Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi)
Life is everywhere education, accompanying children on the road to growth, can not lack the vision and wisdom of parents.
Especially boys, born "difficult to regulate", how to give him the best love and education at the right time is the subject of every boy's family!
When the mother of the two sons has been stepping on many pits in education for so many years, I deeply feel that if you want to cultivate an excellent boy, you must pay attention to the following problems:
01
Three don't
1, do not coddle boys
The circle of friends circulated such a screenshot:
A second-grade boy who never does housework at home, his mother contacted the teacher and asked not to arrange for him to do hygiene.
Whether this is love or harm is self-evident.
Parents of many boys' families always feel that "doing housework is a girl's business", and they are accustomed to doing everything and not letting their sons touch anything.
As a result, children will not wear clothes in kindergarten, primary schools will not peel eggs, middle schools will not tie shoelaces, universities will not fold sheets...
Even when he enters the society, he wants others to let him and refuse all the work that makes him feel hard and tired.
Doing so will not make him better, but will cause him to be rejected by more people because he does not adapt to the social environment.
Like the 29-year-old "nibbling old man" Xiao Kuang who sued his parents, he was spoiled and habitual from an early age, and everything was taken care of.
When he grew up, he had no intention of working, so he asked his parents to continue to raise him until he was old, and if he did not agree, he took his parents to court.
Behind such a farce, it reflects the parents' doting on their children.
Educator Makarenko said:
"Everything to the child, sacrificing everything, even sacrificing one's own happiness, this is the most terrible gift that parents give to their children."
I thought that raising a child to prevent old age, blindly protecting my son, and constantly satisfying him.
Unexpectedly, it fueled his selfishness, laziness and lack of ambition, ruining the rest of his life.
Coddling is not love at all; a coddled boy will only become a giant baby who does not grow up.
2) Don't compare boys to others
The 13-year-old Wenwen has a cowardly personality, does not have the courage that a boy should have, and always likes to hide when he is a group.
Named by the teacher, he was so nervous that he could not speak.
It wasn't until I met Wenwen's mother that I knew that the problem was in my mother's education.
Mom is very strong, and she has high expectations for Wenwen.
Every time Wenwen performs badly, I always like to say "you look at others", hoping that a radical Text can change itself.
The more this comparison, the less confident Wen Wen is, the more he dares not express his thoughts in front of people, and he likes to escape when things happen.
Psychology shows that boys care more about external evaluations than girls, and are better at heart.
Once the outside world evaluates him as "you are inferior to others", he is hit harder and more immeasurable.
Even if it is a casual comparison between parents, sensitive boys can easily internalize their own self-identification.
Before Sun Li shared an abnormal performance of his son and so on social platforms.
At that time, I was unhappy for a long time, and everyone didn't know it. It wasn't until I met a professional teacher that I suddenly realized:
It turns out that children care about "comparison", it is difficult to hear the love and intentions behind their parents, and all that comes to mind is "I am not good" and "I am not worth it".
Many times, parents do not deliberately want to tease the boy, or to discourage his confidence.
Just comparing him with others, he will have a deep sense of denial, and it will be difficult for him to build up self-confidence and raise his head in front of others.
3, do not underestimate the lethality of neglect
Saw a 4-year-old boy online.
Because the father and grandmother gathered around the crying sister, the face showed a look of grievance.
A small neglect caused him great irritation, and he was so angry that he threw his small hand and buried his head in his arm.
I believe that at that moment, the thing he longed for most was that everyone could turn their heads to look at him and try to coax his sister to comfort his mood.
It's not that he wants to compete for favors, it's just his truest reaction.
Don't look at the boy who usually has a big grin and thick lines, in fact, he is easily overlooked after producing an unbalanced psychology.
If it is serious, it will affect his personality and have more emotional problems.
In the hit drama "In the Name of Family", Xueba Lingxiao has always been an invisible person in his mother's eyes.
In front of him, he quarreled and fought with his husband, and constantly scolded him for killing his sister.
Never think about what he would think when he went through all this and what he would think when he heard these words.
Sure enough, Ling Xiao, who was habitually ignored by her mother, later suffered from depression and it was difficult to get rid of negative emotions.
Psychologist Harlow once said: "Children who lack emotional response from an early age are extremely prone to huge psychological obstacles in adulthood." ”
Ignoring the needs of the boy, always "invisible" to him, such a hazard, once the outbreak of the consequences are unimaginable.
