Once I followed my mom to a dinner party at their unit. There were several children who came that day, and when they met, they would greet the people present with a milky voice, except for one little girl.
The little girl is cute and just doesn't talk much. When I greeted her, I hid behind my family one by one. Her mother probably felt embarrassed, and while dragging her in front of people, she said: "This child is like this, afraid of people, does not like to talk, and does not show up!" ”
The little girl who was pushed in front of the person, her face was flushed, and she pulled the corner of her clothes vigorously, but she just bowed her head and did not speak. Everyone couldn't bear it, and they all laughed and said, "Little children, it's normal." "Is it normal? Excessive fear of people and shyness may be a strong feeling of inferiority hidden in the depths of the heart.
Nowadays, inferiority has become a common psychological obstacle in children, because of inferiority, children are timid, sensitive, unconfident, and lack of personality. However, children's inferiority is often caused by their parents!
Language is the most direct harm to children
"How can you be so stupid? How many times have you taught it and still can't remember! ”
"I've never seen such a disobedient child as you!"
"You're so annoying! Can you be quiet? ”
Think about it, have we parents ever said such a thing to our children? Sometimes, we recklessly inflict verbal violence on our children, and the words are spit out quickly, but the harm comes.
The child's heart is fragile, and when he is not able to face the bloody rain and wind of life, he has withstood the storm in the harbor of his home. The child does not know how tired the parents are from their daily work, he only knows that the father who says he is stupid has a look of disgust; the child does not know how busy his parents are every day, he only knows that the mother who says he is very annoyed has a tired face. From then on, the child will feel really stupid and annoying, because that's what the parents say.
Parents are the most trusted people in their children, accepting all messages from their parents unconditionally, including negative ones. Children who are often under verbal violence will doubt their own abilities and values, and will constantly deny themselves, "Mom and Dad think I can't do it, how can I do it well?" Over time, the child no longer has self-confidence, he is like a frightened bird, trembling, deep in the strange circle of inferiority.
Many times, verbal violence by parents causes more harm than hitting their children with their hands.
Children with low self-esteem, luck will not be too good
Inferiority is a kind of personality defect, especially for children, inferiority psychology will have a negative impact on the physical and mental health of children, which is not conducive to the growth of children, but also will affect the future of children.
Children should have a happy childhood, worry-free and happy growth, but once there is an inferiority complex, children will often be depressed for no reason, depressed, dare not deal with others, and even normal friends are afraid, and regard the living people as "flood beasts". Because I feel that I am not good at anything, I can only hide in the corner alone, envy others, desire friends, but often think, "I can't do anything well, how can anyone like it?" ”
The child has an improper evaluation of himself early, and he will always think that he is the worst one. Not good looking, not beautifully dressed, not good enough to study... A child with low self-esteem likes to bind himself up, he does not dare to contact new people and things, he is afraid of being compared, he is afraid that people around him will come to laugh at him and say that he really can't.
After growing up, his inferiority made him dare not face life alone, in front of people, he did not dare to look up, in the face of opportunities, he did not dare to fight. He guarded the inferior self, living carefully, incomparably hard.
Inferiority psychology can not be ignored, as parents, we all hope that the child's life's road is better, and then better, we are exhausted for the child, only want him to become better. Therefore, once the problem of inferiority is found in the child, parents should help the child get out of the strange circle of self-denial in time.
If you want your child to get out of inferiority and become confident, parents only need to do a few small things!
1. Teach children to develop good habits of reading
Teach your child to develop the good habit of reading. Books are the most patient, the most patient, and the most enjoyable companions. Reading allows children to find comfort in books, and in the same way, reading allows children to become "bright-eyed", discover themselves, find new ways to see the world, no longer afraid to face, and become brave and confident.
2. Help your child recognize themselves
The first step in allowing a child to recognize himself is to tell him to recognize his appearance. A lot of unconfidence comes from looks. Seriously tell him that he is fine. Even if he doesn't have big eyes, his eyes are bright and bright, and everyone has their own unique beauty.
3. Praise your child at the right time
Praise is different from blind praise, in the process of getting along with children, parents should find specific reasons to praise, praise and encourage children through every little thing, so that children can increase self-confidence and get rid of inferiority in a little bit.
4. Refuse to compare
The most feared thing for children with low self-esteem is that their parents compare others with themselves, which will make children more and more have a "I can't do it, I'm just stupid" idea. Without contrast, there is no harm.
5. Learn to respect your child's opinions
When faced with choices, children will have their own opinions, when he puts forward his own opinions, parents must not blindly deny and ignore, which will make children lose confidence because they are not valued. Parents should learn to respect their children's inner thoughts, listen carefully to their children's voices, and learn to get along with their children on an equal footing.
6. Patiently answer your child's questions
Many times, after a day of work, we come home and are pestered by the children. At this time, you must not be impatient, oh, the child is full of curiosity about life, if you do not have the patience to listen, feel that the child is annoyed, the child may be afraid to communicate with you. Of course, if you can't answer, tell your child honestly, let him know that people have things they can't do, believe in themselves, and increase self-confidence.
7. Let children play to their strengths
Everyone has their own strengths, parents should be good at discovering their children's strengths, and help children play their strengths, so that children can see the shining points in themselves. You must not force your child to do something he is not good at, which will make him even less confident.
8. Actively guide children to face setbacks
Setbacks are often the easiest for children to fall into the abyss of inferiority, when children encounter setbacks, parents should encourage children to face setbacks, setbacks are not terrible, and children analyze problems together to help children find solutions. Eat a grain, grow a wisdom, encourage the child to overcome setbacks, learn lessons, and regain his self-confidence.
Parents are the best companions for children and the best teachers for children. If we want our children to have a bright future, we have to pay more for the growth of our children. Children in the process of growing up problems, encounter trouble, this is really not terrible at all, we are the child's guide, we can calm down, serious analysis, to help children through the growth period of difficulties. Create a better tomorrow with children with love and patience!