With the development of the times, computers and smart phones have become an indispensable part of people's lives.
This change also affects children's lives, learning and play. More and more children give up outdoor activities, indulge in various mobile games, and what is more frightening is that they cannot control their time in virtual games, and even do not eat or sleep, and bury their heads in the Internet day and night to "fight hard"; They close themselves off, thinking that their parents do not understand themselves and are unwilling to communicate with them.
For parents, they are not only worried about their children's studies and future, but also worried that their children's bodies will not collapse one day. However, parents are soft and hard, and children's Internet addiction behavior is becoming more and more serious. In the face of the child's indifference, parents can only helplessly and helplessly.
Today, Xiaobian shares with you how Li Jianxue, a child and adolescent psychologist, helped children get rid of Internet addiction and return to school, and also told parents how to deal with their children's addiction to the Internet, refusal to go to school, and refusal to go out.
Teacher Li Jianxue said that teenagers have Internet addiction cases
When Yifan came to me, his hair grew so long that he completely covered his eyes, and I couldn't even see the expression on his face. Tall, but with his back hunched, he does not see the vitality of an adolescent child at all.
Yifan's mother pulled me aside and whispered: "Teacher Li, I heard about you from a friend, I came to you specifically, please save my child, this child has been surfing the Internet all night without sleeping, night and day are reversed, I have no way at all." ”
I gestured for Yifan's mother to sit down first, and then asked the family of three to explain the reason, and my mother rushed to say some basic information about Yifan.
Yifan is 16 years old and is in his first year of high school.
Before high school, in the eyes of his parents, Yifan was an obedient and sensible child, who studied very seriously and had good grades, but because of his withdrawn personality, he rarely went out to play. The teacher also reported that Yifan was not very gregarious at school and had fewer friendly classmates with him. Usually he has no hobbies of his own, either reading books, sitting in a daze or watching TV.
His parents think that in addition to school, it is good for him to stay at home at other times, so that he can concentrate on his studies and avoid being damaged by other classmates. The middle school entrance examination was good, and in order to reward their child, his parents specially sent him a long-awaited high-configuration computer to him.
Children are addicted to the Internet, and the parent-child relationship is tense
Although Yifan usually likes to play with mobile phones, he just checks information, goes on WeChat, and plays small games. Now that he has a powerful computer, he has more things to do on the Internet and spend more time online.
Unexpectedly, since he became addicted to an online game, the whole person has completely changed, playing games online all night and all night, three alarms in the morning can not wake him, parents push him and do not wake up, often do not go to school in the morning or even all day, hold your head at home and sleep, wake up hungry to eat something. He often does not bathe, does not even wash his face or brush his teeth, let alone go out, and it is useless for his parents to preach, abuse, and threaten.
Because he had not been in school for a long time, his homework plummeted, and the school teacher first asked to see his parents, later had to punish Yifan, and finally asked him to withdraw from school.
Mom is an acute child, and every time she comes back after going to see the teacher, she will be furious, and her father will not care much when he watches from the side.
In this way, Yifan's relationship with his parents became more and more distant. Once, when his parents forcibly took away the computer, Yifan threatened death with a knife and cut his pulse. Fortunately, the knife was taken by Dad in time, so it didn't cause any damage.
Since then, parents have no choice, watching the originally well-behaved and sensible child become this decadent and depraved appearance every day, and can only regret why they sent computers to their children in the first place, harming their children's lives.
Excessive treatment, Internet addiction into white heat
Later, at the suggestion of a colleague, Yifan's mother sent her child to a militarized management school in the suburbs that forced the rehabilitation of Internet addiction. It is said that it is a school, in fact, it is a small training camp, and the children here are sent by their parents to forcibly quit Internet addiction. After only staying in it for two months, Yifan became what he is now.
The mother was both anxious and heartbroken, and once asked the child what had happened in the past two months. Yifan mentioned that the coach often physically punished him, shaved his head, and instigated other classmates to beat him, and the angry mother found the school theory to ask for explanations for the child.
However, nothing is going to help.
After returning home from the training camp, Yifan did not play with the computer or talk, did not go out, locked himself in the room and did not see anyone, went to sleep after eating, ate again when he woke up hungry, and slept after eating.
A week later, he started playing with the computer again, but he still didn't speak, he ate the food when it was delivered to the computer, he didn't eat if he didn't send it, he didn't let him play with the computer, he smashed things, and he yelled. The mother became more and more worried, washing her face with tears almost every day, and also angry that her father did not help discipline the children.
When Yifan's mother said this, Yifan seemed to be listening to his mother tell other people's stories, and his father was sitting in the corner and looked indifferent.
Slowly open your child's heart
Asked about Yifan's situation when she was a child, her mother said that the child grew up in the family of her grandparents when she was a child, when she and her husband were busy with their careers and could not take care of the child, and only took him to her after the age of three.
But at this time, my husband went to the field again due to work reasons, and only came back once for a long time. Sometimes it is rare to come back, and the two will quarrel over some trivial things, often breaking up unhappily, so she has always taken care of Yifan.
