"I watched him giggle all day and play with his phone so happy, how could he be depressed?"
When we tell parents the true intentions of adolescent children, parents are always not quite convinced, as if they never thought that children have these possibilities.
Why can't parents see the true feelings of adolescent children and hear the truth of their children? The emotional experience of adolescent children is very rich and intense, but they seem to be very good at hiding their true emotions, and they are still silently crying a minute ago, and they can smile after a while. It's relevant to both children and parents.
From the analysis of children's factors, mainly the development of the brain of adolescent children, it has caused rapid changes in emotions. Their nervous system is originally structured in this way, and the brain during this period can react very quickly, attracted to what they like, so that although they are sometimes depressed, they can also achieve happiness in the blink of an eye. On the other hand, adolescent children need a happy "persona" to make themselves look successful, they are very concerned about their personal image, feel that "crying and mourning face" will appear to be failure, and then affect their friendship, and have to deliberately create a happy and happy "persona".
From the analysis of parents' factors, the child does not report worries and disobeys, it is likely that the family's parent-child relationship is not safe enough. Esworth, a psychologist who studies attachment relationships, believes that the key to the safety of parent-child relationships lies in the quality of communication, that is, whether the communication interaction between parents and children is cooperative and harmonious: when adolescent children come to ask for help, sometimes they just want to find someone to talk to, and do not want to listen to suggestions, but some parents immediately convince their children and give a variety of solutions; sometimes the child's emotions are too strong, and parents pretend to be calm to respond to their children in order to control this stormy situation. The picture is like a child falling into the river, but the parent teaches him to swim on the shore; the worst one is that when the child expresses his bad emotions, the parents criticize and humiliate the child, believing that the child is not working hard enough to cause negative emotions, and directly ignoring the child's help. These are all examples of poor interaction, the child's desire and the parent's giving are completely misaligned, and eventually the child thinks that he is not accepted and is increasingly reluctant to speak.
When responding to adolescent children, parents should be patient enough to wait for the child's fierce emotions to dissipate, careful enough to observe the child's small help, to be tolerant enough to accept the child's weaknesses, to give sensitive rather than misplaced, to accept rather than reject, to cooperate rather than control the response, in order to create a safe attachment relationship, only in a safe parent-child relationship, adolescent children will be assured to express their true feelings.
Text: Zheng Lu (Psychology Teacher, Chaoyang School, Affiliated Middle School of Chinese Min University)
Editor: Zhang Qiuying
Editor: Hao Bin
Final Judgement: Wang Yu, Su Jinzhu, Bao Danhe
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