Text | Little Tree Mom
These days have been watching Gu Ailing's various related reports, the Winter Olympics won 2 gold and 1 silver, the results are very eye-catching.
Some netizens said that Gu Ailing is a perfect princess who combines talent, beauty, health, confidence and enthusiasm.
Gu Ailing does have too many advantages, but to talk about shortcomings, it is not completely absent, we have mentioned that her shortcomings are sloppy.
She had sunbathed her room and could see her clothes and shoes being stacked very haphazardly on the tabletop and on the floor.
The chairs and beds were also very messy.
Gu Ailing introduced while cleaning up the house: This is what I look like on the road, many things are often moved around, my mother said that my biggest flaw is very sloppy, I accept this evaluation, sloppy is not so serious character flaws...
Gu Ailing also complained: Every day I don't fold the quilt, my mother will be angry, but I still have to sleep on it...
I don't like to clean up the house, I don't have the spirit of the Olympic arena, but I am no different from the naughty children of ordinary families.
But after watching the full documentary and video of Gu Ailing and her mother, you will find that although her mother does not like her sloppiness, she is more focused on Gu Ailing's strengths.
For most of the time that mother and daughter spend together, her mother encourages her, helps her, and reminds her to protect herself from getting hurt.
I once heard a very warm saying: Your shortcomings are like stars, and your advantages are like the sun, but as soon as the sun appears, the stars are gone.
Every child may have their own shortcomings and advantages, and at this moment, it is actually more testing to see the eyes of parents on their children.
Focus on the child's strengths and stimulate his inner enthusiasm, and the child will shine like the sun.
While there are areas for improvement, overall it will be outstanding.
And focus on the child's shortcomings and deficiencies, and constantly express anxiety and worry about the child, no matter how good the child, will gradually become unconfident.
The shortcomings that parents say are as many as the stars will also plunge the child's heart into a long and painful night.
The pros and cons of the child
Sometimes it's two sides of a coin
When Gu Ailing's mother talked about her daughter's education, she once said that she did not have too high requirements for Gu Ailing, did not need her to be perfect, and there was no perfect person in the world.
Although the truth is very simple, many parents in life may actually forget.
A few years ago, we shared with you a documentary "After Zero Zero", which has a very rare patience.
The protagonists are several children born after 00, from kindergarten to filming for a full decade.
I was particularly impressed by a child named Xi Kun, in whom he was able to see very clearly the parents' vision of the problem and the impact on the child.
When the documentary first began filming, Xi Kun was still attending the "Ba Gakuen" kindergarten.
When he was a child, Xi Kun was a typical naughty bag. He will mess up the teacher's neatly arranged toys, and throw toy balls and children's shoes into a trash can higher than his own.
At home, I am not idle, I will put the noodles in the basin and light it, and I will add salt and water to the basin to make the kitchen messy.
In the face of Xi Kun's various troublesome behaviors, the kindergarten teachers expressed respect and understanding.
They think this is a normal exploration of space and their own abilities.
The kindergarten set aside a period of time for Xi Kun to let him mess up the toys as much as he wanted, and then put away the toys with Xi Kun.
The mother also expressed understanding, thinking that the child belongs to the monkey, as long as the material things maintain enough patience, do not jump like thunder, the child will slowly develop well in the future.
It seems that Xi Kun's childhood life should be carefree and full of respect.
But this is not the case, And what most often reveals in Xi Kun's eyes is confusion and a feeling of helplessness.
Although Xi Kun's mother is extremely concerned and supportive of Xi Kun, she not only wants to affirm the child's advantages, but also always worries about the child's shortcomings.
For example, Xi Kun's hands-on ability is strong, indicating that he wants to be a scientist when he grows up. Mom will show support and provide Books and materials to Xi Kun.
But I am worried that as a scientist, the child will become introverted and have less fun interacting with people.
So my mother reported a language class and summer camp to Xi Kun, and reminded Xi Kun in every detail which clothes he should wear and how to interact with his peers.
After the fourth grade, Xi Kun fell in love with magic. His mother was equally supportive, buying him props and encouraging Xi Kun to perform in front of the children.
But he also expressed concern, believing that although magic is good, he may not be able to afford a home in the future.
In the constant worry about the child's problems and deficiencies, Xi Kun slowly grew up.
10 years later, Xikun has obviously changed a lot. He was no longer so mischievous and fearless as he had been as a child.
He always showed that he needed his mother's help, and he would show some silence and impatience when his mother was eager to help him.
It is undeniable that Xi Kun's mother is very attentive. But she said she didn't know if she passed being a mother.
In fact, Xi Kun's mother was just too anxious and too worried.
She worries about the details of her children every day, and constantly wants her children and herself to reach some perfect state.
But I don't know that such anxiety will also be buried in the child's subconscious, slowly consuming the child's mental energy in life.
Let children become more and more passive and powerless in independent thinking and independent responsibility.
If you look at things differently, it may be completely different.
