How to solve the "hidden troubles" of adolescence? Station B was 9.9 distracted, and this group of pediatricians reminded parents to wake up
Protecting the healthy growth of children is the wish of many parents. Recently, as soon as the documentary "The Shining Pediatrician" was broadcast, the number of views on station B rushed to 11.247 million, with a rating of 9.9. It focuses on the pediatric hospital, revealing the confusion and troubles of children's growth from the daily perspective of the hospital, and allowing parents to gain insight into their children's hearts.
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Wen 丨 Peach Ed. 丨 May
Recently, the medical documentary program "Shining Pediatrician" jointly produced by Station B and Shenzhen Health Commission was broadcast on the Internet, in which a 15-year-old girl died of anorexia due to excessive weight loss, which made many people sigh, and the topic of "the girl who loves to lose weight left" twice rushed to the first place in Weibo's hot search.
The girl in this hot search, like many adolescent boys and girls, is very concerned about the evaluation of her appearance by others, but affected by the aesthetic of deformity, she uses fasting to achieve unhealthy emaciation without correct guidance, and eventually destroys her life.
In the third episode of the documentary "The Shining Pediatrician", we can see the true stories of many adolescent children, some because of love to lose weight, some because of ignorance of sex, and some because of the lack of common sense almost caused disaster.
All kinds of conditions are related to the special period of adolescence. During this period, the child's physical and psychological development is rapidly developing, the physical development is close to maturity, and the self-awareness begins to germinate again, and there is a great desire for independence.
Under the dual influence of hormonal changes and self-awareness, adolescent children are erratic, like the wind and rainstorm in nature. As a result, adolescence is also called the "storm and stress period" by psychologists.
Adolescent children prefer to play with their peers rather than talk to their parents than to their dependence and obedience to their parents as a child;
They pay more attention to their image in the minds of the opposite sex than to what their parents say about them;
They begin to explore who they are and who they will become, rather than obeying their parents' arrangements and commands.
These sudden changes will make many parents feel uneasy. Parents want to communicate with their children more, but the children close the door and turn them away; They know they shouldn't be in control of their child's life, but they inevitably worry about their child making the wrong decisions, messing with the wrong people, and wasting their time and energy.
It can be said that the helplessness and nervousness of most parents come from their half-understanding or even ignorance of their children's adolescence. What does the world of an adolescent look like? How should parents understand the troubles that adolescent children are reluctant to speak? We can find out through documentaries.
"Eat only one cucumber for three days,
I'm going from 130 pounds to 95 pounds."
For adolescent girls, body anxiety is a common problem, and in the third episode of the documentary, Xiaoyi, a girl who is preparing for the art exam, is a typical epitome of this group.
On the way to prepare for the exam, Xiaoyi thinks that one of her major disadvantages is "too fat", and her 130-pound self is definitely not as good as those slim girls who weigh less than 100 pounds, so she hopes to quickly lose weight from 130 pounds to 95 pounds.
Therefore, Xiaoyi does not hesitate to harm his body to lose weight, and the main way is to diet to lose weight.
She once followed the example of the star and ate only one cucumber for three days;
For rapid weight loss, buy fast-acting diet pills online;
He also secretly compared with the girls who were also preparing for the art exam, for fear that his weight control would not reach the expected goal.
For the fact that her daughter's weight loss caused long-term abdominal pain, her parents were aware, but they only told her to "eat more" and "lose weight scientifically". But there is not enough guidance on the harm of weight loss and how to lose weight scientifically.
In the end, Xiao Yi's body was crushed. She had to seek help from a doctor because of long-term abdominal pain, and the doctor also taught Xiaoyi seriously: "Life is not only one goal, there are still many things to take into account. The body comes first. ”
For adolescent girls, they tend to focus too much on their figure. "Comic waist challenge" and "backhand belly button challenge" are often popular on the Internet, which has catalyzed this wind of appearance anxiety. Studies have found that appearance anxiety in adolescents peaks around the age of 20. Moreover, girls showed higher levels of appearance anxiety than boys.
Many girls who do not meet the standard of "beauty" in the eyes of others will produce psychological pressure, constantly doubt themselves, and then cause anxiety about their body and appearance, and begin to become inferior. At this time, parents need to pay attention to whether the child has anxiety about appearance, and let the child know that the true beauty is diverse, and the most important thing is to find their own body standard, and accept their body and appearance from the heart.
Compared with Xiaoyi's diet and weight loss caused by abdominal pain, the story of Xiaoling, another junior high girl in the documentary, is more heart-wrenching, at first she just had some body anxiety and wanted to diet to lose weight, but finally things developed in an uncontrollable direction.