He has a bad temper, and sometimes Yifan will beat him if he is disobedient. But Yifan is still quite well-behaved, she is afraid that the bad child will take him badly, do not let the child play with other children, and go home directly after school, these Yifan have done it, which makes her very worry-free.
At the beginning, my mother liked Yifan quiet, and felt that it was no problem for him not to make friends and study well, but after entering junior high school, my mother watched the children of colleagues around her study and play in groups, so she often asked Yifan who stayed at home to also learn from his classmates, not to close himself all the time.
As everyone knows, the more her mother nags, the more Yifan doesn't want to go out, and in the end, she doesn't even want to communicate with her mother. Speaking of this, my mother cried sadly again.
In the next session, Yifan and I communicated alone, he crossed his hands to his chest, his back was straight against the sofa, and he refused to come close. To make him feel more comfortable, I also leaned back on the couch so that the space between us would be a little farther away and less threatening to him. Sure enough, as soon as I leaned back, his whole body relaxed a little, and his straight back was slightly leaned forward to make sitting more comfortable.
Feeling that he was a little more relaxed, we started with the fact that he was forced to come to Guangzhou with his parents to talk about it, and as he slowly let go, he talked about his hair growing as if he could hide behind, cutting off the connection with others and the world.
In fact, Yifan is a very smart child, his comprehension is very strong, he himself knows that playing online games is his escape from the pain of not being understood, not recognized, no friends, no happiness, he just wants to have a quiet corner where he can breathe freely.
Parents are changing, and parent-child relationships are improving
In the cases of adolescent psychological counseling about Internet addiction that I received, many Internet addiction counseling eventually became family therapy. Children have Internet addiction, parents also have to bear certain responsibilities, and Yifan's situation is no exception.
After several consultations, Yifan's parents gradually understood that their children's Internet addiction is only a superficial phenomenon, reflecting many problems in family relationships and parent-child relationships.
They reflected that they paid too little attention to the child, only paid attention to life and learning, did not pay attention to the child's heart, disciplined too strictly, and had too many rules and requirements, resulting in the child's current introverted personality, not good at communicating with others, no friends, no activities, and can only find happiness on the Internet.
And parents, especially mothers, do not understand the sensitivity and frustration caused by difficulties encountered in learning and interpersonal communication as adolescent children, it is difficult to accept the state of their son's "otaku", blindly forcibly accusing rather than tolerating encouragement, making Yifan lose confidence in himself and withdraw more, the only thing that can make Yifan feel confidence, value, and achievement is only in online games.
In the later consultation, the parents who realized their own problems had a conversation with Yifan, and the parents sincerely apologized to Yifan, they did not know how to be parents in the past, always imposed what they thought was good on him, never considered his feelings, did not respect his ideas, especially without his consent, forcibly sent him to the training camp to quit Internet addiction, their inappropriate behavior made Yifan hurt, they knew that they were wrong in the past, promised to change in the future, and asked Yifan's forgiveness. Looking at his teary-eyed parents and hearing his parents say the three words "sorry", Yifan finally shed tears of relief.
With the progress of the consultation, the relationship between Yifan and his parents is constantly improving, everyone communicates more, talks and discusses things smoothly, the relationship between parents is much better, there are few quarrels, not long ago their family of three just went on a trip.
Yifan also said that their family has a family rule, which is agreed on an equal basis, everyone can supervise each other, and the rule he gave himself is that before going to school, he played online games for no more than two hours a day, and the rest of the time was used for reading, studying, sports, etc., and only during the holidays after school, and could not exceed two hours a day.
Considering that Yifan had not gone to school for a semester, his parents respected the child's ideas and first went to school to take a one-year leave for him, and he himself found a junior student online to help him make up for his homework.
Get back to learning, go back to school, and build a circle of friends
Three months later, Yifan and his parents came to the consultation room again, and they were happy to say that Yifan rarely played games online now, talked more with them, and was a lot more cheerful.
Yifan said that the junior student helped him make up for his homework very hard, not only his teacher, but also became his good friend who talked about everything, most of the homework he had left before was made up, he had to seize the time to continue studying, and he could return to school after the start of the new school year.
Looking at the back of this happy family of three leaving, I feel that Yifan is not only looking forward to the upcoming new school year, but also welcoming his new life.
epilogue
Internet addiction is not terrible.
On the surface, children are addicted to the Internet and hate learning, and the essence is the bad family relationship and parent-child relationship. Only by seeing the psychological roots behind children's Internet addiction can we prescribe the right medicine and find an effective way to solve the problem.
* This article is the original article of teacher Li Jianxue, and the company reserves the right to pursue it according to law.
Experts in this issue
Guangzhou heard that Li Jianxue, chief counselor and family education instructor of the psychological counseling center
Li Jianxue
・Hear about it, chief expert of the Psychological Counseling Center
Member of the Professional Committee of Psychological Counselors of Guangdong Mental Health Association
Senior Marriage Counselor
Senior Family Education Instructor
Psychosexual counselor
Senior hypnotist