02
Three points
1, to sharpen his toughness
A 10-year-old boy in Henan province was exposed to running last year under the influence of his father during the epidemic.
Subsequently, with the encouragement and companionship of his parents, he insisted on running every day, rain or shine.
Sometimes even dragging the tire for several kilometers, not shouting tiredness or bitterness, and enjoying the fun when sweating.
And his results were not affected at all, and even the middle school entrance examination sports also reached the full score.
Seeing the full energy he exudes, it is not difficult to predict the future he can expect.
Earlier, Angela Duckworth, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, said in her speech:
Whether a child can succeed in the future, the quality of perseverance plays an important role.
A homeroom teacher who has been teaching in junior high schools for more than 20 years often shares that today's children, especially boys, look tall and powerful on the surface.
But as soon as something happens, it is instigated, can't bear the pain, can't stand the tiredness, gives up a little problem, or stagnates.
Only those children whose parents often accompany and dare to let go of a hand are the most responsible and trustworthy when the problem comes.
A father in Zhejiang, when he learned that his son wanted to buy a jersey, considered that his son always liked to buy this and buy that, he had a plan:
Suggested that my son go to the street to pick up bottles and change money to buy jerseys.
It was an experience like never before for my son.
But out of a thirst for a jersey, my son agreed and used his spare time to pick up two or three days.
Although one night, when the son picked up the bottle, he met the female classmates in the class who were embarrassed, but the father always felt:
It is not easy for my son to know that it is not easy to make money, and it is not the same to know that it is different to make money on his own.
After reading this news, I silently gave a big thumbs up for dad's guidance.
Indeed, if a boy is to be truly a man, parents must learn to believe in him.
Let him challenge the limits, give him more opportunities to exercise, sharpen his willpower, and finally break through the difficulties in the arena.
2. Respect and give him a chance to speak
I have always admired the parenting expert Li Yue'er's approach to educating "bear children" Chi Yiyang.
When all the children and parents complained to her about Chi Yiyang's violence, unreasonableness, and unruliness, what she saw was the leadership temperament behind Chi Yiyang's behavior.
Even if everyone only sees the child's problem, she chooses to respect Chi Yiyang and give him the opportunity to express it.
Soon, Chi Yiyang, who gained a sense of identity and self-confidence from the teacher, gave full play to his personality advantages, and "led" everyone to raise the national flag and play games.
The American writer Emerson Agridge said:
"If you can only give your son one thing, give him respect."
Maybe he is mischievous and always does things according to common sense, which makes his parents feel a headache.
But respecting him and giving him enough voice initiative is the most critical step to change him and achieve him.
3) Give him enough patience
I have heard the parents of many boys' families complain: "My son is slow to do anything, his temper is still very big, he can't say it, he can't scold." ”
In fact, it has to do with the way boys think and act.
His thinking is straight, the speed of processing information is relatively slow, the hand is faster than the mouth, and the self-control is not strong.
Since the boy is impatient, his parents should give him more patience, a little guidance, and slowly shape him.
Just like this foreign mother, when her son sat in the driver's seat, casually threw garbage out of the car window, frightened small animals, and ran around the mall, she was patient and seriously told her son: "No."
The whole process, there is not a loud scolding, nor any rough movements.
Under the guidance of his mother's kindness and firmness, the boy realized the problem and took the initiative to admit his mistake and actively correct his behavior.
Many times, the boy's willfulness, rebellion, and procrastination are not difficult for him to discipline, it may be that he lacks self-control.
At this time, the most powerful discipline is to guide him gently and firmly, patiently waiting for him to grow slowly.
03
Steve Bidalph, a prominent Expert on Family Issues in Australia, said:
"Boys grow into strong, responsible men who need strong, friendly leaders;
Parents should raise the sails of life for the boy and start their own wonderful life voyage. ”
There are boys in the family, do not ignore the unique nature and growth trajectory of boys.
Always do this "three wants and three don'ts" in the right way, accept him, guide him, and love him to the end.
Only if the "soil" that nurtures him has enough nutrients and gives him enough sunshine and rain and dew, he will be able to calm down and bloom the most beautiful light.
Pay attention to the video number of old Xue's whole brain early education
This article is reproduced in Uncle Kai's Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi), which unites 40 million families, brings good hope to parents, and allows more children to have a happy childhood.