15-year-old Xiaoling is 165 centimeters tall, but weighs only a staggering 24.8 kilograms, which is not even as much as some kindergarten children. When the doctor lifted her hospital bed, he couldn't help but sigh, "It's so light, I feel like I'm lifting a quilt." ”
Xiaoling was severely malnourished when she was transferred to Shenzhen Children's Hospital, her brain lost consciousness, and she was diagnosed with 14 complications. Although the doctor tried her best to treat her, Xiaoling eventually lost her precious life due to neurogenic "anorexia".
Talking about why Xiaoling lost weight, Xiaoling was unwilling to tell her parents the real reason, Xiaoling's mother had to inquire from classmates and teachers: it turned out that Xiaoling liked a boy, but the boy liked another thinner girl, and the secret love of adolescence made Xiaoling fall into the abyss of "slimming for love".
The originally good girl went from dieting to hunger strike step by step, and finally lost her precious life because of "anorexia". There may be deeper pain and struggle, but we don't know it now.
And this case has also sounded the alarm for parents: anorexia is actually not far from ordinary children. Studies have shown that the incidence of anorexia nervosa is not low - 1 in 200 teenage girls have anorexia, and 10%-15% of them will die due to complications caused by chronic malnutrition.
The reason why many girls start anorexia is also simple: some are commented by friends as "overweight", and some find themselves wearing small size clothes too tight.
At first, the girl just lost weight, and the parents did not care, but gradually, the child's weight will be much lower than the normal value, and even look skinny and weak, but at this time, it may be too late for parents to block it.
If a child is found to have signs of "anorexia":
The first step is for the child to stop losing weight, and the girl needs to return to a normal diet and recover from malnutrition with the right guidance.
The second step is to help the child develop a positive self-image and body cognition, thereby alleviating the child's self-denial.
The final step is to help your child build support systems, including family and friends, that can provide emotional support and understanding to help your child recover from the trough.
"16 years old, go to the children's hospital, see a venereal disease"
A good flower season girl, died of anorexia, such a case is very sad. On the other hand, adolescent boys and girls often have a lot of troubles because of love, and the problems caused by this ignorance often make people sweat.
During adolescence, the child's sexual consciousness begins to germinate, allowing the adolescent child to experience the feeling of sexual impulse, which is a primitive instinct and there is no right or wrong. Driven by sexual impulses, we will also see such examples in documentaries:
Xiao Zhou, a 16-year-old boy who has been sexually active and has not taken protective measures, has recently started fever, painful urination, suspects that he has gonorrhea, and goes to the doctor alone without his parents. Finally, at the doctor's request, the mother rushed in and said that she had no knowledge of the child's condition.
Another 16-year-old had a jammed foreskin that could not be replaced, and saw a doctor the next day, almost causing necrosis. The parents did not know about this, and the children were reluctant to call the parents, and finally the doctor chose to call the parents out of a sense of responsibility.
There is also an 11-year-old girl who endured pain for nearly half a year before realizing that she was a "stone woman" - this disease is called "hymen atresia", which is a rare malformation of the reproductive system. The little girl's menstruation was "blocked" in the vagina for most of the year, and there was as much as a bottle of mineral water, and the menstruation was successfully discharged through surgery.
The incomplete sex education, and the immature psychological and physical development of children, allow adolescent children to spend their adolescence in such an environment. In life, because adolescents lack correct sexual knowledge, many tragedies have been staged, and these tragedies themselves can be avoided.
In today's developed Internet, the age of children's contact with sex through various channels has been advanced, but it is not easy to obtain the correct sexual concept, for parents, before the advent of puberty, positive sex education for children, to guide children to develop in a healthy direction is very important.
In the face of this somewhat sensitive topic, the introverted and traditional nature of Chinese makes many parents ashamed to explain some behaviors to their children, but if the problem is not clear, the child will take risks out of curiosity, and the result is often serious.
At this time, parents can use some videos or books as an aid to popularize science and discuss sex education knowledge with their children. Videos in this regard include "Sexual Decipherment" and "The Mysteries of the Human Body"; Books include How to Talk to Children About Sex, Sex Education That Matters: Sex Education That Affects Boys' Lives, and so on.
The Indian short film "Father and Son's Sex Teaching Awkward Chat" is a good example in this regard. For example, children all over the world seem to be curious about "female menstruation", and when the son asked his father this question, he thought about it and cleverly gave the answer:
Dad likened a woman's internal system to a mailbox and an egg to an email that arrives every month. In response, you need to upload a "sperm" attachment, at which point the sperm will combine with the egg and give birth to a baby a few months later.
