Write on the front:
The ultimate motivation of life mainly depends on the ability to think. We often think that some short-lived emotions are motivating, such as liking an activity in an experience, or being inspired by the story, but it is not. Short-lived emotions come and go easily and quickly, and may not be there the next day. Long-term motivation comes from thinking. Either it's the fun of thinking about itself, or it's thinking about what kind of person you want to be.
Tuesday
thinking
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The divine beast finally returned to the cage, talked about this winter vacation, and talked about how to let the children maintain the motivation to learn.
The joy of thinking
Many people ask me how to make children motivated to learn, and my own feeling is that the biggest motivation to learn lies in the joy of thinking.
Once the joy of thinking can be initiated, learning is a joy.
Being a person who is willing to initiate a thinking program is like an explorer embarking on a treasure hunt. He wondered: Why is this happening? If I...... What will happen? Can I find an ingenious way?
This original power will make a small head melon run, think of a way, find tools, observe imitation, try paths, overcome difficulties, and finally achieve the goal. That's learning.
And once successful, a child will be greatly encouraged. Encouraged by their pride in themselves, let's move on. Sailing adventures are addictive and unstoppable.
Let's take an example from winter break.
During the winter vacation, on the way to take her daughter to the winter camp, in order to pass the time, sometimes I think of some interesting little questions to make her think about the answers. Her favorites are some open-ended topics, such as "You went to the amusement park in the morning with 3 bucks, and when you came home you brought back 5 bucks, what happened, how many possibilities there are."
But there are also times when she likes to think about math problems and will ask me to give her "problems that can increase intelligence." Like this time, I casually gave her a "1+2+3+...+N" problem, not expecting her to deduce the formula of "(first+ last) multiplied by half of the number of terms". When she found the pattern herself, she rejoiced.
Kids find answers on their own, and the fun is very much like treasure hunting, they explore forward according to the map clues, find new clues, and then continue to discover, and finally find the treasure (the correct answer)! So happy! The result is happy, and the process is happy.
For the guidance of such learning problems, parents play a good role as a "tree stump with clues", which is the most ideal way.
1) First let the child think for himself, find that the ta is a bit off, hang out an arrow to hint at the ta;
2) Find that he has found a little correct clue, and give a new hint to lead the way;
3) Hang a celebratory Easter egg at the end and cheer for it.
Taking the derivation and difference formula as an example, when Qingqing notices that 1 +2+...+10=55 is 11*5. I guided her to think about why it was 11*5, and when she found the law of adding two or two groups, and then tried to add from 1 to 100, she completed the improvement from case to law. Among them, I did not teach much except once or twice.
When she succeeds, she has confidence in herself. Success is the mother of success. Children naturally like to think like this.
Motivation to learn
But in real life, not always can rely on this simple pleasure of thinking to promote learning.
School assignments are not all exploratory assignments, but more are practice assignments. Qingqing is not happy to write, her mouth is not happy, and she is not happy to do general questions and answers. Like other children, she is lazy, playful, fearful, bored and bored. She will watch the truancy in funny videos every day, and she will recite all kinds of small crooked songs of "not writing homework" and "blowing up school", and she will come with her mouth open.
Qingda and I did not think that life must only be driven by happiness, so we did not choose a school that advocated happiness more. In the vast majority of cases, people need to be driven by reason. When you know that doing muscle exercise every day will help your running performance, although it is tired and boring, you still have to practice every day. When you know you need to complete a job, it's not much fun, but you have to do it well. To a certain extent, the joy of restraining instinct is good for people.
Qing Dad and I would ask the child to complete the school tasks, but we never scolded the child, and we never got angry to collapse.
In the absence of instinctive happiness, how to make children motivated to learn?
In fact, I have written many articles before, respectively, I have shared some ways to increase the motivation of children to learn, you can look at the historical articles, here I will not repeat, only distilled and summarized three points:
1) Increase imagination space:
Qingqing really likes me to accompany her to write her homework, the main reason is that someone can chat with her, add a little funny change to a question, or extend some stories based on a reading article. Here, rather than asking for emotional companionship, she wants to add some imagination to the monotonous homework, so she likes someone to talk to her.