As a child, Xi Kun was not disciplined enough, but it also represented his curiosity and liveliness.
Xi Kun, who wants to be a scientist, is not cheerful enough, but at the same time he has strong hands-on ability and a strong desire for knowledge;
Xi Kun, who wants to be a magician, is not ambitious enough, but he has love and willingness to study, and magic will become his advantage and help him meet many interesting friends.
Pros and cons, pros and cons, many times are not completely opposite, they are like two sides of a coin. It depends on how we find out and treat it.
Children who are full of shortcomings
Probably to repay the favor
I love the saying that when God closes a door for you, he must open a window for you.
In this world, there is no perfect child, but the shortcomings of many children can actually be transformed into advantages.
▎ The child who is always in trouble may be a leader
In the documentary film "Generation Zero", there is also a child story that makes me feel that it is particularly worth sharing with all mothers.
This child was named Chi Yiyang, and he was once a small bully who was ordered to drop out of school.
When he was 5 years old, he used to take a stick in kindergarten and shout to kill, and once said to the children: If any of you dare to say it again, I will beat you all into meat paste!
He does not like to follow the rules, often provokes trouble, and many parents have approached the kindergarten director in the hope of ordering him to withdraw from school.
But Teacher Li, the head of the kindergarten, said to the parents: I observed Chi Yiyang for 3 consecutive weeks, and the result of what I observed was that Chi Yiyang set a male example for everyone.
Teacher Da Li believes that although Chi Yiyang's behavior is somewhat domineering, he is full of creativity. He can always come up with fun new games to play with his friends, and other children are willing to join his team.
She believes that Chi Yiyang has a heroic leadership temperament. It is not for an adult to bring him to the knees of discipline, but for him to construct rules that will lead him to be friendly with other children.
When Mr. Da Li got into an awkward fight with his partner because of the distribution of toys, he told him: You must act impartially as a leader.
His parents saw that he was unwilling to settle down and his athletic ability was developed, so they sent him to the football team for training, so that he could play his competitive spirit and leadership temperament on the field.
In the end, Chi Yiyang represented China on the field of the World Rugby Tournament and became a child who won glory for the country.
In fact, Chi Yiyang's body has a lot of shadows of children who are competitive and love to cause trouble.
Although these children may not be safe enough, not obedient enough, they may also mean that they are very creative, moral or very leadership.
▎ The child who does not compete may be more intimate
I also particularly like an article by the writer Liu Jirong about her daughter, who has a medium grade, a class of 50 people, and always ranks around 23rd.
She used to be particularly worried, and when she saw other people's excellent children, her eyes lit up with envy.
However, the daughter's class teacher said that the person most appreciated by all the children in the class was her daughter.
Classmates all think that her daughter is enthusiastic about helping others, keeping promises, not angry, easy to get along with, optimistic and humorous.
At that moment, Liu Jirong was relieved, she believed that when her daughter grew up, she would definitely become a virtuous wife, a gentle mother, and even a warm colleague and a kind neighbor.
In those long years, she was able to live the life she wanted safely. I don't have to worry about my daughter at all.
Image source: TV series "Mother"
Many parents have a headache about how their children are not ambitious and not top-notch enough.
In fact, life is not originally a marathon, of course, it is best to be in the first echelon, but if you are healthy, if you are happy, if you do not go against your own will, our children, why not be a kind ordinary person.
▎ The introverted child will be more sensitive and rich in heart
Introversion is also a shortcoming that many parents especially want their children to change.
In fact, as long as the child can express himself normally, introverted personality is also an advantage.
In the United States, there is a study that lasted for more than 30 years and targeted social elites.
They found that introverted personalities were 3 times more extroverted personalities. The higher the IQ, the stronger the tendency to be introverted.
This is because introverts tend to be more likely to reject unnecessary socializing and unnecessary consumption, focus on their own field, and focus on the work they are doing, so the chances of success are greater.
Image source: The movie "White Rabbit Candy"
And introverted children are usually good listeners and have a good perception of the emotions of others. With such people, the chat partner tends to feel comfortable.
They also tend to meditate in the inner world and also like to introspect. These children will make their observations of the people, things, and things around them and draw a conclusion through their own judgment.
Children who seem to be "stuffy gourds" are often the children with the most ideas in their hearts, and the outside world's statements are often not easy to affect them.
Such a child will be more likely to succeed than ordinary children.
Someone once joked that raising children is like raising plants, and seeds are sent by God.
Many children are like towering trees, some children are destined to float all over the garden, and some children are like small strawberries and small berries, not in contention, but delicate and warm.
Those towering tree-like children are here to repay the favor and make their parents feel infinite pride. These little strawberry-like children are also here to repay the favor and let the parents be sweet in their hearts.
We can't ask a towering tree to make a qualified potted plant, nor can we ask for small strawberries to shade the rain.
Focus on the child's strengths, he will definitely give us unlimited surprises.
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