But if no reply is received, the email will expire and be deleted from the mailbox, and the egg will be released from the woman's body during the process, which is called the "menstrual period".
In another episode, the boy expresses curiosity about "sex", and the father does not shy away from telling his son that sex is a way to express love between adults. But if there is no plan to have a baby, then you need to be careful, otherwise the woman is likely to get pregnant because of this.
Daddy's patient explanation solved the mystery in the boy's mind and also conveyed the idea that sex is not a shameful thing.
Through sex education in adolescence, parents can help children correctly recognize physiological changes, such as girls will have menstruation, boys will have beards, Adam's apples and so on; Children need to know how to protect themselves from harm, especially sexual abuse; Finally, learn to accept your body and your feelings, especially in the process of interacting with others, you can reject those parts that do not suit you and make you uncomfortable.
Reconcile with adolescent children
The appeal of adolescent children is simple, and their main concern is "Who should I be?" "Am I popular?" But such a simple appeal, for various reasons, is often ignored by parents.
In the documentary, children run away from their parents, perhaps because they have not been respected, understood and trusted for a long time; Parents don't see their children's needs, and for the same reason, they may never really try to understand their children's emotions and see their children's real existence.
In most families, the time when the child enters puberty usually coincides with the time of the parents entering middle age, the parents are experiencing a "midlife crisis", the child is beginning to be independent again, and the coexistence of adolescence and middle age is full of challenges. When adolescence meets middle age, how do parents form a heart-to-heart connection with their children? As a middle-aged parent, where should I go?
Lawrence Steinberg, a well-known psychology professor in the United States and a popular columnist in the media, has published a professional adolescent book - "Reconciling with Adolescence: A Psychological Guide to Understanding Adolescent Thought and Behavior". Many adolescent parenting problems can be found in this book.
First of all, getting along with children should start with love and trust. Although children are close to physical maturity when they enter adolescence, it does not mean that they are emotionally estranged from their parents, but children in adolescence need more emotional attention and connection from their parents.
Many parents think that adolescent children do not care about family life, that a 14-year-old is not at all interested in playing ball with his dad and shopping with his mom. In fact, research shows that most teens are willing to spend more time with their parents. Being together can be attending a special event, sharing each other's hobbies, and completing certain tasks together.
And when children share their own troubles, it is important to show respect and support, rather than treating it as trivial by adult standards. When children share interesting facts and small achievements in life, they should also appropriately express appreciation and encouragement.
Second, parents also need to set clear and reasonable rules. Good parents accept their children unconditionally, love them deeply, and participate in their children's lives and growth. But when children touch the "bottom line," parents show their authority. Psychologists call these parents "authoritative parents," and authoritative parents and children form a healthy relationship — warm, firm, and open communication.
When adolescent children are addicted to games and affect their learning, the more controlling "authoritarian parents" may say, "No more games" and simply confiscate the child's phone without explanation. The "doting parent" who indulges the child may not limit the child at all, allowing the child to continue to indulge in the game. "Neglectful parents" who do not pay attention to their children may not notice their children's addictive behaviors and performance changes at all, making them feel neglected.
Only "authoritative parents" with both demanding and responsive characteristics will set clear rules and boundaries, such as discussing with their children, playing games every day after completing homework, and having limited time to play every day; Parents will also encourage their children to participate in outdoor sports, art creation and reading, provide children with resources and support related to interests, and help children develop a variety of hobbies and interests.
This approach respects the child's needs and clearly sets out its own requirements. Adhering to an "authoritative" parenting style will lead to higher levels of self-esteem and self-confidence, as well as better academic performance during the teenage years.
During adolescence, adolescents begin to think about who they are, what their values and interests are, and their place in society. This can create conflicts with parents' views and expectations, triggering parent-child conflict. What adolescent children need is not from above to preach, but for parents to be able to see themselves and understand themselves.
As a parent, do not resist the various manifestations of your child after entering adolescence, and do not regard your child's behavior as a rebellion and challenge, the best way is to patiently accompany your child, see the positive side of the change, and use the right way to help them establish a better outlook on life and values.
Growing up is never easy. Adolescence is a "homework" shared by parents and children, and I sincerely hope that with the help of parents, teachers and society, our children can successfully pass the "psychological weaning" life pass.
Resources:
Shenzhen Health Commission "Weight loss becomes anorexia! 15-year-old girl on hunger strike for 50 days, "as light as a quilt""
Lawrence Steinberg Reconciling with Adolescence: A Psychological Guide to Understanding Adolescent Thought and Behavior