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Man and Eternity: "It is fortunate to be understood, but it is not necessarily unfortunate not to be understood." A person who places his value entirely on the understanding of others is often worthless. ”
People have a "seek recognition" mentality and tend to think that being recognized is a good thing. But because there are differences between people, although they all desire to be recognized, the differences between them often lead to disapproval.
If you don't agree with others, you won't understand others; others won't understand you if they don't agree with you. Not being understood may make you uncomfortable, but it really isn't necessarily a bad thing, because from an interpersonal point of view, it's a screening process, and after screening, you can stay in a circle of identity.
If you don't understand this truth, just look for recognition, meet people who don't understand themselves, and have to find a way to make people understand, and only want to pin their own value on the understanding of others, they will only become vassals of others, of course, there is no value to speak of.
Emotional relationships are one of the most common types of relationships, and the same follows the above principles. If you are not understood and are bent on going your own way, if you insist on basing your value on the understanding of the other party, you will only lose yourself.
The following woman's experience can illustrate the above problem, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I would like to ask, in a relationship, what kind of person is worthy of a man's "kneeling lick"?
I don't understand this question, I just know that I am not someone worthy of his kneeling licking for my husband, otherwise he would not have betrayed me and would not have gotten involved with others.
Once we also had the experience of falling in love, but because I only talked about love once, I don't understand what kind of state two people who really love each other should be, but I personally feel that we love each other, and I feel that with such an emotional foundation, we can get married, and we can last forever.
After getting married, I found that it was not so simple, after marriage, almost all around the chai rice oil and salt, plus a lot of trivial matters in the in-laws, although I can feel that the feelings between us are slowly fading, but because of the lack of skills, there is no multi-management, thinking that maybe all marriages are in this state.
When we weren't apart, everything was fine. Since his business trip, there have been more and more abnormal things.
When he first went outside, he would call me every day. I called him, three times out of five no one answered, and when I asked him later, he said busy, and every time it was an excuse.
Although I doubted him, because I had no evidence and it was not good to talk casually, I could only pray that those bad things would not happen to me, thinking that he would be fine when he returned from a business trip.
However, when he returned home after a six-month business trip, he gave me not a gift, but a signed divorce agreement.
While the content of the divorce agreement was in my favor, the divorce was not the outcome I wanted.
I disagreed, and informed both parents in time, although under the criticism of my mother-in-law, he did not insist on divorce, but the attitude was obviously not voluntary, I was cold to me, always avoided me, secretly chatted with others.
I always have to figure out what's going on, right? Since the only evidence I could think of was a cell phone, how could I resist not looking at his phone?
As a result, just because I looked at his phone, discovered his secret, saw him kneeling and licking someone else, he once again filed for divorce, this time with a handle, turned over and said that I flipped through his phone, and after deleting his chat history with others, he denied what he had done, and told my mother-in-law that everything I said was a fact that I had made up myself.
Why is that? I'm his wife, isn't it better than anyone else? Why would he rather go to his knees and lick others than love his wife?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Judging from the last questions the woman asked, it is not difficult to find that she has such a concept in her heart: in the eyes of men, the wife should be the most important; when a man is married, he should consciously keep a distance from other members of the opposite sex.
Although these concepts are the basic requirements of marriage for the parties, not all of them agree with such concepts. You understand this way, but he understands like that, there will always be a mismatch between you, and the more you ask the other party to understand you, the more you base your value on the other person's understanding.
If you think that the other person doesn't understand you, you lose value, which is really sad! Your value should not be defined in this way!
It's normal that the person you love doesn't love you. However, after attaching the relationship between husband and wife, people often cannot accept that their other half does not love themselves. But peeling off the cloak of marriage to see, the relationship between husband and wife is no different from the relationship between lovers and the relationship between the opposite sex, love is love, no love is no love, and it is useless to force it.
If two people really can't love each other, you want to go west, and you want to let the other person go west, but the other party is biased to the east, there is really no need to continue. In the case of children or other factors involving each other, it may be possible to consider otherwise; but if there is no such entanglement, it is better to separate as soon as possible, otherwise they will only torture each other, and no one can think about it.
As for what kind of person is worthy of men's kneeling and licking, the question is inconclusive, because people are different from people, and different people have different understandings. Everyone has their own standards, and he will only go to his knees and lick the people he thinks are worth kneeling to lick. If you voluntarily change for him, of course, you can, but if you don't want to, it's better to be yourself.