be another form of child abuse.
Words have a great role in shaping a child's subconscious and future personality.
Before we preach, reflect on "How will I feel when someone says this to me?" ”
Fourth:
No sense of boundaries, constant complaining and nagging
Even if the child is not small, he still feels that the child's words and deeds need to be under his own eyes.
Treating children as their own personal belongings, without boundaries, without respect for privacy.
In the long run, it will only force the child to stay away, lie, and hide.
Raising children is indeed not easy and hard;
Remember not to repeat, repeatedly complain and nag, and tell hard in front of your child.
Let your child perceive it at the right time and occasion.
Excessive preaching may make children feel irritable and anxious,
I feel that I have done something wrong or because of my own existence, which has caused my parents to be so tired, causing greater psychological pressure on my children.
Fifth:
Compare and compare
Always compare your own children with other children, or between siblings.
Unnecessary comparisons can only bring anxiety and stress, and may also lead to children's inferiority, feeling that they are worthless, or full of indignation.
Every child has his/her unique and excellent side, and parents should be good at appreciating and discovering.
Sixth:
Words are not believed
Trust between children and parents is important and is at the heart of parent-child education.
Even if it is a child, we must be honest and keep the covenant,
For example, if you promise your child to go to an amusement park or zoo, you must honor the agreement.
Don't just agree with your child and then don't do it.
Over time, children may lose trust in their parents.
Some parents may feel that these are all used by older children,
Now the child is still young, and then the child will learn slowly when he is older.
Not really; parenting is cumulative and subtle.
Some bad parenting styles will appear at all ages, but in different forms.
For example, when making a big meal, some parents will think hard and move themselves to a mess;
When it is done, I am full of expectations that the child will be swept away;
As a result, the child did not "appreciate it", so he felt angry and indignant, making the whole family unhappy.
In fact, you forget that your core problem is to make your children happy and eat nutritious and healthy foods, not just to bask in yourself.
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