2) Time for time:
In my house, there is no material reward for studying and writing homework, but since we have a limited time for our children's iPads, we can exchange active learning tasks for iPad time. Qingqing can choose what she wants to complete in the form, and exchange self-disciplined study time for relaxing entertainment time. It's a process she's very motivated.
3) Long-term rational construction:
When I am idle and have nothing to do, I say some "perseverance and deliberate practice" concepts to Qingqing from time to time. Tell her that "talent is not the most important, and the difference in the final result is mainly due to the effort" and "only by persevering through difficulties and reaching a higher realm can you experience true fun." Although Qingqing always retorted on his lips, he slowly implanted it in his heart.
All of the above processes are based on a good enough parent-child relationship. Because of enough love and trust, I can accept the constraints and expectations of my parents. Why many times we do not advocate scolding children to supervise learning? The most important point is that once the parent-child relationship is destroyed, the door of the child's heart is closed, and all the above means will be invalid.
The habit of thinking
The above ways are all consultations and discussions with children. In the end, it is the child's thinking ability that I hope to enhance.
The ultimate motivation of life mainly depends on the ability to think.
We often think that some short-lived emotions are motivating, such as liking an activity in an experience, or being inspired by the story, but it is not. Short-lived emotions come and go easily and quickly, and may not be there the next day.
Long-term motivation comes from thinking. Either it's the fun of thinking about itself, or it's thinking about what kind of person you want to be.
If you want to work hard for one thing for a long time, you need to combine the "brain-heart-hand" three, both clearly want to do this thing (brain), feel the emotions in the heart (heart), and finally be able to act clearly for it. Once a person has reached the state of "brain-heart-hand" in everything, he will be transparent inside and out, move freely, and have no disadvantages.
In fact, children love to think, but their thinking is often suppressed.
One kind of repression is neglect.
Many times, we urge children to learn or practice, all at the level of "hand", that is, to ask children to sit at a desk and complete the study of the specified time and tasks. It is also the output on hand that is checked. What is the child's feeling in his heart, what is going on in the child's mind, the parents do not know, nor do they want to know.
One kind of repression is contempt.
A lot of a child's thinking is one-sided, incomplete, silly, and childish. So as soon as you open your mouth, your parents will say what you know, what you say blindly, what do you want to do, or you don't listen carefully. Cowardly children will never dare to think again, and rebellious children will think specifically to their parents from now on.
If you ignore the child's spiritual world and separate the child's "brain-heart" from the "hand", the more you supervise the progress of learning, the slower the progress of learning, and the worse the effect. Nor will children believe that they can understand the world through thinking.
How can I keep my child in the habit of thinking?
Security is actually the most important factor.
When a child is confronted with a problem, his mind instinctively reflects "the feedback he will encounter when he says an answer." He is worried that he is wrong, and he is worried that the answer that he said wrong will have a bad evaluation, so he is reluctant to say it. The more comfortable the atmosphere, the more willing the child is to complete a thinking adventure.
Second, listening and positive feedback.
At this point, I will no longer write about the big truth. Just listen to your child. Two days ago, I received some hot questions from parents, including "what to do if children love to procrastinate when they do things", "what should children do if they love to lie", "what should children do if they don't love to learn" and so on. I want to understand how my child views these issues, so I ask Qingqing these questions.
When Qingqing replied, "Why can't people lie?", she said, "Because lying is equivalent to lying to yourself." I was surprised by her answer, and I felt that children were actually like spiegels in their hearts. On the contrary, some adults, who lie and do not know themselves, still have to continue to cover up, deceive others and deceive themselves, and in the end they can't tell what the truth is.
In fact, children know everything in their hearts, and many times they are more transparent than us adults. The more we believe in them, the more we listen to what they say and think, the more they can clearly handle their lives well.
As long as there is a good parent-child relationship and active listening in a safe atmosphere, children will become willing to think and embark on the journey, and we are the best companions in life.
Well, finally, I wish every big friend and child a happy start to school!
If you have more questions about parenting, welcome to my live broadcast room at noon today, listen to my conversation with Zhang Peichao, a psychologist that everyone loves, and answer parenting questions that parents are concerned about.
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