What exactly is a healthy relationship between parents and children?
From the perspective of moral reason, with the sentence "You raise me small, I raise you old, you accompany me to grow up, I accompany you to grow old" can be summed up, parents work hard for their children, raise children to adulthood, and when children grow up, they will return to their parents equally materially and emotionally;
From a legal point of view, parents and children have rights and obligations to each other because of specific relationships, parents are the guardians of minor children, and they have the obligation to raise, educate and protect minor children, and adult children also have the obligation to support, support and protect their parents.
But the role of "guardian" is not so good to play.
Ms. Jiang of Hunan was once very worried about her daughter, her daughter is no longer a child, as a highly educated student, after graduation, she should go into social work to live independently, but she hid at home all day without going out, locked herself in a room unwilling to communicate with her parents, and directly lay flat.
What worries Ms. Jiang even more is that her daughter's life is abnormal, day and night are reversed, not even the basic face washing and teeth brushing every day will not be done, and when the stomach is hungry, she will find something to eat, and she does not care whether the food is cold or hot;
No matter how she talked to her reasonably, she would not react; in order to avoid contact with her family, her daughter even used the basin in the room to solve the problem.
Ms. Jiang said that in just one year, her daughter had gained 40 pounds because of this strange lifestyle, and her face and body were completely different from the past, and she was very worried that her daughter would completely become a mental illness and had to ask the mediator for help.
On the surface, Ms. Jiang's daughter is very ignorant, and the self-reliant age is staying at home and eating the old, not going out to support herself by her own labor, but after the mediator came to the door, she found that there was a deeper problem between the mother and daughter, and in the process of raising her daughter as an adult, Ms. Jiang, the guardian, also had a dereliction of duty.
Ms. Jiang's daughter is called Wenwen (pseudonym), Wenwen looked very cute when she was a child, love to laugh and love to play, when the mediator came to the door, Ms. Jiang took out Wenwen's previous photos, the wenwen in the photo was indeed the same as the Wenwen judgment in front of her, she smiled very sweetly, permeated with the breath of youth and vitality, and "dead breath" did not have anything to do with it; and she was very smart, and her grades in reading had been very good.
But when Ms. Jiang asked for help, Wenwen looked a little bit of youthful vitality, she hid in her room, her mother called her out, she did not move, the mediator tried to communicate with her, but also failed, Wenwen seemed to want to have normal communication with anyone at all.
Ms. Jiang said that in more than a year, she has never successfully opened up to Wenwen, and every time she talks to Wenwen, Wenwen's attitude is very bad, either silent, or hysterical, and sometimes even beats people to avoid her.
The mediator saw that Wen Wen's room was full of garbage and debris, looking dirty and messy, and there was a smell, and Wen Wen curled up on the bed without moving, looking a little sluggish.
Ms. Jiang sighed when she saw the situation, she said, Wenwen's current life is the walking dead, she does not take the initiative to wash and change clothes, she will not call her mother when she is thirsty and hungry, she will find some leftovers and fruits at home, she will get up in the evening every day, and she will come out to do activities at night when everyone sleeps, I am afraid that it is difficult for her to accept and chat with strangers.
The mediator doubted whether Wenwen had a mental illness, asked Ms. Jiang wenwen what happened before wenwen became like this, Ms. Jiang swallowed, only to say that after her daughter finished her studies, she obeyed her parents' will to do a job, who knew that there was a conflict with her colleagues, and she resigned after only doing more than 1 month of work, and then returned home and did not want to go out again, becoming the appearance of this person who is not a ghost.
With the efforts of the mediator, she was finally able to communicate with Wenwen alone, Wenwen's answer was very slow, but as long as she mentioned that she was related to her mother, she would be very excited, at the same time, she was not willing to look in the mirror to see what she was now, and when asked if she wanted to change back to the past, she hid her face and cried even more, in order to help the young girl return to normal, the mediator decided to take her to psychological counseling.
The doctor concluded that Wenwen suffered from depression and had been for a long time and needed to take medicine to cooperate with treatment. At this time, Ms. Jiang's reaction made the mediator feel very puzzling, Ms. Jiang said that she did not want her daughter to take medicine, her daughter was only temporarily angry and disobedient, and taking medicine would cause big problems.
In addition, Ms. Jiang finally admitted that in fact, earlier she took her daughter to the hospital to see, when the doctor also said so, but she felt that depression is a kind of mental illness, it is very humiliating to say it, in the spirit of "good for the child", she did not tell anyone about this matter, nor did she agree to her daughter's medication, hoping that time can cure her daughter's problem, did not expect the bad situation to become more and more intense.
After the mediator worked in the middle, Ms. Jiang finally realized that her ideas were very backward, and controlled her for many years in the name of being good for her daughter, or directly or indirectly caused her daughter's psychological problems, and it was a big mistake not to let her take medicine after her daughter was diagnosed with depression.
The ending is still good, Wenwen can get help from treatment, and with everyone's encouragement, the beauty salon has improved his body, and it can be seen that Wenwen has the idea of self-help in his heart, but in the past he was overly suppressed in the family bondage, and no one understood and supported it to become that lifeless look.
Write at the end:
Parents are the guardians of minor children, but qualified guardians, not only let the children eat and wear warm, provide the material conditions within their capabilities, but also need to learn to listen to the child's inner voice, pay attention to the child's mental health, if the parents treat the child as a property to hurt, the shadow brought to the child may be difficult to eliminate for a lifetime, to a certain extent may even be deprived of the guardian's qualifications.
According to the provisions of the Civil Code, guardianship qualifications may be revoked in the following cases:
(1) Carrying out conduct that seriously harms the ward's physical and mental health;
(2) Neglecting to perform guardianship duties, or being unable to perform guardianship duties and refusing to entrust part or all of guardianship duties to others, resulting in the ward being in a state of distress;
(3) Carrying out other conduct that seriously infringes upon the lawful rights and interests of wards.
Of course, the loss of guardianship qualifications does not mean that the obligations are completely abandoned, and according to Article 37 of the Civil Code, parents, children, spouses, etc., who bear the guardian's maintenance, alimony, and maintenance expenses in accordance with the law, shall continue to perform the obligations of the burden after the guardianship qualification is revoked by the people's court.
Most parents still love their children, and the way they are treated may be inappropriate, but not as serious as being deprived of guardianship qualifications.
However, even so, after getting the script of such a role as a parent, you still need to learn, "love the child" and "hello for the child" should not be the reason to force their own ideas on the child, only mutual respect, understanding and tolerance, in order to keep the parent-child relationship healthy.
(When it comes to privacy, the parties do not use their real names; some of the pictures are from the Internet to match the narrative.) Warm reminder: respect the original, please do not move, plagiarize, reprint)