Raising children is not an easy task, and from birth to adulthood, each stage will encounter different problems.
Among them, parents at the age of 12-14 are the most difficult, they encounter the most challenging parenting problems, and the happiness of parenting is the lowest.
Children's lack of motivation to learn, declining grades, personality changes and poor parent-child relationship, addiction to online games and other issues often give parents headaches.
Professor Chen Mo, an expert in adolescent education and a senior psychological counselor, once gave a speech on "How to Be a Good Parent of Junior High School Students" in middle schools. The characteristics of adolescent children, the problems of learning and life, can find answers in them.
01 About learning
After entering junior high school, many children will face the problem of declining grades.
On the one hand, the junior high school curriculum is more difficult, and there is a more important reason: children are not motivated to learn.
In elementary school, parents let their children learn what they want.
In junior high school, children will begin to think a lot of questions: Why should they learn? What is the use of learning? Studying is too hard and I don't want to learn...
Has your child asked you these questions too?
Only by learning spontaneously and autonomously can we get a good result. If you want to rely on your parents to force you to learn, not only will your grades not go up, but you may also make your children tired of school, and even affect the parent-child relationship.
So, when you don't want to worry about your child's learning problems, you need to let your child know why he is learning and what learning can bring him.
"Only by studying hard can you get into a good university, find a good job, and live a good life." This is a reason why many parents let their children learn well.
The experience of countless families has proved that this phrase is useless to today's children, because they do not have to study hard to have a worry-free life.
He would even reply: "XX didn't read any books, didn't he earn more money than XXX who went to college?" ”
20 years ago we said that knowledge changes destiny, but today's children will say, "I don't have to change my destiny, my current destiny is very good." ”
Regarding learning, some inspiration can be drawn from Professor Chen Mo's speech:
How cats lived a thousand years ago are still the same. This is the difference between man and animal, and man will continue to learn when he is alive, so we can go from ploughing the land with cattle to using tractors later, and now agriculture is basically mechanized.
The convenient and rich modern life we have now is created through continuous learning. If humans don't learn, where do you get your phone and computer available?
Classroom learning in school is only a form of learning, and you may not be able to use the trigonometric functions and geometric knowledge you learn in life, but through these learning, you can train your learning thinking, exercise your brain, and make you smarter.
Suffering is an emotional experience that is caused by thoughts, not by things. The same is memory, remembering the knowledge points in the textbook makes you miserable, how can you not feel difficult when remembering the game strategy?
If you feel that learning is too hard, what needs to change is your thinking, not blame the hard work of learning.
When parents let their children read and learn for utilitarian purposes, don't blame their children for refusing to learn for the same reason. Only by helping a child find the motivation to learn can we unleash the greatest potential.
02 About rebellion
Adolescence is contradictory, they both ask you to treat them like adults, respect them, and often do something unusual that you need to help him carry.
While shouting "don't worry about you", he also felt that "you don't care about me at all, you don't love me." ”
This is the characteristic of adolescence, who are in the transition from child to adult, often in a state of contradiction.
In the face of adolescent children who are prone to extreme emotions, what parents need to do is to give their children the right to choose.
Because the sign of growing up is having the right to choose.
When the child feels that the environment gives him no choice, he will rebel.
The forms of resistance are divided into hard resistance and soft resistance.
Hard resistance is rebellion in the eyes of parents: you say east and west, and the more you let him do something, the less he will do. Even at the expense of his own prospects, he will confront you, because if he listens to you, he will lose his choice.
There are still many children who will choose "soft resistance", mainly manifested as no motivation to learn, at the beginning may only occasionally not turn in homework, slowly develop into a school-weary mood or even drop out, including the depression phenomenon that often occurs in middle school students now, which is also a kind of resistance of children.
Parents do not give their children the right to choose, and they want their children to listen to themselves, which is hindering the growth of children and the reason for the tension between parents and children in adolescence.
In the eyes of young children, parents are omnipotent. After entering puberty, children look at their parents more objectively.
So don't hold a condescending "education" posture to face the child, it is best to use the "help" attitude to get along with the child.
03 About online games
In this era, there are almost no children who don't play mobile phones and don't play games, but "playing" and "addicted" are different.
Children with a good family atmosphere are much less dependent on mobile games and the Internet than families with a bad family atmosphere.
Most of the children who can't do without mobile phones and games come from the following families:
1, parents of emotional discord in the family, the child in order to escape the bad family environment, turn to the Internet to seek "refuge"; 2, high requirements and more blame of the family, the child in reality can not be recognized, and online games can bring him a sense of achievement; 3, poor parent-child relationship, lack of communication of the family.
There was a mother who complained that her son did not even leave his mobile phone for dinner, and what the son said to the counselor was: I can't put down the phone, once I put down the phone, I have to face her face, I have to talk to her, I don't want to talk to her.
Therefore, children's addiction to mobile phones and games is not all the reason for children, and parents should also reflect more on what they have done poorly.
If you want to smoothly and smoothly pass through your child's adolescence, parents must have a clear understanding of their child's development at this stage. Learn more communication skills and use the right communication methods to communicate with your child.
Educating children is a practice for parents, and may we all be on this path of practice, become better selves, and have a happy family!